Newbie... BPD and HPD...

Hmm... where to start. My name's Meghan. I'm 16. I've been struggling with all kinds of mental problems for years and have been diagnosed with tons of things. I know for certain that I;m borderline and the other day when I was having a total meltdown I was talking to my therapist on the phone and she's like, "Sometimes I really think you have histrionic personality disorder." and at that point I really knew nothing about it. So I started reading and the more I read the more it sounds like me and I'm really upset to have yet another diagnosis at this point because I've come a long way on my road to recovery.

My current therapist is a total angel. She's helped me so much. (And I'm not just being dramatic about that. ha ha) And I was really doing well. Then I had jaw surgery a few weeks and I'm wired shut and I sort of got depressed. Plus all the medications I was on had to be liquified and they tasted horrible and made me throw up. So I just stopped my meds cold turkey. Horrible I know yet I actually felt better than I ever had in my whole life when I stopped taking them. And my therapist says there's really not much difference between when I was on them and now because they've never really done what they were supposed to in the first place. Well, I'm having crazy mood swings now and I find I'm wrapped up in this complete mess. I've been so dramatic lately. I throw literal temper tanrums almost daily and just act all "crazy" you know? And now it's like I just don't know which of my emotions are real and how much of it mis just something I've made into a much bigger deal than it needs to be. I sort of feel like I've lost touch with reality. I'm so freaking wrapped up in myself and how awful everything is right now. I e-mail my therapist a zillion times a day and I can't wait until tomorrow so I can call her.

I sort of wish she never would have told me what she was thinking because now I'm just acting more dramatic and it feels like I'm trying to fit the "HPD mold" so to speak since she suggested it. I mean I'm also such a stereotypical borderline and I don'ty think I was like that until I was diagnosesed and kept reading about it. See, I'm highly suggestable...

I do not believe your thought process is HPD. You would not actually believe in God at any point in time. Would an HPD?

Kane wrote:I do not believe your thought process is HPD. You would not actually believe in God at any point in time. Would an HPD?

Why is that?? My HPD mother would always tell us there was no God

Kane wrote:I do not believe your thought process is HPD. You would not actually believe in God at any point in time. Would an HPD?

Intersting but tell me where in the DSM or any other psychology book for that matter does it say that. I'd like facts, not just your opinion. Honestly what do you base it on because you can't know that many people with HPD to know this is true.

Also I find it quite interesting you think we can rule out a disorder based on a belief in a higher power. Because I'm pretty sure my therapist and my pshyciatrist would disagree with you.

And again, I have such a weak or even nonexistent sense of identity that maybe I only "believe" in God because I want my therapist to like me.

Disordered wrote:

Kane wrote:I do not believe your thought process is HPD. You would not actually believe in God at any point in time. Would an HPD?

Intersting but tell me where in the DSM or any other psychology book for that matter does it say that. I'd like facts, not just your opinion. Honestly what do you base it on because you can't know that many people with HPD to know this is true.

Also I find it quite interesting you think we can rule out a disorder based on a belief in a higher power. Because I'm pretty sure my therapist and my pshyciatrist would disagree with you.

And again, I have such a weak or even nonexistent sense of identity that maybe I only "believe" in God because I want my therapist to like me.

Name one psychopath or sociopathic ASPD who believes in god. One.

It is my conception, and only a conception, that HPDs/ASPDS do not ever believe in god. It could be wrong. But For ASPDS, I know it is not.

Edit: Your mere speech would seem to indicate to me that you are not an HPD. They don't tend to come of as confrontational.

You are wrong about the therapist. Maybe you are extremely histrionic. But the disorder? I don't think so. I could be wrong. Nothing I say goes.

Hi disordered -

One can be BPD and have histrionic responses to things....Just because your therapist said you were acting histrionic does not mean that you are HPD. Non-personality disordered people often also act histrionic at times....thats a part of many people lives...so I would rest easy....besides the fact that you are so quick to find an idenity would be more in line with BPD, as you know.


Kane -

Interesting conversation about God. I am HPD, diagnosed by therapist and self

I have always kinda believed in God but then again not really....I have tried to find spirituality but typically end up feeling like it is crutch for those who need comfort in life. I dont know, I want to believe in God, but have not been able to do so as of yet. I have tried church, but that feels like a phoney place to me....I am suspicious of pastors and think they want the money and are really crazy themselves...not all, but many. I never thought about my spirituality in terms of my HPD.I do like to think there is a peaceful place at the end of our lives...BUT do I believe that God is our creator??? Ummm....that is too abstract for this HPD. I need to see and touch and feel, and with God I am unable to, so I am left with too much doubt to jump on that wagon.

mylife wrote:Hi disordered -

One can be BPD and have histrionic responses to things....Just because your therapist said you were acting histrionic does not mean that you are HPD. Non-personality disordered people often also act histrionic at times....thats a part of many people lives...so I would rest easy....besides the fact that you are so quick to find an idenity would be more in line with BPD, as you know.


