Mind games, relationships, only wanting what´s not available

I have been chasing the "bad boy" all my life, now Im almost 30yrs old and tired of it. I found out im chasing what I "cant have", the thrill or the constant seeking for approval and constant need I have for the challenge to see if I can have it.. once I do, I dont want it anymore.
F.ex. this guy I was seeing on and off and broke my heart last year, I was really crazy about him... once I saw how hard to get he actually was (first when I thought he wanted me I had no interest at all), I really wanted him and nothing else. Months passed and I see actually how fast I am assuming things and taking everything very dramatically, over analyzing everything per usual. Now he comes to me, tells me everything I wanted to hear and wants only me, calls me, texts, etc etc and I dont want anything to do with him really. Ive had boyfriends I´ve been head over heels with... then one day I wake up and nope, no feelings at all whatsover. Like the love just popped out, and I have no reasons, it is so upsetting and confusing.
Do you have any tips on how to keep the good guy, stop throwing him away and once he is away wanting him back? .... and in the whole meanwhile realizing he deserves much better. Any tips how I can just get a grip, stop this, and most of all, not have the feelings of love go away in the glips of an eye out of no reason? Should I just stick it through with Mr. Niceguy, see if I will like him again, listen to my brain and not stupid feelings that change faster then the weather?

I am tired of wanting only what I cant have and once I can have it I dont want it anymore. It is hard for other people and most of all, its devastating and confusing for me and I dont know how to make it stop.

Before giving an answer, a question: are you HPD diagnosed? A little bit of your background would be really helpful to help you.

Well... Im seeing a pshych now ... number 3 or 4... We are looking into it now, but there are some complications as I am not sure I want to be analyzed and have anything on paper and other reasons (hurray for trust issues too). She said a lot of my personality describes HPD so it is worth looking into, I feel everything I have read about it is just a plain description of my personality and there seems to be nothing not matching the description, it is disturbing. I need to be the center of attention, otherwise I get bored, if there is not a challenge to something (work, school, boys), I get bored as soon as there is no challenge and want something else, Im a control freak - the most superficial things bother me about the guys I date, clothes, hair, stupid things like that. I seem to be in need of constant approval from other people, specially boys and always have been. I am very dramatic.. VERY, I dont get cold, Im freezing cold to death. If im warm, Im dying of heat.. Im dying of hunger, not just hungry. There is no color, everything is black and white. Im manipulative but not in a bad way, I would never be mean to anyone or anything ever, I am a good very warm hearted person but it is more to see how far I can get... I push until I cant get further. As soon as I reach my goal in anything its not good enough, I didnt set it high enough, make a new one. My feelings change faster then anything and I have no control of them, it annoys me when I see f.ex. the guy Im dating having a bad hair day, I can go from being in love to just almost disgusted (i know it sounds horrible ) and I feel so bad about it and wish I didnt feel this way but I cant seem to be able to not feel it, stupid feelings.

Oh and yes then I have ADHD but thats mainly just me being all over and very active, little butterfly but never stopped me from uni graduation or with school as Im very determined and focused when I have a goal I need to reach and a challenge behind the corner.

Question for you. Do you break up with a guy after you've found someone new/better? Do you hang onto him even after the relationship should have ended because you don't want to be alone? Or do you break up right away when you lose feeling for him and then spend time alone until the next guy?
(And hi. Welcome to HPD land)

pedsmommy wrote:Question for you. Do you break up with a guy after you've found someone new/better? Do you hang onto him even after the relationship should have ended because you don't want to be alone? Or do you break up right away when you lose feeling for him and then spend time alone until the next guy?
(And hi. Welcome to HPD land)

Very well targeted questione peds...after alla you really know well the matter

Let's see what our friend will answer...I think I already know what it will be

Oh and I have one more question. Are you currently in a serious relationship and if so do you think it's a good relationship for you?

I don't recognize myself in the part where you say that you love someone one moment and the next you're disgusted by him. That sounds commitment phobia to me. I wouldn't say that's typical HPD behavior. I'm not saying that you are not, it's just that it's not necessary a symptom, in my opinion.

I can be in love and stay in love for years. The problem is, that I fall too easily in love. I don't fall out of love easily, as you seem to do.