HP style versus disorder? Dramatic's vs. Passive-Aggressive

Discovering this forum has profoundly reminded me of the powerfull impact of my mother and a grandmother on my lover-preferences. (Or at least a certain strain of them.)
The distinction of HP Style versus the Disorder (See http://www.psychpage.com/learning/libra ... n/his.html) - which I've known from 10-15 years ago - I've fond very unhelpful in sorting out their differences. By contrast, All Bernstein's "Ham'" versus Passive-Aggressives, the obvious drama queens" verus those who present as more needy, is an enormously powerful insight!

The first are instantly attractive yet destructive, but the others come off as sensible suspect and therfore more normal and resonable people. The first as near ASPD, the others as confusingly DDP.

However, Len Sperry's "Comparison of the Histrionic Personality Style and Disorder" (link above) usefully suggests a continuum. Where does Bernstain's dichotomy map onto Sperry's? Does Bernstein give a more thorough breakdown?

(Confession: I've only been to Bernstein's web site: I've yet to see his book.)

However, Len Sperry's "Comparison of the Histrionic Personality Style and Disorder" (link above) usefully suggests a continuum. Where does Bernstain's dichotomy map onto Sperry's? Does Bernstein give a more thorough breakdown?

i have read bernstein's book and found it to be helpful to those who want a very basic a-b-c or 1-2-3 grade school type discussion on pd's. it is great as an intro but gives little in-depth analysis if that is what you are looking for. you will learn as much as you probably need to know by going back to the beginning of this forum and reading as much as you can.

the link you provided gives a quick glance into the differences in the styles and the disordered characteristics. some say that the hpd's are simply suffering from an extreme variant of extroversion where it becomes maladaptive and all-consuming. so that is where there may be some continuum. however, many people upon a quick glance at this style/disorder comparison may believe that half the people they know have hpd. i myself, if NOT having met and allowed myself to have feelings for an hpd sufferer, may have thought the same thing. but, that is simly not true.

hpd's make up 2-5% of the general population. plus, when you meet and get close to an hpd you just know it. you read the symptoms and you shake your head in astonishment. all of a sudden it all makes sense. and what is very important to realize is this...it is in the subtleties that you are able to tell if a loved one is hpd or not. the tiny little things that do not add up. example: the outward extroversion/inner robot like reactions, the lasar beam stare, the elusive quality, the shallowness, etc. etc.

also -- the hpd continuum moves across boundaries of other pd's. hpd's are usually co-morbid with bpd, aspd, npd, dpd, etc. so hpd symptoms are usually combined with symptoms of other pd's.

The first are instantly attractive yet destructive, but the others come off as sensible suspect and therfore more normal and resonable people. The first as near ASPD, the others as confusingly DDP.

i don't know if i agree with the former statement. the ones that are all make-up, etc. are pretty much letting the world know (at least with their physical appearance) that they are attractive, highly sought after women. you won't know they are hpd, of course, until you get very close to them. but, at least there is some prior warning that there may be competition from others. the hpd's who are average looking (in dress, etc.) are more confusing. you don't know about their wicked ways until you are hooked emotionally. kind of like mother theresa on the outside with darth vadar on the inside. the two different types of hpds mentioned above could very well be aspd or dpd. each individual case is different. also, the passive agressive, more average looking hpd's may be more bpd's confused as hpd's. or there could be a crossover between the two. whatever the case cluster b's are rarely cut and dry. almost all cluster b's have co-morbid symptoms.

--- however, these ramblings are (of course) all just my assumptions based on my experiences and my readings. feel free to disagree with me. i am not an expert on the subject. just quite interested in the subject.

love your ramblings soulsearch- I agree with you on most of what you said. I would say that also with my ex (who I suspect as HPD )she is 40+ and I think she's realized that 20yr old chicks can kick her ass in looks, energy and body any day...so she uses illness/problems and afflictions for attention instead. The aging HPD. 40+ may take a safer tack. HPDs will seek a constant supply of admiration - positive or negative as long as it's all about them.
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I have been here for months trying to 'get it', it is so hard to believe a person is emotionless....since they make the gestures to claim that they are just lovely and into intimacy and love. BS!

