Garlic for an emotional vampire?

I am a female who has a friend I’ll call Alice, whose behavior I find draining and invasive. I suspect she has a histrionic personality at the very least and wonder if anyone can offer insight into how I can modify my behavior to get this person to stop coming to me with her problems, without being the ‘bad guy’ – I don’t want to overtly tell this person to get lost for the sake of harmony in my social circle, but I don’t want her anywhere near me for the sake of my own sanity.

Here’s a snapshot of Alice:

1. outgoing, loud
2. façade of easygoing-ness: actually supremely exacting
3. believes she can see ghosts and feel spirits
4. façade of bravado: claims she is tough and independent, but panics easily.
5. deleted
6. façade of sexual aggressiveness, but extremely prudish when it comes down to actually having sex.
7. blames other people for everything that goes wrong in her life



Alice:
1. makes me feel like a bad person. She is very demanding, and there is no satisfying her. You either do what she wants or you have betrayed her.
2. is an invasive guest. She has no boundaries. She seems to know this about herself, and is very disciplined about her visits.
3. has outsized emotional reactions.

The upshot is:
Alice’s breakdowns are repetitive and emotionally draining. I've lost interest in our friendship, realizing I get very little out of it.

What I need is some garlic to ward off an emotional vampire. Any advice?

The only thing you can do to turn her away is act extremely boring and disinterested when she comes around.

Once she notices how you are acting she will probably still try to draw attention from you with some fake story.

It could be anything from about how some guy tried to rape her or how someone tried to beat her up or whatnot.

This garbage will be to try and get you all concerned giving her that concerned attention as almost any attention will do for a desperate attention starved histrionic from someone she feels she needs to get it from.

So yeah basically she'll probably tell you a wild story that she'll pull out of her hat once she realizes you are being boring and no longer engaging and receptive to her.

Don't fall for it even if it sounds serious.

If she's "dying of cancer" or has "been raped" calmly and plainly tell her to either seek medical assistance or contact law enforcement.

The key is being boring and not to get all excited over whatever she tells you.

Don't make her problems your overriding focus no matter what.

To rephrase what KontrollerX has said:

An HPD wants everyone to join their drama. Cast your role as a disinterested stage hand, sitting quitely off-stage.

KontrollerX

Once she notices how you are acting she will probably still try to draw attention from you with some fake story.

You don't know how many made up stories I have heard. Many times she will rehash things I've told her into the storytelling. Example, I once told her of delicacy eaten in my ancestral homeland and she claims to have eaten the same thing for dinner recently. I told her I wouldn't touch it unless I washed ot down with a beer. I asked her if her bf ate it, and she said he did but he had to have a beer with it. And the thing is, they are such good liars that you can't tell the truth from fiction unless you have a strong memory and keen intuition.

My HPD/BPD once told me she has a potential modeling gig. She said it was for two major men's magazines (not porn). Showed me an e-mail from her agent, etc. However, when I pulled up one of the magazine's website. They were no longer in business. lol. Rather than embarass her and call her out on it, I fed her ego by telling her she has that girl next door look and is very attractive. She has that extra something most women lack. She ate it up like no other.

Of course, I now know this is all done to uplift her and satisfy her need for attention. What is bothersome is she can come on real strong and you think you've supplied her with awesome attention, and then she'll move on to someone else as if none was ever given.

Protease

KontrollerX is right about coming off as disinterested. Avoid showing any interest or desire to empathize with her. It's been hard for me because people are drawn to me naturally because I'm considered a good listener. One who doesn't dominate the scene but still can provide a sense of security to the other party. So, mine including a male friend who shows the same tendancies are always calling about some drama or made up story.

I realize she is moving to a new city which brings new experiences for her. This might cause her to naturally break away from you once she finds a replacement.

This is all very good advice. I will try to act disinterested and disengaged (well, I won't be "acting" disinterested, at the least).

Interesting point about the lying - this HPD has occasionally accused me of lying, in a joking way. Now I'm beginning to suspect that she lies quite naturally, and her larger than life stories may be embellished with lies.

I think she now knows not to come to me with her drama. I will do my part by not engaging her drama any longer.

Thank you all!

Lying ----

makes me think. I lie daily about mundane things but only IF it will keep me from having to confront conflict or have negating feedback from someone. I will also lie about my feelings and thoughts if asked and my "real" thoughts are not what the person wants/needs to hear from me...but then those people will always complain that my actions do not back up my words - which of course is true...

I TYPICALLY do not make up big fictitious lies to my girlfriends...no need to do because to them, my life is already crazy enough - no need to dramatize with lies....HOWEVER, I recently have caught myself making up complete lies to a dude that I like (who ignores me). I have lied about being married, my racial ethnicity, my salary, where i have lived etc....NOW I have NEVER done this before - but I also have NEVER had anyone play me like this dude - so I guess I just keep making up stories hoping that one of them will turn-the-tables and he will like me.

Protease,

Theirs is excellent advice. I wish you lots of luck. I like the way you have listed everything. I'm curious if she has a lot of superficial friends?

The HPD I was involved with had friends I called "fans" because all they did was suck up to her day and night. She'd tell them how much they meant to her, they meant the world to her. I've always said the world will never be big enough for her, now she's telling them they're the universe to her. That won't be big enough either.

Anyguy,

We sound so much alike, I bet we'd never even get a chance to meet each other at a party.

In response to Kevin Pasternak's question, Alice has a lot of friends right now, but I get the sense she doesn't maintain long term friendships. Or the ones she does maintain are fairly superficial.

I've been amazed at how after only one conversation, I seem to know more about intricacies in an HPD's relationship than the HPD herself. All I do is listen and ask questions. Most HPDs who I've been around haven't been good at either, so maybe that's why.

Yeah, and as ANYGUY said above, that's probably what attracts HPD's or people with similar characteristics to you - you're quiet, so won't steal their spotlight, are thoughtful and a good listener, so give them personalized attention and feedback. These are all very good qualities but dangerous when you get entangled with a manipulative type.