Fake Empathy and Like Minded Friends?

Basically they overblow the internal aspects of their true self for public consumption and dramatic effect ie if they are a man's man chest thumping type they will brag profusely about their accomplishments but do so in a non threatening comedic manner.

Subjective. And if they do. their not disabled by it. on the other hand others are. help me im still lost

KontrollerX wrote:"Females seem to be the overpowering commonality for HPD much like Sociopathics the men outnumber the women by a huge margine and even in behaviors. Would the male HPD differ from the female?. If so in what distinct way."

A lot of the time the males seem to be the exact same way.

They can be mistaken for stylish gay males lol but they are not and tend to be the guy that every other guy sees as being really weak but can't figure out why he's got so many women around him at all times.

The HPD males that differ from the general female pattern though express their HPD like how a professional wrestler expresses their wrestling character.

Basically they overblow the internal aspects of their true self for public consumption and dramatic effect ie if they are a man's man chest thumping type they will brag profusely about their accomplishments but do so in a non threatening comedic manner.

A loveable lug as it were if you get my meaning.

Ah, thank you for that, twas very informative.


These are disorders for victims. not for the individual with the personallity traits.

Certain types of people seek these people out. because they like the drama. there disorderd. I dont entertain these people.

I fully agree.

But what if i for example was a victim. Yet have victimized others myself? both caused by the same "disorder". I then would be able to offer two perspectives. Thought process of the victimizer which could be insightful and benificial for a victim.

I thought from the start giving sociopaths a stage to communicate with one another and "victims" in this spicific setting was a bad, bad idea. Yet there is no perfecting for them ther also isnt any sharing of insight, knowone who's in a position to has or would which leads to others and supposed victims speculation which dosent help a "victim". But here for example i could see that (the helping i mean).

Take the good with the bad.

"Subjective. And if they do. their not disabled by it. on the other hand others are. help me im still lost"

Well there I was just giving Jamie a general example of what you could and would sometimes find in a male HPD that differs from the female pattern.

In no way was I saying this is the absolute only pattern for HPD's that differ from the norm.

As for being disabled prot think of it like this...

The HPD needs to do this behaviour because it gets attention.

Every HPD I've talked to has told me they need massive amounts of attention to function and one of them has told me that they are like a child and need little rewards from their lovers too in order to make it through the day without being gripped by depression, anxiety and uncertainty of being worth something.

Rewards like a child needs from mommy and daddy to feel good.

Even saying such things as "good job" to an HPD that is in love with you can help them survive and get through the day.

Al Bernstein in Emotional Vampires says they are prisoners of their disorder in that they depend fully on what others think of them to get their sense of self worth.

Its either impossible or very difficult for them to feel good about themselves by simply telling themselves that they are a good person and have accomplished a lot. They need other people to do this or it usually won't work.

These are disorders for victims. not for the individual with the personallity traits...i assume you man disorders not traits here?

yes, in a way i believe that is true. but, in a way it's not true. although for hpd's..."indications of internal distress, weakness, depression, or hostility are denied or suppressed and are not included in their sense of themselves." (Millon & Davis) they are suffering albiet thru an extreme form of repression that has been developing in most hpd's since infancy.

repression is their sole or main form of self-protection. however, this repression (unless the hpd has a malignant form of hpd - the most severe and extremely rare form of hpd) usually starts to disintegrate as a useful form of self-protection as an hpd gets older...example: in an hpd's 30's, 40's, 50's or 60's. this is the time when their behaviour no longer seems to be accepted by their more 'mature' peers and the hpd who once seemed to be the 'life of the party' and a bit lovingly eccentric is now viewed as truly odd and/or self-destructive. in later years many hpd's decompensate (fall apart emotionally) or replace their chronic attention seeking behaviour towards other attention seeking devices such as pretending to be sick.

although hpds appear to have no problems with themselves this is just their expert repression in overdrive. hpd's are not happy. that is the sad part. it's just that they are so afraid of admitting their fears that they live their lives in a constant state of repression refusing to admit that they may have a problem.

for ex: the two hpd platonic friends i had both lost their children. well, not legally, they still have visitations but the children live with their fathers. i am sure they both mourn the loss of their abilities to be good parents. and also, one of them has become addicted to a heavy drug and still has an on again off again relationship with her abusive ideal. her life is not to be envied.

