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Although I dont have any great words of advise...your post pulled at my heart strings. I am HPD and also a single mother. I also have a mother who sounds very much like you - in love with grandchild and wanting to always keep them happy and safe.

First, this is not your fault. Second, your priority and this point should be to keep the kids safe. If you know, or suspect, that those kids are being abused or neglected in anyway...you need to call child protection - which you may do so without revealing your identity. Your daughter is an adult and those kids are not. You are there to protect the grandkids.

I can only imagine how hard this is for you. I am lucky because although HPD is my problem, my child is well provided for. I love her to death and will NEVER let anything get in the way of that. Plus I am education, employed, stable etc...so I am doing ok.

You can only point your daughter in the right direction. Encourage her to seek help, and support her in that. Other than that, you are enabling her self-destructive behaviors. Sure she may be scarred from childhood, but she is an adult now and needs to take responsibility for her own life. We ALL have childhood issues, but we must learn to overcome them for OUR OWN GOOD. She is not able, or ready, to do that; therefore, your goal should be to protect those grandkids from further harm.

My thought is that you should seek help for yourself. See a therapist if you can. Find someone to help YOU get through this and to help you set boundaries with your daughter. It is the only thing that you can do that might actually help your daughter - and that is to help yourself. It is so easy to fall into an enabling situation with those that we love...and to become codependent in these unhealthy relationships. You take responsibility for your part in the relationship with your daughter, because you cannot control what she does. Really, i advise you to seek a therapist asap in your area and start the healing process for YOU. It cannot be easy to deal with your daughter and you will need some strong support and guidance.

I wish you luck. Take Care. And also, there are A LOT of grandparents out there in similiar situations as you. You may find a support group or something through your county services, depending on where you live.