Insecurity or Arrogance?

My ex-girlfriend is likely HPD, although never diagnosed. We were together for 2 years. During that time, I started picking up on things about her. She was always considered "special" by people who were around her, like they made her out to be better than other people. Everything she did she stood out or apart. Her friends, the people that clung to her, were sycophants.

Is this a typical HPD trait, the need to feel "set apart"? Maybe not to be better than others, but not only to be unique, but to be considered unique by others? I know how PDs tend to go together. Is this more a Narcissistic feature than HPD?

With HPDs, are they insecure and don't believe flattery? Or do they have enough ego to believe it and only "act" humble about it?

The set apart feature is indeed more NPD territory but eh it goes with the more severe HPD's very well too.

The ones that need a lot of attention to function well do not tolerate competition that being just another one of the girls would invite.

As for flattery they'll accept it from anyone they deem as new and cool as the attention they need but it only really means something to them if its from a guy that they are targeting as in at that point that guy that they've decided on is the only one that flattery will make them go wild for.

All the other guys are wasting their time unless this HPD's friends and plenty of other people build some other guy up as really awesome, a person that all the girls want.

So any insecurity you see on the outside from an HPD is usually fake as that is one of their many lures and draws men in via their natural protect and provider instinct. It may be well true that the HPD actually feels insecure in some way but that will revolve more around her looks since HPD's are obsessed with their looks even if gorgeous and the insecurity will not involve being genuinely shy around guys if that is how they are acting.

Well for the disingenuous anti social HPD's this is true.

The passive aggressive HPD's are the safer and less deceptive of the HPD's to deal with and are often genuinely shy around guys but just like their counterparts they may overdo their shyness to get to a guy.

Girls Girls Girls. HPD HPD -yep Kev, be glad you're outta there. There are nice women out there that are nice, compassionate, loving, attractive but not absorbed in their looks, have a sense of humor.


That may be one across the board thing that HPDs lack- a Sense Of Humor ? Or is it that maybe ANYTHING that isn't about them--is disineresting?

Question-

What would y'all say is the likely HPD response *verbal or physical or emotional* to repeated inquirys asking them to: open up, or discuss their feelings about themselves , please take 50/50 approach to a friendship/relationship. How do they respond to requests for nurturing in a relationship, or requests that indicate the other's need to feel 'special' to them..etc.?

Any comments from anyone onboard?
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What would y'all say is the likely HPD response *verbal or physical or emotional* to repeated inquirys asking them to: open up, or discuss their feelings about themselves , please take 50/50 approach to a friendship/relationship. How do they respond to requests for nurturing in a relationship, or requests that indicate the other's need to feel 'special' to them..etc.?

i believe that the more you ask the less likely they are going to want to talk about it. i noticed they cannot stand talking about anything serious in a relationship or life in general, for that matter. i don't know if it is because they are not interested or if it is because they just don't have the inner depth and understanding of their own emotions to provide an answer. either way it is a waste of time.

the only thing that will provoke a reaction out of them (at least on a superficial serious note) is to withhold your affections and pretend you may have someone else. with an hpd you have to keep them on their toes and make them think you are a highly sought after person. like KX said if a potential partner has power and strength that is the biggest attraction for them. even if it is just in their own perception. that's all that matters. for them perception is everything. they run their life on hunches not facts.

KontrollerX,
that post...it's like you know me...you don't know that you already know me, but you do!!!
...everybody else in my life is just confused (and probly mad and sad...as i have read)

"i believe that the more you ask the less likely they are going to want to talk about it. i noticed they cannot stand talking about anything serious in a relationship or life in general, for that matter. i don't know if it is because they are not interested or if it is because they just don't have the inner depth and understanding of their own emotions to provide an answer. either way it is a waste of time."

How old are these women you are refering to? When I was 21-27 I was like that then all at once I opened up and starting feeling and now I love to talk about deep things/concepts. (I'm 31) But I did HATE that "stuff" before. Years of therapy broke the damn I guess?

