through the eyes of an hpd and those that admire them...

No i'm not suggesting there the same or that your suggesting that.

I'm actully inquiring out of curiosity.

I cant say i've ever met a HPD or seen some look from there eyes. but by description those self involved types always got on my nerves. So i probably have met some but became indifferent to there presence.

Would the BPD's clinginess not repel the HPD.

Would the BPD's clinginess not repel the HPD.

that i am not sure of...i don't think a bpd and hpd would necessarily get along in a relationship. but, who knows? masterson suggested in his book 'search for the real self' that sometimes bpd's attract other bpd's and there are numerous bpd wives with npd husbands...where the npd controls his wife into subservience.

as for hpd's and what they want...free of all jargon, i believe it is a very complex but simple thing. they kind of just know off hand if the person is their 'ideal' upon first meeting ... like a subconscious relay of information - and it really is a fantasy. the hpd platonic friend of mine who met her ideal, unfortunately met him thru me. the guy just happenend to be visiting another city with me and i ran in somewhere to talk to my hpd friend for literally 5 minutes and he came in with me for no other reason than he probably didn't want to wait in the car. he has never visited this city before and was only there because of me.

but, after he and my hpd friend got together she would always say with this mystical tone of voice..."we were meant to be together. if i hadn't of met (him) that day we still would have found each other." to which i would say..."uh, no you wouldn't have. how would you have?"...i used to think (not knowing about hpd back then) how ludicrous her beliefs were...yes, anything is possible but what were the chances? a million to one? probably!

hpd's like someone with a kind of expression-less face who rarely smiles, who controls them in every aspect except seems to not care when they cheat or if they do just with-holds physical contact as a form of punishment, someone who plays the snoop dog type pimp game 'you don't love me, you just like my doggy-style', pile on the praise and the compliments in the beginning and then take it away, seems (even if it's just an illusion) powerful, has other women wanting him all the time, cold, unfeeling, etc. and they love when you treat them with sarcasm. the more sarcastic the better.

i remember once seeing the hpd i liked talking to a guy and her eyes were becoming all crazy looking and big and turned on and after i talked to the guy i figured out why...he was really biting, sarcastic. wow, thinking back on all these moments noticing her behaviour it really makes me turned off of her. she could have almost 'any' guy she wants but she probably wants a guy like that. hpd's have awful taste in their 'ideal'.

I know about NPD as my mother is one (diagnosed) and i've read the books and seen it first hand. My father without a doubt would be a sociopath.

i am sorry to hear that your parents were npd's and possible aspd...that would be awful. do you mind me asking if you have a pd? or are you just sort of like a pd? or free of all diagnosis?

Sorry confused my B's with my N's. She is BPD.

Dont be sorry it wasnt horrible.

I'm still being figured out.

I was Initially diagnosed (4years ago by my current guy) As sociopathic, then it changed to dissociative personality disorder, a psychotic personality disorder with homicidal/suicidal tendencies, PTSD, anxiety.

Then i was told (about 2 months ago) a mixed personality disorder MPD (NOS). Having a combination of spicific things from different PD's without having a strong enough connection to be diagnosed that spicific PD.

Example.

"So, you may be experiencing the paranoia associated with Paranoid Personality Disorder, but not the delusions and morbid distrust, along with the impulsive emotionality of a Histrionic Personality Disorder and the object rage of the Borderline Personality or the reactive rage of Complex Post Traumatic Stress...but you don't meet enough of the other criteria for any of these to be a complete diagnosis."

I dont know if i agree with any of it. The thing that led me in my adult life to a psychiatrist and what eventually put me on disbility was at my last job, i was crain opperator. Over time i became incredibly paranoid and at times psychotic. After one such episode where i was in a garage getting a couple can's of oil for the crain a truck driver co-worker ###$ was walking infront of me zipping back and forth lazily getting in my way. About 10 minutes later in my crain as he was walking back out into the yard a dropped a pickup truck from about 50-feet 4 feet away from him. I admit he was the target but it worked well as a warning. A warning against something he wasnt even aware he did. He $#%^ his pants and i blamed it on a defunct grapple. (the claw on the end of the boom).

I have many example i could use that would point to different things. Instead i'll let the doctors do there work and i wont label myself.

I have many example i could use that would point to different things. Instead i'll let the doctors do there work and i wont label myself.

yes, a good doctor is a truly great thing. but, a bad doctor can do more harm than good and if the patient is vulnerable and suggestible and the doctor is bad then that can be a harmful combination. sometimes a person who is experiencing a temporary state of emotional upheaval can recieve a diagnosis that is only reflective of that person's temporary state of being. example: a lot of teenagers are mistakingly diagnosed with bpd. but, a lot of teenagers exhibit these symptoms but it doesn't mean they are full blown bpd's. but, then the person believes that they are bpd and it becomes like a placebo effect. they believe it so they become it. also, many people go thru temporary states of exhibiting all the symptoms of a pd but it is just temporary it is not who they really are.

I dont know if i agree with any of it.

it is good you are so aware of different pd's because then you can, thru your education on the subject, decide whether all of your diagnosis are really true or not.

soulsearch wrote:I have many example i could use that would point to different things. Instead i'll let the doctors do there work and i wont label myself.

yes, a good doctor is a truly great thing. but, a bad doctor can do more harm than good and if the patient is vulnerable and suggestible and the doctor is bad then that can be a harmful combination. sometimes a person who is experiencing a temporary state of emotional upheaval can recieve a diagnosis that is only reflective of that person's temporary state of being. example: a lot of teenagers are mistakingly diagnosed with bpd. but, a lot of teenagers exhibit these symptoms but it doesn't mean they are full blown bpd's. but, then the person believes that they are bpd and it becomes like a placebo effect. they believe it so they become it. also, many people go thru temporary states of exhibiting all the symptoms of a pd but it is just temporary it is not who they really are.

