Our partner

Why HPDs enjoy breaking hearts: sadism or proof of love?

Histrionic Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.
Forum rules
Attention Please. You are entering the Histrionic Personality Disorder forum. Please read this carefully.

Given the unique propensities of those who are faced with the issues of HPD, topics at times may be uncomfortable for non HP readers. Discussions related to HPD behavior are permitted here, within the context of deeper understanding of the commonalties shared by members. Indulging or encouraging these urges is not what this forum is intended for.

Conversations here can be triggering for those who have suffered abuse from HPDs. .
Non HPD users are welcome to post here, But their questions Must have a respectful tone.
If you are a NON and have issues with an past relationship with an HPD person, it is suggested that you Post in a Relationship forum. Here is a link to that forum: relationship/

For those who have no respect for either this illness or for those who are living with it, please do not enter this forum. Discrimination of Personality Disorders is not tolerated on this site.

Moderators are present here to ensure that members treat each other with dignity and respect. If topics become overly graphic or drift from having a healthy perspective, moderators will intervene.
Please feel free to contact a moderator if you have any questions or concerns.

Best Regards,
The Team

Why HPDs enjoy breaking hearts: sadism or proof of love?

Postby Superman666 » Sun Apr 24, 2016 8:58 pm

This is a question about that set of HPDs who enjoy breaking hearts. I'm not talking about indifference to breaking hearts, or the joy that comes with revenge, but enjoyment of breaking a heart per se.

Why do they/you enjoy it?

Is it simply sadism? Is it seen as the ultimate proof that they/you are indeed loved, and therefore a potent source of supply? Or is it something else?

It is a difficult for me to understand, because it seems to me that even someone who lacks empathy should avoid breaking hearts out of self interest so as not to create enemies and put her reputation at risk.

I would especially appreciate input from HPDs.
Superman666
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Sat Apr 09, 2016 11:10 pm
Local time: Thu Jul 10, 2025 3:52 pm
Blog: View Blog (1)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Why HPDs enjoy breaking hearts: sadism or proof of love?

Postby Fishing-mad » Sun Apr 24, 2016 10:47 pm

Hi,
I'm not HPD so I can't help you; but it's an excellent question. I eagerly await the replies from the HPD sufferers.
Fishing-mad
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 223
Joined: Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:44 am
Local time: Thu Jul 10, 2025 8:52 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Why HPDs enjoy breaking hearts: sadism or proof of love?

Postby creative_nothing » Mon Apr 25, 2016 12:09 pm

I guess it is more like a proof of love, a kind of narcissistic supply. Once they have assured themselves they are loved they may forget the person for one reason or another.
Dx. GAD
In the animal kingdom, the rule is, eat or be eaten; in the human kingdom, define or be defined
Thomas Szasz
creative_nothing
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 5138
Joined: Fri Oct 04, 2013 5:46 pm
Local time: Thu Jul 10, 2025 5:52 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Why HPDs enjoy breaking hearts: sadism or proof of love?

Postby xdude » Mon Apr 25, 2016 12:54 pm

I posed this very question to the ?maybe? HPD woman I fell in love with. Is it about proof that you are lovable? I didn't get nor did I expect an answer, after all this is not something you answer, but I asked it not for answer, but for for her to reflect and for me to ponder what could I live with.
We do NOT delete posts

Read the forum rules before posting here. If you are having any doubts about what you are posting, if you are thinking in the back of your mind, "I am going to want to delete this, or these details, later", remove those details, or step back and don't post until you are sure.
xdude
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 8662
Joined: Thu Dec 23, 2010 3:41 pm
Local time: Thu Jul 10, 2025 3:52 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Why HPDs enjoy breaking hearts: sadism or proof of love?

Postby nom0re » Wed May 25, 2016 10:19 pm

Months after my affair with my ex-HPD ended, i somehow ended up going on a date with her (like nothing had happened). At the end of the night she confessed to me, in a drunken/high dissociated state, that she was actively involved in sabotaging the 'relationship' and that she liked 'games' and the way i 'played-along'. Then after i refused to admit my love to her (i wouldn't grant her the satisfaction after what she just had said) heavy devaluing followed which to me sounded more like projections of herself onto me. She then proceeded to, more or less, sexually assault me. Such a lovely evening.

Ironically though, the days after i felt some sense of reassurance in her confession. It meant that i was NOT imagining things at the time we were dating. That feeling didn't last long though as it soon was replaced with anger of having being treated that way with all the pain as a result.

But looking back on it now, i think she sensed i was withdrawing from the affair and stopped ideolizing her unconditionially anymore (which i was, it was clear she wasn't exactly relationship material, especially because i found these forums and learned about HPD just prior to those events). Instead of dealing with the situation, which involves of some sort of opening up emotionally, the easy way out for HPD's is to, first, find new sources of supply (if not already there) and then create some sort of passive-aggressive drama so they just can avoid the confrontation (not only with the partner, but also with there own imperfection).

Long i figured this was due to a total lack of empathy, and i'm not doubting empathy is certainly an issue, but i also think it's just due to the fact that a HPD/BPD can be totally overwhelmed with their own emotions which results in the fact that there simply isn't more room to consider the perspective of the significant other.

So all and all, i don't think HPD's particularly enjoy the process of breaking hearts, or are malignent in their core. What could be the case though is that somehow they feel rejected, which may justify their actions in their mind.
nom0re
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 102
Joined: Mon Jul 22, 2013 9:42 am
Local time: Thu Jul 10, 2025 8:52 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Why HPDs enjoy breaking hearts: sadism or proof of love?

Postby xdude » Fri May 27, 2016 8:20 pm

I ended up eventually arriving at more or less the same thoughts re: being so consumed by ones own emotions that there is no room for others. HPD is mucked up though by outward and initial appearances that are contrary to that belief.
We do NOT delete posts

Read the forum rules before posting here. If you are having any doubts about what you are posting, if you are thinking in the back of your mind, "I am going to want to delete this, or these details, later", remove those details, or step back and don't post until you are sure.
xdude
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 8662
Joined: Thu Dec 23, 2010 3:41 pm
Local time: Thu Jul 10, 2025 3:52 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Histrionic Personality Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests