A Quiet Histrionic?

Are Histrionics always very loud and outgoing, or is there such a thing as more introverted, quiet histrionic?

I see the traits being manifested in myself in a more subtle, quiet way. The need for attention and drama and chaos is there, chronic boredom, etc., but in general I tend to shy away from the limelight. a big, loud party might intimidate me. but in other settings I will be very upset if my significant other doesn't make me the center of attention.

I manage to find more covert, subtle ways to get my fix for attention, and to be in the limelight, but not usually in a loud party atmosphere, if that makes sense.

So are HPDs always very loud and super outgoing at all times?

justagirl00 wrote:Are Histrionics always very loud and outgoing, or is there such a thing as more introverted, quiet histrionic?

I see the traits being manifested in myself in a more subtle, quiet way. The need for attention and drama and chaos is there, chronic boredom, etc., but in general I tend to shy away from the limelight. a big, loud party might intimidate me. but in other settings I will be very upset if my significant other doesn't make me the center of attention.

I manage to find more covert, subtle ways to get my fix for attention, and to be in the limelight, but not usually in a loud party atmosphere, if that makes sense.

So are HPDs always very loud and super outgoing at all times?

Hey justagirl,

it is known that traits can vary in intensity; also, it is required to have 5 out of 8 traits to qualify for HPD - not all of them. As a consequence, even if the "core" thoughts charachterizing the disorder (attention seeking behaviours to get validation/attention) are fully there, it is very possible to not exibith/possess all the traits. Indeed, even if behavioural patterns are similar across different individuals, each individual can "express" the disorder under different forms

As a personal note, I have to say that you resemble very, VERY closely my ex in terms of psychic and behavioural dynamics! That is, you seem to have a commixture of BPD and HPD traits (don't know which one is the dominant component in your case..perhaps it changes over time, depending on your life's situation; in case of my ex, the BPD component seemed the dominant one).

The BPD component is mostly related to those feelings of "inner pain/void, search for the perfect partner that will save/complete you, etc.", while the HPD component is the one behind attention-seeking behaviours...hence, the BPD component likely influences the way through which the HPD component expresses itself and vice versa.

Just a guess, let's see what you say

justagirl00 wrote:Are Histrionics always very loud and outgoing, or is there such a thing as more introverted, quiet histrionic?

Yes. They're rarer and harder to find info on.

Research

Passive-Aggressive Histrionic

and

Borderline Waif

(there's also the Ascetic Hysteric)

All are very similar.

Oops, forgot.

Millon uses the terminology "Tempestuous" HPD for the PA type.

Thank you for the replies, you guys

This is all new to me and I'm interested in exploring HPD and my own HPD side. As I said I've been in denial for so long. Its hard for me to accept this side of myself. I was in bed all day with a migraine yesterday, i think its psychosomatic. but i know its important for me to face up to this stuff and try to change these behaviors.

I will have to research the different subtypes of HPD and see which one resonates.

Fr4nz83 wrote:As a personal note, I have to say that you resemble very, VERY closely my ex in terms of psychic and behavioural dynamics! That is, you seem to have a commixture of BPD and HPD traits (don't know which one is the dominant component in your case..perhaps it changes over time, depending on your life's situation; in case of my ex, the BPD component seemed the dominant one).

The BPD component is mostly related to those feelings of "inner pain/void, search for the perfect partner that will save/complete you, etc.", while the HPD component is the one behind attention-seeking behaviours...hence, the BPD component likely influences the way through which the HPD component expresses itself and vice versa.

Thank you for this Fr4nz. I do relate to both BPD and HPD. I'm trying to figure out which one is dominant in me. For BPD i have the inner pain/void, whenever i'm in a relationship i change my interests and hobbies to those of my partner, etc. I don't have a stable identity or sense of self, i can't tolerate being alone, so all that is BPD, i think. I have much more self-preservation than the average BPD though. I've never self-harmed much or had these repeated suicide attempts that most BPDs seem to.

i think where a pure BPD would become suicidal, i instead go seeking attention for validation. so my HPD traits have kind of protected me from that self-destructive side of BPD, maybe.

i think for a BPD the main supply need is validation and someone to kind of anchor them when they feel lost and empty. so they cling onto these people to anchor and support them, but since they can split people black and have paranoia, they push these anchoring people away at the same time.

for an HPD the main supply source is attention/validation, needing as many sources of attention as possible, and needing to create chaos in order to escape feelings of boredom and emptiness.

i probably actually relate to the second one more, so for me maybe the HPD is dominant. i have to think about it more though. I've only just become self-aware and have a lot of processing to do.

I've been less in denial of my BPD side, because i guess i was holding onto my HPD traits as a security blanket. its harder to give them up. its like my life support system. so i didn't want to face it and its very painful for me to accept it.

i appreciate you guys supporting me through this. eventually i will go over to the SOFF board because i see there are a lot of Nons there who have been victimized by HPDs. maybe i can give my input from my perspective if that would help at all, when i am strong enough to read what they have to say.

justagirl00 wrote:Thank you for the replies, you guys

You're welcome. Kinda ironic that a bunch of Non's are giving advice to a HPD/BPD huh?

justagirl00 wrote:... eventually i will go over to the SOFF board...

I'd stay away until you sort this out. I've posted stuff that has made some Non's uneasy so...

You're a shy, quiet, insecure girl who needs some loving.

justagirl00 wrote:Thank you for the replies, you guys

This is all new to me and I'm interested in exploring HPD and my own HPD side. As I said I've been in denial for so long. Its hard for me to accept this side of myself. I was in bed all day with a migraine yesterday, i think its psychosomatic. but i know its important for me to face up to this stuff and try to change these behaviors.

