ADVICE ON SEPARATION PROCEEDINGS

I don't know if I should be approaching my HPD about any legal issues. Should I let the lawyer do the job? Do I have a chance to win the war with an HPD? Is his manipulation too strong against my passive acceptance?

I know how he fights to be right for many things and now he is fighting me. He was fine for 3 years keeping me dependant on him for money for the kids (never gave it to me). Now he is being told by his lawyer to pay child support. Since he left the check on the table in my kitchen 2 days ago - he has not called me or even come in the house when he drops off the kids. Do I call and thank him for the check (his obligation which he ignored for 3 years) or do I let him disconnect?

We are taking a school trip with the kids and I have to fly and share a room with him and the kids. This will be the last time and I am done. I need to disconnect or I am the enabler.

Don't know how to proceed in a situation with an HPD who stands to lose a lot of money - so he wants to go to court. Any advice would be great!

All I will offer is that the HPD is incapable of empathy for you!

Keep this in mind at ALL times!

This is by far, in my experience, the most difficult thing to deal with.

They are so completely self absorbed that they will seemingly instinctively offer no quarter at all! To the point of being punative!

Yes, let your attorney represent you! And be sure to let your attorney know what sort of adversary your HPD is! Above all else please be prepared to protect yourself. It will be difficult because normal people seek compromise...the HPD does not!

Best of luck to you!

My goodness - you are so right. Sitting in that lawyer's office was like sitting with a stranger. I asked him, "How can you do this to the home of your children?" He said that he had to do what he had to do. I was crushed. Wow - how did I marry someone who was so out to crush me in a passive way?

He absolutely will not put cash in my hand.

I have an unbelievable story. We live pretty close to each other. I was coming from my lawyer and stopped into a deli to get lunch meat for my kids because they were supposed to be with me that night and they were with my parents at my house. Anyway - I am at the deli counter and my 2 children (10 and run up to me. I was surprised and then HPD turned the corner. We had a conversation. Within 2 minutes he was telling me about something small I failed to do. (whatever). He ordered cold cuts too. My cold cuts took longer so he went to the counter to pay. I was next in line and he stood there talking to the owner (owner knew he was my husband) and did not offer to pay the $13 for the food for the kids. I was floored - and he didn't care.

With regards to money - he feels that everything should go to him because I didn't work for 8 years (I was raising our children). You can't win.

So typical.

I am always amazed at the "it's all about me" juvenile attitude. The ends justify the means type attitude that you would get when talking with a kid.

"Juvenile" really does describe it. It's like their brains never developed beyond that of a typical 12-year-old, and they don't have the same capacity to process information as a normal adult.

When I think of my bf as a 12 year old in an adult's body, everything makes a lot more sense. Then I have to ask myself "Why am I with a 12 year old??" Wouldn't I rather have a relationship with an adult?

But, sometimes I believe that 12-year-old quality also tends to bind us to them more. We feel that child-like attachment, and some part of us kicks in and wants to take care of them.

Of course, anyone who has been close to a (real) 12 year old knows that there is no such thing as emotional stability or rational thought for more than 10 minutes in a row