SiggyW wrote:- fr4nz83, do you know if there is a network of people who specialise in HPD/BPD? I'm in London and I've found it very difficult to get help ... understandably psych pros rather deal with the person sitting across the table from them than coach that person on how to manage a situation the psych can only analyse through second hand information. The problem is that this is how hit will generally be with HPDs... they are unlikely to wander into a professional's office and say "I think I have an issue and am making life challenging for myself and those around me." I need some really specific and tuned in coaching.
I'm Italian, so unfortunately I can't give you any advice in this sense, I'm sorry

In any case I think you can find, via Google, Ts in London specialized in BPD/HPD...so, give it a look (see at the bottom of my post)! I did exactly this and the T I found here in my city was very good

Anyway, in general I think you can try two things: the first one is to find a psychologist - preferably with a good reputation and specialized in, at least, BPD, fix an appointment and then, during the session, ask which things you can do to improve the situation with your partner. This thing, in itself, will be very useful to handle the situation in the immediate.
The second thing, which represents the best option but is harder to implement, is perhaps to start a couple therapy, so that the T can analyze the HPD sufferer firsthand and suggest ways to handle your conflicts in healthier ways. Not easy to do...
All in all, I think you could go for the first solution first, and then see if you can implement the second one at some point.
PS: Have a look here, perhaps it can be a start:
http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk ... ionic.htmlPS2: In the meantime you may found useful to read these documents, which will inform you about HPD and BPD from a clinical (yet easy to read) point of view:
http://www.universitypsychiatry.com/cli ... _PICPs.pdf (HPD)
http://maretwebproject.com/users/docs/histrionic.pdfhttp://www.universitypsychiatry.com/cli ... _PICPs.pdf (BPD)
http://maretwebproject.com/users/docs/borderline.pdf