I dont know if i agree with any of it.

it is good you are so aware of different pd's because then you can, thru your education on the subject, decide whether all of your diagnosis are really true or not.

Well i'm iffy about my doctor he's "known and accomplished" head of psychiatry for a vast reagion and a speaker at international confrences dealing with PD's so i think he may be considered "good". Yet i do scratch my head at his methods. I wouldnt feel he's doing any harm or good. Nor am i suggestable or vaulnerable he's i think been attemting to make me the latter. Chip at a crust to access the soft fleshy goodness.

Anyways. I agree with you on a general sense. For myself whether he's been right or wrong he's had 4 years of psychotherapy to reach his conclusions. And i havent felt much of a difference.

Chip at a crust to access the soft fleshy goodness.


that's funny.

I am HPD and I am usually only attracted to NPD and ASPD men. I also think that I am high in NPD and ASPD traits however....but I am diagnosed HPD and clearly fit the bill.

NPD men dont give us what we need...that is why we like them. If i a man gives us what we need, then we are done....there is no challenge left. However for me I will hang on to the man who mostly meets my needs but have affairs with NPD men to continue the challenge.

I have been messing with a NPD for about a year now. He is the most difficult person I have ever dealt with....he ALSO is the only person that i have felt OBSESSED with in my life. I CANNOT let him go because he does not "want" me. On a cognitive level, i know that I do not want him, but there is a part of me that believes if I can get him to love/want/need me that I will be happy....which in reality I know that if he did, I would most likely be done with him.

I think it stems from not feeling loved my father....always felt like I had to be something else to get the love I wanted...I learned early that men disappoint and I made it a mission to never let a man disappoint me....I would be the one doing the disappointing...but this prophecy has left me empty and lonely, yet I feel stuck and unchangeable. Changing would mean depression and boredom and anxiety.

thanks for that note mylife. I feel for you. I am feeling so sad today, figuring what a long effing road to meet another person who I'm interested in and is interested back. It also hurts my heart so badly that I think my ex hpd probably is not missing me at all, and that hurts. I think in the end I pushed her away because I wanted to establish my rules of 'friendship' and wanted to hear her tell me more about herself, her feelings. I guess that is how to chase an HPD off for good- demand they level with you emotionally. It's so frustrating to see someone like her who apparently'd rather keep the shallow patterns up than really go in for what she said she wanted at the start (true love/commitment/long term relationship/devotion/loyalty).
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I was almost thinking like prot was the other day..totally contrary to everything and saying well - maybe the HPDs and NPDs have it the right way since I've been reading up on Buddism and trying to gain peace of mind via that...frustratingly..those PDs out there HAVE peace of mind in their minds...so who's the idiot? I feel I am. I feel it isn't worth being nice sometimes since all it gets you is a nice chat with a grandma and a pat on the back...and 'you have so much going for you..you'll find love' ..is Love really even out there? Maybe the PDs found a way to shortcut it...since they aren't the ones here crying about how their hearts hurt..they've detached and renounced attachment, they have no expectations...isn't that Buddhist?
-- needed to vent-- thanks all ...

Rum -

I am sorry that you are hurting...truly. But I think you are over stereotyping in the assumption that HPD's dont care or have hurt hearts....We do. It is not always enjoyable having to protect our vulnerabilities...that is all that it is about. Protecting oneself...it ALSO means that we will NEVER have true love or feelings for another - and that is depressing. By not allowing ourselves to be "real" we will never have a "real" relationship. But I do hear what you are saying. The persona of a HPD has been created to carefully protect oneself against pain. It works...but it is shallow and it can crack. We hurt too. We feel empty and hollow most of the time. What you have are emotions which are a NORMAL and HEALTHY part of life....repressing them is not. Sometimes I wonder if I am even alive. I mean I know that I am, but I am not living an honest and respectable life. I play people to get what I want.... i do care about others, but my ultimate protection is for myself. Its funny, my therapist told me that I have no sense of physical safety - meaning that I get in abusive relationships with men would/could kill me and I feel no fear....Yet, I will do anything to keep myself EMOTIONALLY safe....If I die, then I die....No more need to protect myself from emotions...but if I have a crushed heart and I survive??? Well that is like death itself, but worse.

"I am sorry that you are hurting...truly. But I think you are over stereotyping in the assumption that HPD's dont care or have hurt hearts....We do. It is not always enjoyable having to protect our vulnerabilities...that is all that it is about. Protecting oneself...it ALSO means that we will NEVER have true love or feelings for another - and that is depressing."

This is one of the greatest reasons your input is so valuable mylife.

As an HPDer you can provide the other side of the story and show that an HPD isn't simply a cold unfeeling robot and that this illusion of coldness and indifference to recently thrown away lovers is just a survival mechanism of HPD to not let themselves be hurt emotionally.

The repression and denial of HPD help with that but as you said these things do break down in an HPD from time to time via certain scenarios allowing the HPD to feel genuine emotions.

Pain and regret foremost among them most likely.

So though we nons at first come to the logical conclusion an HPD is heartless once we do more research we find out that in reality you are prisoners of your disorder and just as much a victim as we are except in a different way and that you all do have a heart its just unfortunately extremely hard to get to if a person is trying in a relationship with the HPD.

Friends who've earned trust over a long period of time can see glimmers of the true self and emotions of the HPD though.