Graphic Details About Sex Life

My ex-girlfriend used to go into graphic detail about our sex life with her friends. Sometimes it was okay, if it was an intimate setting. Even if her friends got embarrassed, she'd divulge more.

I gossip with my friends. I admit it. I've never told my friends some of the things that she told her friends. What upset me was some of the people she told weren't that close to either of us.

Last night I saw her at a party. She went into graphic detail about how her new boyfriend is "the bomb in bed." It was typical of her, with me sitting there. He may well be, I'm not saying that isn't the case. I just wished she had shown a little consideration for my feelings since I was there.

Is this a part of HPD? I know when she used to talk about our sex life, she made it sound much more exciting and wild than it was. She couldn't wait to get on the phone with her friends afterward. I wondered if it made her friends feel put down. She made it sound like she had it all and I knew she didn't. She talked more about sex than we had it.

No, many girls do this, PD afflicted and not. It is quite normal. Further, it is obvious she is attempting to attack yourself esteem in bragging about her new bf's 'skills'. I would go so far as to say that had you had not been there, she wouldn't have mentioned it such.

Last night I saw her at a party. She went into graphic detail about how her new boyfriend is "the bomb in bed." It was typical of her, with me sitting there. He may well be, I'm not saying that isn't the case. I just wished she had shown a little consideration for my feelings since I was there.

she is hpd. so, on to the next one and the next one and so on and so on and so on...forever until the end of time. no worries kevin!!! he is no better than you, maybe not as good. she'll be saying the same thing about every man that stumbles into her bed for the rest of her life. she draws attention to herself when she goes off at the mouth like this. full blown female hpd's truly are the most self centered heartless people on the planet. name a type of person that is more so??? there are none. even npd's and aspd's are less self centered. hpd's want to pull everyone into their drama. you can't lose sight of that, ever! like digital said, if you weren't there she probably wouldn't have done it. hpd's love, love, love making past/present and future lovers and admirers jealous!

Thank you both for the replies. I've wondered before if it mattered if I was there or not. You know, if it was even about me, just more about her wanting to draw attention to herself.

I guess what I've wanted to understand is if she's even aware she's doing it. Like, there's a strategy or a "method to her madness" or if it is her just being herself.

When she did this, I pointed out it hurt me because everyone knew we'd dated. It made me look and feel like a loser. Her doing that made me look at myself as the one who was defective somehow.

I also pointed out one of her friends, Sarah, has not dated a whole lot this past year. Her boyfriend was killed and she's been depressed. I asked my ex if she'd ever stopped to think about Sarah when my ex talked about her hot sex life.

She looked at me and said what the hell did her sex life have to do with Sarah losing her boyfriend? I took that as a good example of her lack of empathy.

Sarah has gotten up to go cry before when my ex was on a roll. I felt bad the time someone told off Sarah, saying she shouldn't hang out with my ex and subject herself to it.

She's shy and has close friends who prefer to hang out with my ex. Sarah's tried to make new friends, but her closest friends still include my ex at their social gatherings.

When I point out these things to my ex, she gives me the blankest look, like I'm speaking in a foreign language. Once she said she'd "never thought about it that way." It had never occurred to her what she was doing to others.

What amazed me was when I talked to some of their other friends about it, they couldn't see my ex's behavior as being inappropriate or unfeeling. They said she would never hurt anyone intentionally, that's not who she is, she has the kindest heart of any of them.

If she's HPD (which she has been diagnosed as having more than two years ago), I believe these are some of her manipulative games and they are intentional. She's not as blank as she can look.

What amazed me was when I talked to some of their other friends about it, they couldn't see my ex's behavior as being inappropriate or unfeeling. They said she would never hurt anyone intentionally, that's not who she is, she has the kindest heart of any of them.

If she's HPD (which she has been diagnosed as having more than two years ago), I believe these are some of her manipulative games and they are intentional. She's not as blank as she can look.



yes, the angel, the nicest and kindest person in the world. this is part of the victim/princess manipulation and they are masters at it, intentional or not. just like a pro magician is a master at slight of hand. they hurt so many. but, it never looks that way because of the harmless exterior they display with such conviction.

the blank look...exactly. that is what it is. just blank...

