Players Who Can Be Played?

The HPDs I've known have been excellent at playing games with people. Are they easily played by other players? For example, if an ASPD comes along and feeds them a load of manure, will an HPD prove gullible enough to fall for their deceptive charm?

When HPDs get played (generally speaking), is it because of gullibility or desire to be perceived as special or both? If an HPD is gullible, would he even be aware he's being played?

All cases are different. Most HPDs I've been around seem gullible when it comes to people who use flattery as a way to use them. They adore the attention so they don't look beyond the compliments to what is really going on. Most HPDs I know don't look beyond the exterior of others much, anyway (just the ones I know personally).

They also don't know enough about themselves to know they are playing games with people. They do it so naturally, they never consider another course of action. They focus on their role and only their role, not how their actions affect others. Never crosses their minds until it is brought to their attention, then they make an excuse for themselves.

Do you think what makes them good game players also makes them easier to be played by talented others?

"The HPDs I've known have been excellent at playing games with people. Are they easily played by other players? For example, if an ASPD comes along and feeds them a load of manure, will an HPD prove gullible enough to fall for their deceptive charm?"

Of course.

An ASPD will tell the HPD everything she wants to hear, back off when necessary and play the HPD game better than anyone and have his willing slave in her to use and destroy.

The HPD is so attracted to cold indifference that once the ASPD has played the false love attention game with her enough and pulled back from that making her want for more continuously that gradually she will come to think he is special and moreso than the other guys for not completely falling for her.

Then the ASPD can basically forget all the previous B.S and just be his cold indifferent self which will drive the HPD wild with lust/passion/false love for him as she continually tries to get him to give in and give her all the love she thinks she really wants that he is incapable of giving.

The HPD is basically put in the position she puts so many normal guys in with the ASPD.

She's in the position of trying to do anything to get the once very loving and fun and interested guy in her back but it'll never happen and she'll stay bound to him for as long as that particular ASPD wants which probably won't be too long if she continually begs him to show his love for her.

"When HPDs get played (generally speaking), is it because of gullibility or desire to be perceived as special or both? If an HPD is gullible, would he even be aware he's being played?"

Its gullibility and the person whose going after the HPD "knowing that HPD better than she knows herself".

Also the HPD sometimes is aware they are being used but they cannot break free because in their mind they have to be the one to conquer the person who is currently winning the game with them.

They will continue to turn up their HPD sexual side or whatever desired behaviour they think their target likes/loves and do this forever if necessary because they generally cannot give up with a guy that doesn't give into them.

"All cases are different. Most HPDs I've been around seem gullible when it comes to people who use flattery as a way to use them. They adore the attention so they don't look beyond the compliments to what is really going on. Most HPDs I know don't look beyond the exterior of others much, anyway (just the ones I know personally)."

Well to HPD's everyone else is a 2 dimensional cartoon character that to them is not a very complex person at all which is why they don't look deeper into people.

"They also don't know enough about themselves to know they are playing games with people. They do it so naturally, they never consider another course of action. They focus on their role and only their role, not how their actions affect others. Never crosses their minds until it is brought to their attention, then they make an excuse for themselves."

The lack of empathy and disordered thinking makes them believe that they are in the right most of the time and even when guilt creeps in they quickly try and find some distraction to push it aside so they can keep feeling good.

"Do you think what makes them good game players also makes them easier to be played by talented others?"

What makes them good at playing people is their HPD. Thats it. They have no special talent at manipulation other than their personality disorder.

It doesn't take an ASPD to manipulate an HPD into a forever love struck starry eyed fantasy girl.

Just someone that "knows them better than they know themselves" basically.

As Emotional Vampires says "HPD mechanics are simple".

If you know of the condition and how to treat an HPD you can have the one you want for the rest of your life provided you knew all of this information before meeting said HPD of course.

The only problem is the more severe ones will still cheat on you to ward off depression and anxiety as they need the excitement of new conquests to function.

I think KX as usual has some great comments....but I must add a couple. I have always considered myself a "playa" but have recently been played HARD by a NPD. I am not gullible, actually far from it, my DEFENSES are so high that I would not gullible feelings get the better of me...I am always a skeptic about people and I will never let anyone UNKNOWINGLY get the better of me. I am currently getting played by a NPD...and its the worst I have EVER been treated. I KNOW full and well that he is playing me - and actually I really hate him for it - BUT BUT BUT I have to WIN! I let him play me like a fiddle because I NEED his attention and affirmation even if it is just sexual. If he were into me, I would likely drop me like a hot potato...but since he is playing me so hard...I can hardly stand it!

And KX is right about him knowing more about me than I do of myself. He can SEE RIGHT THROUGH ME. I make up stupid lies that anyone else would believe, and simply says "stop lying". I cannot figure out HOW he has me so pegged...He doesnt really even KNOW me, yet seems to know that I am #######4 on every corner.

