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by **Damon** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 11:27 am

Damon,

I've never noticed a "crazy" look in my ex's eyes but what I have noticed is an emotionless empty look. I've also been able to accurately predict when she was lying by looking at her expression. Another look I frequently saw was a cold hostile look. But never anthing I could say was "crazy"...

by **Roni** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 2:59 pm

I have seen a look at times in my bf's eyes that I might call crazy. But, it's not really crazy. It just doesn't look like anyone I recognize.

When he is very angry/distraught (sometimes unpredictably), the look is there. It's very disconcerting, because it's like another personality has taken him over. I don't mean literally, like multiple personalities... or maybe I do.

It's like - looking into the eyes of someone you hold in your heart and not recognizing them in their own body.

I'm not doing a very good job explaining. Somebody else take a stab?

by **graypni** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 3:50 pm

I'm not sure if it's just my HPD's unfortunate looks, but she had what you might call "crazy" eyes. There are a number of photos of her and a bunch of friends where her beady, piercing eyes in the photo were downright creepy. I repeatedly griped about one in particular that someone had online on the front page of a photo collection and asked them to remove it or bury it deep in the photo album because every time I looked at it, you could see that one of these things was just not like the other, in the worst of ways.

They did have an empty look about them at times, too, and I wonder if her overexaggerated gestures and speech were meant to distract you from them. A few times when she had made accusations and I managed to make comebacks that she could not immediately respond to in her typical manipulative manner, she would get the blank stare, and you could tell she was trying to process it and turn it around for her benefit, but was stuck.

by **ccumm36D** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 4:29 pm

I wouldn't know about a crazy look. I often got the feeling I was looking at a child.

by **unsc8thd** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 5:53 pm

I have noticed a blank stare at times during a conversation. it's like talking with a child that didn't understand. maybe she was waiting for me to say something about her. i have also notice the different shapes in her eyes as well. when she is on a high, her eyes are big & green but when she is in a critical mood they are 1/2 the size & appear lighter in color & slanted. One night when she wasn't the center of attention & on alcohol her eyes were almost yellow & very squinted. i tell you...i was a bit alarmed! she also mentioned having weapons in her a$$ which really scared me. :evil:

by **blueguitar** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 11:25 pm

OK. Another thing I noticed about my ex HPD was that her gesturing and artifice could work at the speed of light. By which I mean I could see her "look" change multiple times sometimes 2 or 3 times during the course of a few sentences. It was quite disarming and destablising to say the least. Was this a reflection of her inner "self" at play or just her learned behaviour - it was so confusing.

by **Roni** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 11:48 pm

I think I had an insight after my last post on this thread about "the look."

Bernstein says in "Emotional Vampires" that Histrionics, in their minds, "divide themselves into the parts people like, and the parts that aren't there. When Histrionics are forced to confront those unacceptable missing parts, everything falls to pieces."

Maybe the wild look in the eyes is when the HPD is aware of those unacceptable parts, and we see them as different because indeed in their own awareness they are different at those moments.

That would at least fit my HPD. I think maybe that's why I don't recognize the person behind those eyes - that's the person he keeps suppressed 99% of the time.

by **Jay** » Sun Mar 18, 2007 8:35 am

Masterson calls the HPD's "empty, sad or angry self" as the Withdrawing Part Unit.

The blank stare could also be the result of them being in a dissociated state to numb their emotional pain. Whenever they need to they will become emotionally detached and move into "protective alters" (alternate personalities) and restage their child hood abuse and neglect. This is why they can be in a friendly mood one minute then turn around and become rageful and devoid of empathy the next. Accusing you of the very same things they were accused of as a child.

by **Jay** » Sun Mar 18, 2007 8:50 am

More on empathy: Empathy for others (according to Daniel Siegel in "The Developing Mind" (1999) is a function of what is termed the
"mindsight module" in the right hemisphere. In adults with
disorganized attachment because of unfavorable parenting, he says "{those who hurt others} are capable of empathic relationships with their family and friends but can enter cold, disconnected states when {these same people are seen as abusers}. . . the isolated restriction of the mindsight module of the right hemisphere [can result from] blockage of the corpus callosal fibers interconnecting the two hemispheres...a mechanism that allows mindsight to be impaired as an adaptation to certain overwhelming situations."(p. 202)

What "overwhelming situations" have disabled HPD's "mindsight
modules" and therefore empathy at certain times? I suggest fearful moods (especially loss of love and protection) that might cut off the mindsight module and therefore empathy for those the average HPD hurts. The empathic feelings for the other person are simply not there.

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