Have you ever noticed this?

Hello,

I know there is talk about the HPD as being an empty shell of a person, and mine seems exactly like that. She's fed a little bit of information about the going ons in someone else's life and all of a sudden it's hers. She will watch a movie and pretend such an event happened to her over the weekend.

The thing that strikes me is everything seems to be made up. Is her life that boring or uneventful that she has to fabricate everything? Sometimes, when I look at her she just seems so mechanical when she says things. Don't get me wrong, she will say it with a smile and playfulness, but it is so shallow. Let's say she watched the movie the Notebook. She'll say it is the story of her life, but she can't elaborate.

She'll attend some event and spits out the facts, but never says how much fun she had or what made it so special. For example, I might ask her what she did for the weekend. Shre'll respond by saying she went to a wedding, which is the truth, but she doesn't go into great detail. Another thing I've noticed is when talking about loved ones there is never the sharing of how that person makes her feel. She never mentions them by name. So depersonalized.

Using her boyfriend as an example. She'll talk of how he does nice things for her. Takes care of her, but very rarely if ever, do I hear of how much she loves him or how much he drives her crazy. There is no discussion regarding how he pulls on her heart strings, which you'd expect from someone who's supposively in love. I do know on one occassion she has been angry with him, but that's all.

It is with these moments, that I experience the emptiness within her. She'll make a comment with no real attachment to what we are discussing. She's like one of those cardboard cutouts of some celebrity, which you can take a picture with. All a facade.

The thing is, lately, in our interactions, it seems as though she tries so hard to be a little deeper... relate to me more,,, but just doesn't know how to. She might claim to appreciate a more intimate sexual relationship with her current partner, but it just seems so canned. It's like she's trying to portray herself as a warm person, but can't.

I know she knows I like a woman who I can have a deeper connection with, but I don't think she's doing it as part of the game, but more as a way to relate to me. Maybe that's why she limits herself to everybody in just small doses. She doesn't have to expose herself because there is nothing to expose.

I think she senses, I'm pulling farther and farther away from her and maybe she's desperately trying to find a way to strengthen the "bond" between us. I do know I haven't spoken to her in a week now, and she has all but disappeared on me. Kind of implemented her own no contact plan. Her own self imposed pity party hoping I come along to draw her out? Is this typical of an HPD/NPD/BPD?

There is frequent talk about how evil an HPD can be, but I don't necessarily see it that way in it's entirety. I view the HPD as more of a lost soul. Yeah, they can harm the hell out of you, and make us look like fools, but evil? I don't know. Their behavior isn't excusable, but given their circumstances, very understandable.

It's a shame that someone is incapable of expressing anything deep. No matter how hard they try.

She's fed a little bit of information about the going ons in someone else's life and all of a sudden it's hers. She will watch a movie and pretend such an event happened to her over the weekend.

Actually no, I haven't noticed that.

She'll attend some event and spits out the facts, but never says how much fun she had or what made it so special.

Mine would spit out a little detail, but it was mainly about how much fun she had, how happy she was, etc.

Another thing I've noticed is when talking about loved ones there is never the sharing of how that person makes her feel.

Again, opposite in my case. It was *all* about how that other person makes her feel but never about how that person was feeling.

It's like she's trying to portray herself as a warm person, but can't.

Again, opposite. Mine is best at portraying herself as a warm person without actually being one.

Her own self imposed pity party hoping I come along to draw her out?

This is directly at odds with your later statement

but evil? I don't know.

There seems to be some controversy over whether this behavior is selected randomly in a trial-and-error fashion because she doesn't have empathy or whether it's intentionally guided on a malevolent deeper level. Jury's still out, but I'm voting for option B because she was effective too often for it to be random.
AFA the self-imposed pity party, wouldn't you classify that as emotional blackmail? Sounds pretty evil to me.


IAC, the details you have shared thus far simply don't correlate to HPD as I understand it. Sounds more like whatever is the opposite of HPD, maybe NPD? I'm guessing. I don't have an understanding of any other PDs because they haven't affected my life *shrug*

Racer_X wrote:*snip*
IAC, the details you have shared thus far simply don't correlate to HPD as I understand it. Sounds more like whatever is the opposite of HPD, maybe NPD? I'm guessing. I don't have an understanding of any other PDs because they haven't affected my life *shrug*

Or perhaps he is just more perceptive than you.