I will have to research the different subtypes of HPD and see which one resonates.

Fr4nz83 wrote:As a personal note, I have to say that you resemble very, VERY closely my ex in terms of psychic and behavioural dynamics! That is, you seem to have a commixture of BPD and HPD traits (don't know which one is the dominant component in your case..perhaps it changes over time, depending on your life's situation; in case of my ex, the BPD component seemed the dominant one).

The BPD component is mostly related to those feelings of "inner pain/void, search for the perfect partner that will save/complete you, etc.", while the HPD component is the one behind attention-seeking behaviours...hence, the BPD component likely influences the way through which the HPD component expresses itself and vice versa.

Thank you for this Fr4nz. I do relate to both BPD and HPD. I'm trying to figure out which one is dominant in me. For BPD i have the inner pain/void, whenever i'm in a relationship i change my interests and hobbies to those of my partner, etc. I don't have a stable identity or sense of self, i can't tolerate being alone, so all that is BPD, i think. I have much more self-preservation than the average BPD though. I've never self-harmed much or had these repeated suicide attempts that most BPDs seem to.

i think where a pure BPD would become suicidal, i instead go seeking attention for validation. so my HPD traits have kind of protected me from that self-destructive side of BPD, maybe.

i think for a BPD the main supply need is validation and someone to kind of anchor them when they feel lost and empty. so they cling onto these people to anchor and support them, but since they can split people black and have paranoia, they push these anchoring people away at the same time.

for an HPD the main supply source is attention/validation, needing as many sources of attention as possible, and needing to create chaos in order to escape feelings of boredom and emptiness.

i probably actually relate to the second one more, so for me maybe the HPD is dominant. i have to think about it more though. I've only just become self-aware and have a lot of processing to do.

I've been less in denial of my BPD side, because i guess i was holding onto my HPD traits as a security blanket. its harder to give them up. its like my life support system. so i didn't want to face it and its very painful for me to accept it.

You know, your dynamics are so similar with respect to my ex's ones that for me speaking with you is like speaking to my ex, just a much more aware version.

I also had this impression that my ex used her HPD "component" as a flamboyant/funny shield/facade to mask her insecurities/inner pain (the BPD "component") which were extremely evident when I was her partner (intimate).

Just out of curiosity...how do you relate with your "important" exes (i.e., the ones with whom you had an important/long term relationship)? Do you esteem them? Are you NC with them (so, cut-off type) or you maintain some kind of relationship with some of them?

Thanks for your sharing your ideas

Hi Fr4nz83

I am still in contact with two ex-bfs. I tend to get involved with men who are also on the Cluster B spectrum, and both of these were. I can't pinpoint exactly which Cluster b, probably a mix of traits, BPD/NPD/ASPD.

I've had other relationships since these but the relationships were not as intimate and we haven't stayed in touch as much. An occasional drunk dial or hoover attempt here and there, but not the same steady, constant contact I have with these two exes.

I have a feeling its their own Cluster B traits that make them want to stay in contact with me. Both of them have either been married (now divorced) since we dated or have gotten into another very serious relationship. But that didn't stop them from contacting me and I didn't put a stop to it, since I do like keeping the communication open and keeping tabs. although I try to keep the boundary healthy, as in, I would not sleep with them while they are in another relationship, and I try not to flirt or hoover.

I think with these two there was a genuine bond and connection that developed. it might be healthier for all of us to go NC completely. its something I have to think about, if I am really doing myself or them any favors by keeping the communication open. I probably have something to do with one of my ex-bf's divorce. I know his wife knew about me and it was a big issue with them. and my other ex-bf is paranoid his girlfriend will find out about me. but he continues to seek contact with me at least once a month or so. I guess there is something unresolved there that he won't be able to let go completely until he gets it resolved, maybe.

I don't know if I "esteem" these guys. the relationships didn't work and I would not be up for another try. but I do feel like they were an important part of my life and I enjoy knowing how they are doing. there is no ex-bf I idealize or would want to get back together with. usually, once i'm done, i'm done. although there was plenty of back and forth while we were together, I couldn't go back to that same level of idealization I had in the beginning. I know that level of idealization is unrealistic, and we are suppose to love people for their flaws, or despite their flaws. but I can't seem to have those intense, loving feelings if i'm not idealizing someone.

I see, thanks for your answers

For what relates to me, even if I'm a non I definitely have borderline and covert narcissistic traits; borderline ones probably played a major role during and after the relationship, and probably this is where we truly connected (even if unbeknowst to us).
I also agree with the impression (which is also supported by academic literature) that cluster Bs tend to attract each other; NPD/BPD, NPD/HPD or BPD/BPD are not uncommon.

Anyway, almost 11 months of NC from both sides...not a peep from me or her. Our relationship lasted 18 months, it was very intense...huge up and downs, she also wrote me little poems, just to give you an idea.

Sometimes I'd really like to reconnect with her, because at moments I really felt a huge connection with her during the relationship, but I just can't do it...part of that is because I was treated so poorly that I categorically refuse to do it...and part is because she's still togheter with the guy she replaced me with during the horrible aftermath
From her side, I can only guess she didn't try to reconnect up to this day because of shame...even if she probably found all the possible reasons to not do it. The cutting-off is also a common pattern for her: whenever she does some huge disaster, she prefers to run away...

PS: If you're interested about the aftermath, read here: http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/inde ... sg12598157
Be careful that at that time I was really hurt and depressed, so I hope it won't trigger you in case you read.