by None2Narc » Fri Dec 01, 2006 6:50 pm
"She should be mature and have some depth esp since she's been single and not 'controlled' all her life by a 'man' like some women are. So you'd think she'd have her own mind, her own opinions etc. But it seemed that she just liked to keep in this safe zone of ?"
Sounds a lot like my mom. She’s the expert about everything, and I admit I enable that since she does have info that is needed about medical stuff and what not. But you can't get her to talk about anything she can't deal with, like abuse she allowed while we were kids or anything; she will shame me into shutting up by implying that I exaggerate. Or she goes into denial mode and tells me I’m being abusive by TELLING her what she allowed by her absentee parenting and bad choices of father figures. She just wants me to get over it and drop it for good; she’s really put out by having to “deal” with the mess she created. She is the queen of projection! She often complains about flaws in other that are stronger flaws in her! Did that make sense?
She’ll have these brief insights, (like a fat person making a fat crack about themselves but then getting offended if it’s confirmed), she can’t be told anything by anyone else, it all has to come from her and from her perspective. I almost ended up like that, but staying in therapy no matter how scary it is at times has made me face the things I’ve done that have “ruined” parts of my life in the past. See she thinks she’s just as smart as the therapists so she just “self helps” but I know she could never really face the harsh reality of a therapist. She goes on and on about “how could that person NOT be in therapy!” The person of course is anyone that sees *her* as flawed! LOL! One day I will ask her “I’ve wondered for years why you’ve never been in therapy for all of the pain (insults to her pride and ego) that you’ve experienced in your lifetime?” I’m sure I’ll get a kick out of the answer! I can only imagine how much better my life would have been as a child if she had some kind of guide for her crazy behavior. But then I wonder, since she was so selfish when I was a child, would knowing what it was causing have kept her from doing it? I have serious doubts. Some of the things she was capable of were so monstrous, yet she can whisk them away with blame or my favorite “I did the best I could”. Her situations were very trying, but she was also monstrously abusive to my two older siblings and just likes to think that we don’t remember it all. For years I’ve been trying to pry details out of her, but I think if she were to tell the truth she would just run off and live somewhere where she knew no one just so she would never have to look any of us in the face again and know that we do indeed KNOW, you know LOL!
(see white oleander if you haven't or better yet read the book)
These PD are from flawed parenting, past down, down, down. My gm is HPD or NPD or BPD or something! And all of my sisters have pretty serious signs of PD including myself. I am the only one in therapy for it that I know of. And this is why I don’t visit much! LOL! Just kidding. Part of my disorder is to expect too much from other people and not deliver the same! So who am I to judge! Seriously though, it is what ills society today. Bad and just selfish actions on the part of parents are turning out bumper crop after bumper crop, each one getting more and more pathological. The only hope is in the parents of the children. They are the only ones that can give the love and morals to these kids, and most of the people I meet treat their kids like a side-effect to sex. Why do they even want kids?