Wouldn't surprise me if that was the case.

I guess relating emotions depends big time on much empathy you have. You're right about the inability to relate their feelings about someone/something. It can be heartbreaking (if you're a martyr like I became) to see them try. For example:

Catching up with my HPD after an overseas business trip I was describing the cuisine (being a bit of a foodie). She said "oooh yes, I looove food, yummy!", and rolled her eyes with ecstasy.
I continued on about the shopping, fashion etc. (thought it would interest a shopaholic+ fashion worker) and all she could say was "Yes! I like shopping too!" . Very enthusiastically of course, but that was all.

Catching up with my HPD after an overseas business trip I was describing the cuisine (being a bit of a foodie). She said "oooh yes, I looove food, yummy!", and rolled her eyes with ecstasy.
I continued on about the shopping, fashion etc. (thought it would interest a shopaholic+ fashion worker) and all she could say was "Yes! I like shopping too!" . Very enthusiastically of course, but that was all.

This is exactly what I'm talking about. She would say very similar phrases, but would never go beyond that. Here all along I thought my conversation skills were lacking because I couldn't get much out of her unless I spoke of her beauty or something relating to her. It's strange because I could si with her for an hour and not really get to know much about her. Are they hardwired like this forever or is this some kind of defense mechanism to avoid opening up to someone unless there is some trust? I'm wondering if this more NPD or BPD than HPD?

Are they hardwired like this forever or is this some kind of defense mechanism to avoid opening up to someone unless there is some trust?

Isn't it usually a result of not having acquired the necessary "skills" while growing up for the "job" in adult life. Kind of like someone who struggled thru French 101 taking a translating job in Paris?

Is it fair to compare it to needing to learn a new language? (Yeah I know different brain bits do different jobs so its not a great analogy).
By that I mean in that it's easy to do at age 5, but harder at age 35 (and for a whole bunch of reasons; adult society is very different...) and needs regular practice?

Okay here's the latest.

I don't know if this is her NPD, HPD or BPD coming out but either way I'm concerned.

As some of you might know my HPD is transferring to a different site for our company. Recently, I've been less involved with her because of addtional workloads and preoccupation with other things. Well, she doesn't seem to like it. Today she got very angry and questioned our friendship because I didn't respond to her emails. I explained why and had a legitimate verifiable excuse, and she still was skeptical. Prying me for additional details. She seemed very concerned that I didn't consider her a friend because I wasn't at her beckon call.

Later in the day, she came by and started to discuss and stressed how vindictive she can be and told stories of retaliation against a male friend. She discussed how she didn't like being touched, etc., which when describing it sounds very much like how I would touch her i.e. mid-back. If I did touch her it was in a very non-sexual way (guiding her through a crowded room, etc.).

Also, she talked of how when she goes to her new job, all the young guys will be chasing her and she looks forward to it. She made other comments and tried to draw attention to my age and how I was much older. She could be just spitting out the first thought that comes out of her head. However, I saw this more as an attempt to make me jealous. Since everything she has said and done appeared deliberate to provoke a response from me, which it didn't.

Lastly, I mentioned seeking other employment and she insisted I take her with me. When I didn't respond right away, she became very insistent. In a tone that says, "you will take me with you". Again, it seemed like she felt I was abandoning her. What is going through her head?

She also mentioned how she can cut people out of her life without thinking twice about it, which is very much BPD.

My analysis is she's up to something. What it is? I don't know. And if anybody has ever been in a similar situation, how does one handle it?

Anyguy, I don't think she is up to something if she is hpd. They act at a given moment depending on how they feel emotionally. Since they perceive reality or the facts depending how they feel (happy, upset, depressed etc) their response is unpredictable.
The hpd car has no steering wheel. The car could go straight or down the hill, depending on the emotions.
Do you wanna turn over control of your life to someone who has no control over hers?