Graphic Details About Sex Life

Something I noticed about her was how she came "alive" in front of a bunch of guys. If she was going to be the only girl somewhere, she'd jump at the chance to be there. She admitted it was a game, to compete against the other girls for all of the guys' attention.

if one takes the time to think about the previous comment, one is struck by the crazy irony of it! she wants attention from others more than those who are non-hpd. basically, we all like attention but hpd's live on and off of it. these moments of attention in front of groups of people are like pit stops where the hpd re-fuels.

so the ironic part about it is the sea of faces staring back at the hpd are actually faceless, because they do not matter on a personal level. they are momentarily filling a purpose...staring back at the hpd in awe, etc.

it is ironic, in that, the ones staring at the hpd in awe may believe she cares more about their responses more than, say, the girl who does not crave attention and does not seem to force her presence on others. but, in actuality it is the opposite.

beware, of the person who makes an INSTANT impression. yes, it does happen sometimes where sparks go off, but, really rarely! most hpd's, even the extreme, full blown, severe hpd's are not psychopaths (ok, i admit it) unless of course they crossover into two seperate pd's...hpds that are hpd and aspd.

but, i find (at least in my case) the experience i had followed very closely to the experiences r. hare describes in his book 'without conscience'...he talks a little bit about female psychopaths and their behaviours in relationships...sounds like the behaviour of the girl i stupidly trusted. the words of warning listed by r. hare in his book 'without conscience'...are apt.

within seconds of talking to my hpd i had a feeling of her purposefully trying to overwhelm me and transfix me. i could feel her inner being trying to over power my being. i have to admit it was a scary feeling but at the same time it was the best feeling i had have ever had. it creeps me out even thinking about it...that someone could have that much power. she had it over a lot of people, now looking back in hindsight, i can see that.

i think she was aware of her power, fine tuned it and used it as a weapon. i have never felt like this around anyone before. i always joked with a friend of mine that if she went a step further and wanted to start a cult and be a cult leader she would have no problems, at all!!!

1) the next time you find yourself dealing with an individual whose non verbal mannerisms or gimmicks (riveting eye contact) and so on tend to overwhelm you, close your eyes or look away and fully listen to what the person is saying...

2) beware of the predatory/transfixing gaze of the predator

3) don't be overwhelmed by flattery, feigned concern and kindness

4) know yourself...predators are skilled at detecting and exploiting your weak spots. basking in flattery can be pleasant at first but painful in the end

Thanks for the great insight. A lot of things mentioned I've never considered. Thanks for making me aware and helping me learn. Soulsearch, about the faceless audience and how they don't mean as much to an HPD as they do to someone less histrionic, wow! KontrollerX, you're amazing.

There was something I found "eerie" about my ex I haven't discussed with anyone until now. She had a "friend," a guy, who seemed like the quiet, thoughtful type. I didn't date my ex but for a few months. He was around the whole time.

She told me he was "her good friend" and how they became close studying together. She told me he wasn't her type and she tried to fix him up with dates when he got lonely or got enough money to take someone out. He talked openly about women he went out with.

From then on, she would talk about him and his latest love interests or what have you. Personal stuff, but nothing too personal. She flirted with him just as much as she did with all other guys.

After we broke up, I ran into one of her friends. Her friend, a female, was talking about a particular event. She mentioned my ex slept with her male friend that night. I was surprised, not really shocked. Then I felt foolish. She asked me if I knew my ex had a long-standing sexual relationship with her male friend. I told her no.

Later, I saw my ex and I mentioned it to her. I didn't mean she had an obligation to tell me who all her ex-lovers were. What I wondered was how they could so easily pass themselves off as platonic friends while they were secretly sexually involved.

She said they felt it was no one's business but theirs. I mentioned it was deceptive in nature, since they acted one way but were really another. I didn't expect her to confide in me as much as I would have expected her to confide in her close friends. The guy was close to all her girl friends. She told me we defined "close" in different ways. She said she had let one friend know, then told her to keep quiet.

It was like they were two sets of people: the platonic friends I was around and the on/off again lovers I didn't meet until later. I wasn't the only one. Another female friend commented my ex never let on she and her friend were secret lovers. It had been going on for 2 years.

She saw nothing wrong with how they acted. I told her they were being deceptive because there was no way anyone who didn't know their true past would have thought them more than just the buddies they said they were.

It was eerie because looking back, I realize they were both playing "roles." When I was around them, their roles were of platonic friends, nothing more. When I wasn't around, then the lovers appeared. Just two more roles they played.

Is this a common game playing technique, the way one role can directly contradict another but the HPD is as natural in one role as the other and sees no contradiction between them whatsoever? The "platonic friend" and "lover" roles are both genuine because in truth neither is genuine?

