A Quiet Histrionic?

Hi again Fr4nz83

I agree that Cluster B's seem to end up together. I have been involved with Nons also but I think most Nons get a sense of something "off" about pwPDs, so end things before getting too involved. Also, I've noticed there is not the same fireworks with Nons, for me, that I get with other Cluster Bs. With Nons I feel like I have to be too well behaved, too on guard, while with other Cluster Bs I can relax more and show my extremes, and they respond better to it, or at least are more tolerant.

There are a lot of psychodynamic theories around that that i'm sure you know about, so I won't get into them here, but I think that also explains the attraction. My ex-bfs also had Cluster B mothers as far as I could tell. probably why they were attracted to me as well.

I tried to click on the BPDfamily link but its not working right now. I will try again later because I am interested in reading about it.

i'm sure there was a genuine connection between you two. I don't think HPDs "fake" relationships, the way some people might think they do. its not all an act for attention. at least in my case, I develop extremely intense and deep feelings for people. more intense than Nons do, i'm sure. its the idealization and also some grandiose fantasies around love, I think. and my ability to experience intense emotions, highs and lows. that is probably part of the seductive quality. the degree of intensity a guy will experience when I am in love with him and am showing him best side, is probably pretty intoxicating and addictive. and at the time, its all real for me, at least, it feels real. and its addictive for me too. so I have trouble letting go as well.

i'm sorry to hear she treated you that way though. I don't know the details so of course I can't comment or give my opinion on it. but I can see how that would be a very painful and traumatic thing to experience. I think I have been on the other end of something like that. I was the victim at one point (he was ASPD, I think). took a very long time to get over that, and the way I was so quickly and easily replaced, and then he had the balls to try to hoover me multiple times. although, I probably victimized him too.

Hey justagirl,

I do recall reading, over the time I've been here, posts from others who had written they felt more like introverts than extroverts. At times they pushed themselves to be extroverts, or had extroverted mood swings, but overall their HPD (diagnosed or not) traits tended to be less visible and extreme than the stereotype of the highly extroverted type. Not sure if that applies to you, but food for thought.

I also think it's possible to have some of the traits, such as I have some of the traits of NPD, without the extremes that make the disorder so obvious to others.

Thank you for the food for thought xdude

That's how I feel, I have extroverted mood swings. Then I completely withdraw for awhile. It cycles like that.

A friend I know seems always hypomanic at all times and can never spend a quiet evening at home. That is one very extreme end of the spectrum I think.

If I do have traits they are overall a more introverted version with some periodic extroverted moments.

Just my 2 cents: it can be that in certain parts of your life some component prevails over the others, depending on the specific context and how your life is going.

For example, my ex had periods where she was all into parties, going out, etc. (HPD component), while during others she was quite alone, introverted, etc. (BPD component).

I relate to that Fr4nz

I think I was supposed to be naturally more extroverted than I am but my introversion is due to self esteem, self worth problems. That results in more bpd symptoms and periods of depression symptoms.

I think my natural personality is more outgoing though.

I do seem to attract a lot of attention when in public but if im doing something its not on purpose. But the way I dress and act sometimes probably is kind of "loud"

Also when im with a friend at a restaurant I've noticed people around us always eaves drop on oyr conversations and stop talking amongst themselves. They keep looking over at us, but not in an annoyed way. They seem entertained and smile.

I wonder if we are being loud and dramatic. If so its not done on purpose, just acting natural.

justagirl00 wrote:Also when im with a friend at a restaurant I've noticed people around us always eaves drop on oyr conversations and stop talking amongst themselves. They keep looking over at us, but not in an annoyed way. They seem entertained and smile.

I wonder if we are being loud and dramatic. If so its not done on purpose, just acting natural.

In those parts of the relationship where things were going well, I experienced those very pleasant moments too. It was really fantastic to hang out with her! She also teached me how to "use" histrionic (positive) traits I really didn't know to possess. As a side-note, charm can be learned, but histrionics seem to have a natural talent for charming.

I think I was supposed to be naturally more extroverted than I am but my introversion is due to self esteem, self worth problems. That results in more bpd symptoms and periods of depression symptoms.

Yeah, that's for sure.

Another thing I noticed is that during the beginning of our r/s she was very extroverted and happy (probably the influencing factor was the beginning of a new relationship, so excitement deriving from it); however, as the time passed, the "BPD" component emerged more and more, thus "darkening" the HPD one (which was still present, just "kicking in" much less times) and creating all the plethora of problems we know very well.

Just after the break-up, she started again to exibith HPD traits, probably due to chasing (or attention coming from) new partners.

Lastly, another big influencing factor was her job (depending if it was going well or bad, her mood could change, even quite dramatically).

