HPD and Marriage

Is it possible for an HPD woman to be married for 35 years to the same man - in a seemingly happy and "stable" relationship? The woman in question has every trait of HPD in the DSM; however, she does appear to be in a healthy marriage without obvious infidelity.

All personality disorders have intimacy issues to a degree. However inability to form and keep close relationship is something more along the lines of schizotypal or borderline PDs. Schizotypals usually have also a inability to start relationships.

Ok I have read a few of these posts over the last few days and it leaves me wondering, when does someone suffering from HPD realise they are destroying their own life?

I ask as I have come to the educated conclusion that I have just described myself. I have taken a load of other test to rule out depression and narcissistic PD etc and I am left with this one. I haven't spoken to my GP yet (although I have told my wife I have several times). I have started counselling twice and only managed 1 session both times (both times have been for my wife's sake to 'save' our relationship.

Don't get me wrong I wholeheartedly love my wife however in the 10 years we have been together (4 married) I have had 2 affairs (resulting in a lack of trust) I have been caught on several occasions messaging other women in a graphic and inappropriate way seeking attention and when confronted manage to turn it round into a relationship failing belittling my wife and dragging her though this seemingly endless cave of pain. I hate hurting her but I love the attention, sometimes I think it's self verification but nowadays I am not so sure. I have outburst of rage when confronted and can get very defensive of the situation. I will turn any confrontation into a failing on her part to keep me happy and contented.

I want to develop a family and have children with my wife, there is not much she doesn't give me in the relationship although she has just confessed the sexual element is 90% of the time just to ensure I don't have another affair. The problem is each time I say I will stop but after the manipulation and a few weeks of boredom it slips back in and the whole cycle starts again.

I am at a loss as to what to do and although previously I have lacked the motivation to change I can see now that it needs to happen in order to maintain a relationship and have the family I want.