HPD hanging around like a bad smell...

Hi all

Will try and keep this short and sweet. In summary, I'm female and I had this female HPD friend for a number of years. Insert usual tales of crazy-making and public theatrics.

The culmination was when I got a boyfriend at which point little miss HPD went into overdrive - constantly attempting to monopolise his attention etc. I've never been the jealous type which I admittedly pride myself on, so I was a little perturbed by the fact that my belly went a bit funny everytime my bf and I were in her company. Finally, I had 2 people independently tell me, umprompted, that there was something very suspicious in her behaviour.

And then, there were a few more twists in her melodrama which I will not detail and I started trying to fade her out. She realised what I was trying to do and started getting even more clingy and eventually, I stopped seeing her at all because on the few occasions I did, she'd get this really scary, crazy look in her eyes as she clung to my arm and proclaimed how we were soul sisters forever or some sh*t like that. And then she'd go on about how she was absolutely not interested in my bf and not attracted to him at all and not trying to flirt with him and how 'our friendship' was more important than any man... all that hypocritical drivel just made me really want to slap her and I thought I'd better stop seeing her before I gave in to temptation.

The problem is that now that I'm not available, she's attached herself to a good friend of mine that she met through me. Said friend is one of those nice people, an inveterate do-gooder who is a bleeding heart for every wounded puppy or orphaned child out there. She's one of those people who only sees the best in people which usually means that people automatically fall in love with her.

I don't believe that just because I have a falling out with a friend (actually, I think she's the 1st friend I've ever fallen out with) means that they automatically can't be friends with my friends. That's just childish. But little miss HPD is just dangerous. She preys on your sense of empathy and sympathy till she sucks you dry and warps your mind. She's been monopolising my friend's time and energy with her constant drama and my friend once admitted that she feels 'exhausted'.

I feel responsible in some way for inflicting little miss HPD on her but at the same time, it'd be hard for me to warn her without sounding bitchy. Because to be honest, you start me on little miss HPD and I'll be foaming at the mouth in 5 seconds. I'm my own worst enemy that way.

To make matters worse, my friend is experiencing problems in her marriage at the moment so you can just imagine little miss HPD loving the melodrama and I just can't imagine anyone who'd be worse to have around at a time like that.

Finally, things have been a little awkward between my friend and I lately. She knows I'm not speaking to little miss HPD anymore and little miss hpd has been apparently crapping on endlessly about how "she misses me so" and how "she doesn't know what she could've done" playing the victim role she does so well.

I just wish I could get rid of her from my life. The woman is such a loser, she doesn't even have any of her own friends to turn to, she has to attach herself to mine. And then god forbid, she could be mature about it and leave this as a disagreement between her and me, she has to pull my friend into her melodrama. Sometimes I think she chose my friend specifically so she can continue to irritate me. I don't want to pull my friend in the middle where little miss HPD says one thing and I say another, I think doing so would be stooping to her level and just continuing this latest sick game of hers.

I've decided to give my friend space while she has little miss hpd on her hands, everytime we've met lately, little miss hpd calls without fail after engineering some 'crisis'. And my friend just looks incredibly uncomfortable looking at me talking on the phone to her and I want to spare her the discomfort.

I don't know if it's the right thing to do. I want to help but the fact that I have such strong feeling against little miss HPD probably makes me the worst person to do so.

I would really appreciate a second perspective.

Another perspective:
You are in a unique position to help out a friend. You're on this forum, so you have already surmised that there's something very dangerously wrong with this person.
Your dilemma is one of public perception vs. self-image. You tell this girl what's going on and you come across as bitchy. You don't, and how do you appear in your own eyes?

I think you already know what you should do here.

Thanks, Racer_X, for your wise reply!

I have warned her. I guess my concern was that given my very evident strong dislike for miss HPD, I wouldn't come across as particularly impartial and therefore trustworthy in a sense. But I guess there are some things I can't control.

I wish I could get over my strong dislike for miss HPD. I feel like it means she still has control over me in a sense, that she can elicit such strong reactions. I hope to one day get to a state where I can have empathy for her problems but be indifferent to her.

It's just a matter of time I guess.

Thanks for your help. It was much appreciated.

"public perception vs. self-image" Good going on telling her about your hpd. You may tarnish your self with your friend, but will be able to live with yourself. I took the same road and feel good about myself. Some people around me still fall for her games. If they get hurt,? I can sleep at night anyway! To hell with public perception, I care about people around me. Our weekness to the HPD>>> Very scary but it makes me feel good about myself. SHE WILL BE EXPOSED SOON ENOUGH....... we all forget about that.