There was something I found "eerie" about my ex I haven't discussed with anyone until now. She had a "friend," a guy, who seemed like the quiet, thoughtful type. I didn't date my ex but for a few months. He was around the whole time.

She told me he was "her good friend" and how they became close studying together. She told me he wasn't her type and she tried to fix him up with dates when he got lonely or got enough money to take someone out. He talked openly about women he went out with.

i read your whole post and then went back and read this part and that's when it truly hit me how cruel, mean and deceptive hpd's caught up in the game can be and actually are. the guy obviously has no morals too. if they both could lie to you so easily and not just lie but juice the story up with the fake info about 'fixing' him up on dates and such. they disrespected you the whole time. but, not to take personally. they would of done the same thing to anyone.

hpd's are the best liars around. they lie to cover their tracks and they don't flinch. you are living proof of that. plus, do a google search on hpd and the word manipulation comes up in 95% of the links provided. manipulation=lies.

role playing is intrinsic behaviour associated with hpd. they don't have a real self so their lives become fake and they have to act to keep up the appearances...

i am sorry you had to go thru this...

Ahh my HPD...

Last summer my friend, HPD, and I went to the diner to get breakfast. She goes on and talks about giving her bf a blowjob very loudly. It was really embarrasing to have people looking at us in shock. On the table next to us, these old 4 huge bald men kept turning their head even after the "loud announcement". I was really scared.

I can tell you that my wife was never able describe anything in detail. She just didn't have the capacity to do so. She would try. When she would come home from a night out with the girls and not bother to look like she hadn't just climbed out of someones bed when she got home. She knew she needed a story but just couldn't tell one to save her life. A classic HPD, she was almost handicapped when it came to telling a story. Besides her thinking was so labile that her story would change in mid telling to get the response she was looking for.

But along the lines of many of the above posts...

Years ago when I realized she was incapable of fidelity. That sex and sex appeal was paramount to her sense of self. That she was reckless with sex almost like a child who's found her father's gun...

When getting her to seek professional help met with complete failure... I merely sought to minimize the risk and the damage.

I mentioned trying an "alternative lifestyle". Her first reaction was shock and dismay and revulsion and all of the responses that you hope your wife would react with. I was pleasantly surprised when she adamantly refused and for a moment I had hope.

However the more she thought about it the better the idea sounded to her. And long story short we became participants. Though she made it seem (at least in her own mind) that she was the reluctant participant. She was doing it for me.

It never ceased to amaze me that she would say she didn't want to go to a party but as the weekend approached she couldn't wait to get there. I always got a laugh when she would say how she wasn't going to do anything at the party.

Yet without fail she would be the life of the party. I watched in fascination when she would be the first person to take off her clothes and walk around. She would tell anyone that would listen about how shy she was...while sitting in their lap naked!

She thought nothing of getting up on the riser and doing pole dances completely naked!

As it was posted earlier...people just aren't real to her. She was in her own little world on that riser with all eyes on her. It must have felt to her like a dream come true. It certainly must have been a rush much like a drug. Or maybe she felt as if this is the way it should be/supposed to be...her at the center of attention!

Her complete lack of any boundries whatsoever was fascinating and at the same time a crushing heart breaker!

God deliver me from future "fascinating" relationships.

...and deliver you from such heart breakers.

I never would have believed how close to edge of insanity I could feel myself until an HPD relationship.

As Kevin (the original poster said), "I just wished she had shown a little consideration for my feelings..."

Alas, there are many things one could wish for in an HPD. But we only have control over *ourselves* -- and the ways we choose and learn to respond to "crushing heartbreakers" (once we discover their indellible natures).

Here's wishing healing for your heart
—from one who still protects his scar tissue
—LQ

I guess the "inappropriate sexually provocative behavior" happens when a person has no boundaries, craves attention, and considers themselves to be lusted after by everyone. When the atmosphere is sexually charged, they feel in control; they're the master of the situation; they're center stage. When people's thoughts are on other subjects, the HPD can't compete, and feels inadequate.

I remember once after my (male) HPD had been to the dentist, he was casually relating to me a conversation he had with the (female) dentist and probably the hygienist as well. He chatted with them about a story he had seen in the news somewhere (probably online) about a man who had 2 functioning penises. I remember thinking "Of course, I always talk about penises when I'm at the dentist too." Things like that were par for the course with him.

Anytime I said anything complimentary or cute about him sexually, his first comment would be that he couldn't wait to tell his friends. I would tell him not to, but he probably did anyway.

Mine once announced to everyone at the bar that "she would go to work naked if only it were legal." Because she is much more "comfortable" that way.

Mark, if only that claim could be put to the test, on a cold day when she would encounter nobody but women!