I finally sent a note to my HPD and straight out asked her-just about begged her -to meet me to help me out /talk since I went into a deep depression 3weeks ago(I didn't say what about or etc..I just really stressed it was important to me and I hope she can sense that)

I've never asked her for anything..since she was always 'in need' herself..how could I ask for any attention or help or nurturing? She used me for chores and labor and support and dinners and admiration. I think she did the sex just because it's expected- it doesn't make sense why else when I look at her coldness.
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her reply to me--- no, she will not meet me, she has moved on and forgotten - and I shouldn't expect any contact from her. Cold as ice. Ouch- Not a feelling bone in her body.

I never did anything that was bizarre or mean --but my #1 flaws that pushed her off- I wanted her to: be truthful/ be deeper/ tell me about her emotions. ..that is how to get rid of an HPD if you want to - ask them to talk about how they feel. Ask them to be warm to you...they cannot.

--Sad..
I want to lash out and just say- if you ever get a human emotion look me up- but I know I will now just come out looking like sh*t.

That is the most FRUSTRATING part of these folks- they set you up for the kill and never take any responsibility --now she says-- I hope you get the help you need to get on w/life- yeah....I realize that is somewhat true- I've had suppport and friends that are like- you are normal- she is not! But it just wouldn't click that she could be soooo shallow and cold.
0k..I'll stop now..I'm getting mad again ---moving on towards a new nice girl=
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soulsearch wrote:the link you provided gives a quick glance into the differences in the styles and the disordered characteristics. some say that the hpd's are simply suffering from an extreme variant of extroversion where it becomes maladaptive and all-consuming. so that is where there may be some continuum. however, many people upon a quick glance at this style/disorder comparison may believe that half the people they know have hpd. i myself, if NOT having met and allowed myself to have feelings for an hpd sufferer, may have thought the same thing. but, that is simly not true.

hpd's make up 2-5% of the general population. plus, when you meet and get close to an hpd you just know it. you read the symptoms and you shake your head in astonishment. all of a sudden it all makes sense.

also -- the hpd continuum moves across boundaries of other pd's. hpd's are usually co-morbid with bpd, aspd, npd, dpd, etc. so hpd symptoms are usually combined with symptoms of other pd's.

2-5%!?!?!
That's quite a high incidence.
And far higher than my experience would indicate.

As for comorbidity, I'm sure there is. But for the one's "I just know" - having been close to (grandmother, mother, or lover), they've all been rather pure types.

Perhaps that's merely indicative of my early experience - and once had, since repeated - perhaps I've avoided all those comorbid types.

Just my experience.

I guess my question requires me to read up on the specialist literature, which I will begin to do shortly. The question is this: what are the revealing dimensions of HPD?

Possibly two scales - from near ASPD to near DPD for one; the other, functionality? I'll check into specialists who venture more educated guesses.

2-5%!?!?!
That's quite a high incidence.
And far higher than my experience would indicate.

yes, i think you're right. a real hpd, rather than one with histrionic style, is probably more along the lines of 2-3%. as for being intertwined and co-morbid with other cluster b disorders i would believe most times there would be some co-morbidity even if the hpd is evidenced as 80% and the other cluster b as 20%. i think one disorder highlights the surface behaviour and other traits would be recognizable as one gets to know one on a deeper level. but, as your mother and grandmother are both hpd you know first hand what it is like to experience the subtle manipulation. also, cluster c disorders like dependent personality disorder can overlap with hpd, as you said.

as for being drawn to women with these traits because of your upbringing that is something i myself am trying to figure out about my own life and childhood. women like this can unearth a lot of supressed memories about one's own parents and their own possible pd's. very painful. maybe we are attracted to the illness because that is how our 'pd'd?' parent approached us.

her reply to me--- no, she will not meet me, she has moved on and forgotten - and I shouldn't expect any contact from her. Cold as ice. Ouch- Not a feelling bone in her body.

oh, that's awful. why did you let it get that far? you should have turned your back a long time ago. i guess we all have our ways of dealing with things though. i myself would never let someone like that have the last word. but, she'll probably be back whining. just don't give in next time.