So can we get played??? Sure...But at least for ME, I know when I am getting played and am always a willing (although not happy) player in the game. At some point, when I cannot take the asshole NPD any longer, I will probably tell him that I actually cannot stand him and that he was only a conquest and nothing real to me...but i am not ready for that yet. AND HE ALREADY KNOWS THIS!!!! He can see right through me - I have truly meet my match with him!

mylife: How do you feel about this NPD guy. Do you idealize and devalue him based on if he is or isn't giving you attention and affirmation? Also what do you mean by WIN. Do you feel you've WON if he gives you the attention you crave? How does that work? Do you try to find out what he wants and then give it to him?

Jay -

I dont like the NPD guy....Well, actually I do! Well I dont know what I think. I can say that he drives me crazy - and i have NEVER NEVER NEVER done for anyone else what I have done for him...bought him things, gave him incredible sexual favors etc... I never idealize or devalue him.....he is what he is - and that doesnt change....I dont think he can save me nor do I think he is a total worthless $#%^. I just know that CHASING him and wanting to conquer him distracts me from my own unhappiness and boredom.

WIN=get him to want him all the time! Not just occasionally, but everyday - get him to lust for me, call me constantly, try to see me all the time. That....is a WIN. I feel semi-wins when I get his attention but it is too infrequent with him to ever feel a win. Because when I get a little semi-win then he ignores me for like three weeks....and I am back to feeling like I had no win at all.

I try to figure out what he needs - by watching him, paying attention to his interests, motivations etc.... I basically do WHATEVER he asks me too. It is SOOOO pathetic. And yes, I KNOW i am getting played...I am not naive or gullible. I KNOW EXACTLY what he and I are doing....it is NOTHING. I am NOTHING to him. Just some great oral sex and attention. I am his temporary narcissistic supply....he only calls me when i stop calling him....and when i am actually calling him...he doesn answer. So stupid...But I am learning his game. If I give him attention then he doesnt need me because he is already getting what he wants = attention. It doesn matter if it is good or bad, just so that he knows he is on the top of my mind. The minute he stops getting attention from me, good or bad, then he comes back and calls. He knows that it only takes one call from him and I will be all over him again with calls and texts...I am like a textbook and he can read me well. I am FINALLY reading him too. Yeah, I dont hate him. What for? I know what I am doing. I resent him though....and I do think he is an asshole, but it is hard for me to be angry at someone for treating me poorly - when that is usually what I do. I am a gamer, he knows it, and he treats me accordingly. If I was actually a nice, sweet and innocent girl I would never mess with him - and he KNOWS this.

mylife, in my opinion it is clear to me that you will win, with him, in the end. it is just a matter of time. if he really is a npd like you say and i believe from what you have written about him that he is...he is fragile to you. you're already seeing patterns and cracks in his fragile npd ego. when you stop worshipping him it will drive him crazy. i bet ten to one, in this race, you will win.

soulsearch wrote:mylife, in my opinion it is clear to me that you will win, with him, in the end. it is just a matter of time. if he really is a npd like you say and i believe from what you have written about him that he is...he is fragile to you. you're already seeing patterns and cracks in his fragile npd ego. when you stop worshipping him it will drive him crazy. i bet ten to one, in this race, you will win.

If he lost her, it would not be out of his empathetic range to rape. Be careful.

If he lost her, it would not be out of his empathetic range to rape. Be careful.

so true!!! or beat her up or worse!!! the master slave hpd/npd relationship that is morphing between you two is dangerous to you, not him. i'm glad kane brought this up. if you allow a 'normal non-pd' guy to control you and then eventually tire of him he will be very hurt, rant and rave a bit and then eventually move on, hurt but still move on.

but, to my estimates, a guy who has this man's type of npd and manages to get complete control of you is on a subconscious level (even though he doesn't acknowledge it) finally getting his npd fix like never before.

an npd in this situation that loses his control of the hpd will not be able to handle it. he could strike out...rape, beat you up, or worse. if you ever do decide to leave this guy and put him in his place be very careful. hpd's invade people's psyche on a deep level and you have become his perfect mirror.

Yes, leave him, mylife. This relation can't be good.

Yikes, I am shocked by peoples responses.

Yes, he is NPD, I think. And to all who have read about him, you would probably agree...

But honestly, I dont think he would ever physically hurt me. He seems to seriously care less if I am around or not, so it is very hard for me to see him hurting me (except emotionally).

I REALLY REALLY think that if I stopped messing with him, he would just move on to the next. I dont think he really cares about me that much at all. He uses me and I am just Narc. supply. He can do without me if I leave. We only see each other about once or twice a month anyway...and that is almost always at my initiation. He never calls or wants to see me.

BTW, he has a girlfriend, so he doesnt need me. I am not afraid of physical pain from him, but am worried about the emotional consequences of this relationship for me. But i do really like him and i just want him to like me too