so, what i am trying to say is...it is very hard to love an hpd and leave unscathed emotionally. they are very easy to love but it is very hard to keep loving them without becoming emotionally damaged. just like a happy drunk is easy to love. but, in a close relationship it is turbulent. it is hard to love a happy drunk without being hurt because we all know there is no real such thing as a happy drunk. he/she is happy in the bar but at home the true colors arise and this is when they hurt those they love the most. so, at least in that aspect it is similiar.

hpd's are in constant pain but unlike us they have no way of registering this information in order to help themselves grow and learn. we are adept at processing our pain but they are not. this alone makes it painful for them, even if they don't realize it because of their repression. freud says they are stuck in a permanent infantile stage...this occurs up and on into their old age.

hpd's are aware, possibly, of some of their pain but i believe it comes out only a subconscious level...in the book by bollas he says, "very often the hpd breaks down in tears when touched, grieving the many losses of physical love." he goes on and on in his book about the losses they suffer. without a real way to connect it is hard to feel life at all.

But what if i for example was a victim. Yet have victimized others myself? both caused by the same "disorder". I then would be able to offer two perspectives. Thought process of the victimizer which could be insightful and benificial for a victim.

interesting thought. do you mean two hpd's hurting eachother or just one hpd who views themselves as a victim but also victimizes those closest to them?

interesting thought. do you mean two hpd's hurting eachother or just one hpd who views themselves as a victim but also victimizes those closest to them?

I was talking about PD's in general.

Hypotheticly let's say your mother is a narcissist and so are you. Then you can speak from the point of view as one who was possibly/probably victimized as a child. Yet you as an adult possibly/probably victimize others. I'm sure different combinations can be made.

Some people can speak from one side of the fence, some from the other side. Some people read about the fence and speak based on that and others have not only read but been on both sides so they have a greater understanding. About whatever.

BPD are pretty easy to spot it your exposed to them alot. The lashing out and clingyness and childlike behavior the big contradiction of personality. IE: I hate you dont leave me.

<3

Someone mentioned a comment about HPD's crying when touched....this happens to me...especially when I am with someone who really loves me....after sex and orgasm I will frequently just start crying...real tears of pain...tears of loss and struggle.

Being HPD sucks really. Knowing that I may never have a "real" relationship with anyone is so saddening. I cannot tell anyone the "truth" and most people know only parts of my whole. Actually my friends know me all the way through, but my parents and men just get glimpses of what I want them to see.

If I were to be "real" and "normal" I would be depressed and bored. Having to live in a constant state of attention seeking drama is difficult. I have had "good" men but I dont want them....no conquest there. I want the NPD because he is emotionless, cold, detached and uncaring....this allows me to survive in the relationship as I am always working so hard to change him and get his attention. Oh this is depressing me as I write it because I am in this kind of relationship now.

@OP

Yes I like HPD woman, I understand how they tick and innately when I see those individuals not only do I emphasize their HPD traits I try to help them develop them and see them theirselves. I think it helps them develop a sense of who they are and just come to terms with it... I'm not sure they usually recognize this, also, I love giving people attention and to have someone do it in return is flat epic fun and especially awesome because those girls are usually very cute and make good long term friends for me and are usually of above average intelligence (from what I've noticed at least). I know how they tick and I know what to and what to not say to avoid ticking them off.

As far as the deep relationship stuff goes, honestly I don't really care anymore since I screw up "real" relationships so much and so often that people wont work with me long enough to develop them. So I take what I can get.

Also, something I've noticed is people expect you be deeply emotionally willing to "labor" for them up front in a relationship. Which is reverse of how I work at least. just something I've noticed... people say we are the ones with the empathy deficit - something I've noticed is it is non-hpd's who have this deep expectation of stuff from us upfront... and I'm like I don't really know you that well to "work" for you. just sayin'

@KontrollerX

Yeah, that's a pretty good description of me actually. Luvable lug. or a bi-polar Lost Puppy/Loan Wolf. Been told that by both woman and men. A little bit weak but why the heck do I have so many woman around me. (I just like talking to woman generally, it's fun and they are nice)

@KontrollerX regarding Pott's comment of "you all have issues sitting around talking about these people like they ruined your whole world."

KontrollerX the best way to acknowledge Pott is to stop being defensive and tell him the truth - "they did." that was the "appropriate" response. direct and straitforward, it may sound a bit harsh or a bit drama starting to you but if it is big enough to talk about for advice then it is big enough to emotionally defend your position/actions. (at least in the world of my little HPD mind). it works best if you emotionally reframe the statement.