Kane -

Interesting conversation about God. I am HPD, diagnosed by therapist and self

I have always kinda believed in God but then again not really....I have tried to find spirituality but typically end up feeling like it is crutch for those who need comfort in life. I dont know, I want to believe in God, but have not been able to do so as of yet. I have tried church, but that feels like a phoney place to me....I am suspicious of pastors and think they want the money and are really crazy themselves...not all, but many. I never thought about my spirituality in terms of my HPD.I do like to think there is a peaceful place at the end of our lives...BUT do I believe that God is our creator??? Ummm....that is too abstract for this HPD. I need to see and touch and feel, and with God I am unable to, so I am left with too much doubt to jump on that wagon.

Interesting. And I thank you for your professional opinion, or, at some length of professionality. I think its needed to convince this person she is not HPD. I am sure as hell she isn't, and I am that way most of the time with anyone, but you never see me say it.

Kane,

Well...I am not diagnosing her one way or another - obviously that would be impossible. But I am just stating that one can certainly act histrionic without being HPD....and that if she was originally diagnosed BPD, and based on what she has said thusfar, it would seem reasonable to assume she is BPD with some histrionic traits....after all, the cluster B spectrum of disorders can really mimic one another...I am certain that I do have some narcissistic traits; however, not enough so to be diagnosed with NPD. And, as I said, most everyone has TRAITS of disorders....it is only a disorder when it becomes their life/identity and interfers with their ability to live "normal" in an occupational and social setting.

I meant to add in my first post on this topic, that I have been in therapy myself for several years....much of my insight has been gained from school, professional experience, and my own therapist. I might also add that I have a great deal of insight but seem to do NOTHING about making any changes in my life - which is a whole different issue!!!

And lets face it, BPD's are histrionic!! I think it is likely that most BPD's would be diagnosed with HPD if they were milder in their behavior....the exact reason they are BPD is because their behaviors are more extreme and self-destructive than an HPD....BUT the underlying psychopathology is the same...the fears are the same....the goals are the same.....just two different ways of exhibiting the pathology. There is enormous overlap in BPD/HPD behaviors, feelings, traits....

As a professional, I would not diagnose anyone on the internet with anything...but I will state the generally known and accepted thoughts....This young woman needs to talk to her therapist if she needs clarification of her diagnosis....the thing is, it really doesnt matter what the diagnosis is - it is about treatment of the pathology. So regardless of whether she is BPD or HPD, the goal of treatment and self-improvement will be treat the behaviors that are problematic...doesnt really matter if they are generated by HPD or BPD...She needs to focus on getting better not putting herself in a diagnosed box....If she finds out that she is HPD in addition to BPD she still needs to treat the symtpoms - so in essence, it doesnt matter.

God thing:
I wouldn't say an HPD can 'NEVER' believe...but I'd agree that a deep spiritual humility is unlikely if you just look at the HPD mindset.
The HPD humbles themselves for nobody it seems.

God would be a challenge to total control and dominance over all.
God can 'see into her ugly truths' and the HPD thinks that God is like all humans and would judge her as 'bad' ...thus is a threat.


God is smarter and more revered even though he doesn't have Prada or Gucci or look fabulous in tight jeans.

errr.. However..if God is everywhere..he is all those things too? hrmm. I saw God at Macy's makeup counter.!

One of the most prolific HPD posters on this forum believes in god. LostHPD. She feels (erroneuosly) that her belief in god is the only thing holding her back from terrible crimes and such. Then again she was brainwash- uhh raised in a christian family (and a christian country), so it is only normal to believe what she was told was true as a child.

I personally agree that cluster B makes one less able to hold a serious commitment to a religion. Superficial belief is easily acheivable (and is the main level of faith of the masses anyhow). The main reasoning behind this position is that religions (all of them) were written primarily from the social values of their authors (bronze age humans, mainly). Whilst some semantical values have fallen out of favour socially (such as eye for and eye, capital punishment, and inequality of races/sexes/religions) the vast majority of social altruism has remained the same (as it is an instictive part of human interaction). As such, (getting to the point) most religions in fundamentals are based of timeless social altruism (be nice to each other, don't kill, steal, hurt, ect...), if at least in esscence. Cluster Bs are on the whole dysfunctional when it comes to this kind of social behaviour. As such, their disorder actively prevents them from relating to (or even understanding) the fundamental core values of most major religions.

So it is not specifically belief in god which is impossible to clusterBs, but rather the systems gods are a product of, religions. I imagine HPDs could hold Deism easily enough, especially if it was drilled into them as children. However, atheism is much less conflicting with their mode of social operation (actually, it is such for all, having nothing to conflict with whatsoever).