Hello None2narc, Just read your other long post under topic? -very interesting. Well I was writing about a girl who's 42. She should be mature and have some depth esp since she's been single and not 'controlled' all her life by a 'man' like some women are. So you'd think she'd have her own mind, her own opinions etc. But it seemed that she just liked to keep in this safe zone of ? I don't even know- I am confused about what she was about at all now. I see nothing. I don't even know what she likes to do in her spare time other than watch TV and go to dinner. She never would do much else with me. Talks that got deeper-the topic would change or she'd battle me into the ground , not discuss but kinda refute my stand or view and feel she had to disprove me or show me how I was wrong or that I was closed minded.
I now see that her friends appear lower mental capacity, kinda dulled out affects, and thus she can 'tell them how it REALLY is' since she's superior to them.
-- ugh. I recall seeing a 'friend' valentine card from this guy she knows and I read it- it said- 'thanks for making me think and being a friend..bla bla bla..' RIGHT ...! Sure you're sooooooo smart!
I was thinking...yep ..she's ######6 him too! ..ho ho ho.
---- what a bitch-- I am just pissed I never called her on her stuff....!UGH!

"She should be mature and have some depth esp since she's been single and not 'controlled' all her life by a 'man' like some women are. So you'd think she'd have her own mind, her own opinions etc. But it seemed that she just liked to keep in this safe zone of ?"

Sounds a lot like my mom. She’s the expert about everything, and I admit I enable that since she does have info that is needed about medical stuff and what not. But you can't get her to talk about anything she can't deal with, like abuse she allowed while we were kids or anything; she will shame me into shutting up by implying that I exaggerate. Or she goes into denial mode and tells me I’m being abusive by TELLING her what she allowed by her absentee parenting and bad choices of father figures. She just wants me to get over it and drop it for good; she’s really put out by having to “deal” with the mess she created. She is the queen of projection! She often complains about flaws in other that are stronger flaws in her! Did that make sense?

She’ll have these brief insights, (like a fat person making a fat crack about themselves but then getting offended if it’s confirmed), she can’t be told anything by anyone else, it all has to come from her and from her perspective. I almost ended up like that, but staying in therapy no matter how scary it is at times has made me face the things I’ve done that have “ruined” parts of my life in the past. See she thinks she’s just as smart as the therapists so she just “self helps” but I know she could never really face the harsh reality of a therapist. She goes on and on about “how could that person NOT be in therapy!” The person of course is anyone that sees *her* as flawed! LOL! One day I will ask her “I’ve wondered for years why you’ve never been in therapy for all of the pain (insults to her pride and ego) that you’ve experienced in your lifetime?” I’m sure I’ll get a kick out of the answer! I can only imagine how much better my life would have been as a child if she had some kind of guide for her crazy behavior. But then I wonder, since she was so selfish when I was a child, would knowing what it was causing have kept her from doing it? I have serious doubts. Some of the things she was capable of were so monstrous, yet she can whisk them away with blame or my favorite “I did the best I could”. Her situations were very trying, but she was also monstrously abusive to my two older siblings and just likes to think that we don’t remember it all. For years I’ve been trying to pry details out of her, but I think if she were to tell the truth she would just run off and live somewhere where she knew no one just so she would never have to look any of us in the face again and know that we do indeed KNOW, you know LOL!

(see white oleander if you haven't or better yet read the book)


These PD are from flawed parenting, past down, down, down. My gm is HPD or NPD or BPD or something! And all of my sisters have pretty serious signs of PD including myself. I am the only one in therapy for it that I know of. And this is why I don’t visit much! LOL! Just kidding. Part of my disorder is to expect too much from other people and not deliver the same! So who am I to judge! Seriously though, it is what ills society today. Bad and just selfish actions on the part of parents are turning out bumper crop after bumper crop, each one getting more and more pathological. The only hope is in the parents of the children. They are the only ones that can give the love and morals to these kids, and most of the people I meet treat their kids like a side-effect to sex. Why do they even want kids?