There are many books written by introverts on how they embraced their introversion, and are happy as-is. A common point made in such books is that introverts may feel depressed when they live in societies that highly value extroverts (keeping in mind not all societies do). Such societies do often praise and promote extroverts, while 'snubbing' (lacking a better word) introverts. It does have an effect on an introverts self-esteem in those societies.

There are also some newer thoughts on introversion I've read based on some new experiments and MRI studies that point toward a strong correlation between sensitivity and introversion. The introverts are often the highly sensitive children, much more reactive to external stimulation. In the MRI studies, the introverts minds are more active in some areas of their brains. Another way to say it is introverts feel a need to limit the amount of external stimulation because they are already very mentally stimulated. The inverse too, a strong correlation that the extroverts needed more external stimulation to light up the same areas of their brains. Sort of like going to a concert, and one person hears it much louder than the other (yes not the best analogy). Another example, a party of 4 people might be every bit as stimulating to someone who is an introvert as a party of 40 is to someone who is an extrovert.

Point being low/high self-esteem and introvert/extrovert can sometimes be intertwined, and even though being an introvert has nothing directly to do with having poor self-esteem, they become entangled in social norms.

Hey X,

about what you said...before the r/s I had with my ex I'd describe myself as a slightly introverted person...after the relationship, I'd describe myself as extroverted; it is as if I "acquired" some histrionic traits (charme?) from her and learnt to be quite more "at ease" in social settings.

As a sidenote, these "acquired" traits helped me to be very successful when dating some girls after the end of the r/s...

What do you think?

xdude wrote:There are many books written by introverts on how they embraced their introversion, and are happy as-is. A common point made in such books is that introverts may feel depressed when they live in societies that highly value extroverts (keeping in mind not all societies do). Such societies do often praise and promote extroverts, while 'snubbing' (lacking a better word) introverts. It does have an effect on an introverts self-esteem in those societies.

There are also some newer thoughts on introversion I've read based on some new experiments and MRI studies that point toward a strong correlation between sensitivity and introversion. The introverts are often the highly sensitive children, much more reactive to external stimulation. In the MRI studies, the introverts minds are more active in some areas of their brains. Another way to say it is introverts feel a need to limit the amount of external stimulation because they are already very mentally stimulated. The inverse too, a strong correlation that the extroverts needed more external stimulation to light up the same areas of their brains. Sort of like going to a concert, and one person hears it much louder than the other (yes not the best analogy). Another example, a party of 4 people might be every bit as stimulating to someone who is an introvert as a party of 40 is to someone who is an extrovert.

Point being low/high self-esteem and introvert/extrovert can sometimes be intertwined, and even though being an introvert has nothing directly to do with having poor self-esteem, they become entangled in social norms.

This is interesting. I may have some misperceptions about introversion vs. extroversion. Can it exist on a spectrum? I usually score introverted on tests but not fully....there is some partial extroversion as well.

Are those on the autism spectrum (and Schizoid) probably at the extreme end of introversion, I wonder? Autists are very sensitive to the external environment and get too easily overwhelmed by external stimuli, so they retreat into themselves. I suppose Schizoids are about the same. (Well, there are different theories on that, but that is one theory of SPD, I think.)

As for me, I do have a high social need but a lot of that might be the BPD'ness, not having my own identity I feel really lost and empty if I don't have someone around I can reflect and mirror. so that's why its hard to be alone. but I am very sensitive.

however, I sometimes crave extra stimulation as well. as an escape from the emptiness, and the "inner void."

so I don't know if all that is introverted or extroverted. I guess it doesn't matter, i'm just kind of thinking out loud because you sparked some ideas.

I think with the Cluster Bs, maybe introversion and extroversion does not work the same way as it does with Nons. Nons might be more consistent and stable. I feel sort of changing and half-formed, I can be one way one day, and a completely different way the next day. there is no real rhyme or reason to it.

@ Fr4nz I tend to agree with you, I think after being involved with people we can pick up on some of their personality traits.

Definitely introvert<->extrovert is a personality trait that occurs on a very wide spectrum, and of course, we can vary ourselves (e.g., day to day).

I just wrote the comment above because while the tendency to be introverted vs extroverted is entirely normal, it's one of those personality traits that has far reaching consequences, including an impact on our self-esteem. I think you are right though that cluster B personalities may (at least at times) have a less stable personal self-image, so change personality traits more fluidly.

That written,

A simple way to say it is that introverts often feel burned out if they are around too many other people for long. They tend to do better in one on one encounters, but even then, may burn out and need a dose of alone time to recharge. Extroverts tend to the opposite, and need interaction with others to recharge; likewise can end up feeling burned out without those interactions.

It may not be possible for someone to have HPD and have a personality that tends toward the introverted side, but if there is, I could imagine that there would be a degree of inner conflict.