Yep, agreed soul, manipulation. Kevin, I hate to say it but her and all her friends (except Sarah) sound like a bunch of raving a-holes. Shallow and stupid, and likely never to change. On the outside -this is the TV personality that is encouraged in 'pop culture' ..discussing personal and what should be intimate/special things (sex) but treating it all and others feelings as a game to be played out as if the camera was rolling.
I'd look within myself and try and find an entirely new circle of friends, or just take Sarah by herself and hang out. All those people sound toxic, and hanging around exes is bound to be a disaster in my opinion. It all sounds very Toxic. We'll be your pals here Kevin -!

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"Is this a part of HPD?"

It can be.

Its a good attention ploy because to talk about it blatantly shocks people and turns plenty of guys on she may be trying to line up to later take the current guys place.

Being overly sexual like this is definitely an HPD thing but it doesn't necessarily manifest itself in all HPD's in the same way but most of the severe ones it does.

A close female friend once told me that I need to be aware that my girlfriend's friends would know EVERYTHING about our sex life. She then went into detail about some of the things she has shared with her own friends. Size, shape, ability... or the lacks thereof, are only part of it. It's not something I understand, but it's something I accept because I have no real choice.

Odds are that her friends are going to stop her if it gets uncomfortable for them, but not because it is uncomfortable for you.

Thanks. I appreciate the support here.

Something I noticed about her was how she came "alive" in front of a bunch of guys. If she was going to be the only girl somewhere, she'd jump at the chance to be there. She admitted it was a game, to compete against the other girls for all of the guys' attention.

That made me very interested in the females who consider themselves her friends. If my ex is only in the female friendship game to compete for male attention, what do the other females get out of it? A sense of being put down? A chance to be outshone even when they weren't in it to compete?

The only ones she seemed close to told her how great she was. They made excuses for and sucked up to her. They didn't seem like doormats or like they had low self esteem.

Later one told me she disliked my ex and tried to undermine her. I thought that was low although like can attract like. Some would say my ex was getting the friend she deserved.

"what do the other females get out of it? A sense of being put down? A chance to be outshone even when they weren't in it to compete?"

A chance to hang out with the funny, sexy, cool totally outgoing extrovert that they wish they could be like (only the good qualities they know about) but don't have the courage to be for themselves (its not courage its HPD automatic pilot behaviour).

"The only ones she seemed close to told her how great she was. They made excuses for and sucked up to her. They didn't seem like doormats or like they had low self esteem."

Appearances can be deceiving as we on the HPD board know all too well.

Of course not all HPD friends have low self esteem but the ones that make excuses and suck up are the type that do. They need this HPD in their life to bring it a sense of excitement and they love when the HPD is happy with them because then the HPD makes them feel really good through praise.

They are chasing the good moments like the HPD's lovers basically and will do anything to try and keep the good moments alive and that includes overlooking any slights she may do them or any bad behaviour she does to others or even embarassing them at a bad time with some very inappropriate comments or whatever.

They are so happy with the good moments they totally overlook or don't even notice that she is using them.

She praises them not because she loves these friends but because she is storing up credit with them so that they can pay that credit ie praise back to her later. Make them feel good now and they'll make her feel good later basically.

The good friends that an HPD has are seperated from these sycophantic yes men/women by truly looking out for the HPD and not approving all of her behaviour. The best friends an HPD tends to make like this have Avoidant Personality Disorder but there are normal people too like this who shake their head at their HPD friend's behaviour but stand by the HPD because they realize the HPD doesn't know any better and seems to them like a worthwhile friend to have because the normal friend keeps thinking if only this HPD would think things through he or she could really go places ie do something great with their life.

This thought is true and a great vote of confidence from such a friend but not as easy as the friend thinks.

They may know something is wrong but likely not to such an extent something is wrong ie a personality disorder that needs professional treatment to fight and even then it might not be able to be cured.