Adult survivor of HPD parent

Keeping those people out of my life has helped immensely. I strongly suggest you do the same as no amount of money is worth your sanity. You don't even have to rage at her... just tell her that she is mentally unstable and aging poorly... being calm and aloof when you insult someone seems to drive the knife in deeper. If she insults you back, just nonchalantly blame her for whatever flaw she accuses you of having.

Run, take up kickboxing, or do yoga.. you're right that this anger is hurting you (both physically and emotionally). You can sort through it in time, but in the meantime take care of yourself otherwise. The exertion will increase endorphin production and other "happy" chemicals that will counter the anger to a degree, so that's another benefit.

If you are religious, pray for them. I know it sounds ridiculous, but when I was the most angry and in pain, praying that they would never hurt someone like they'd hurt me or praying that God would hold a mirror to their face helped me some. It is partly a "letting go" of the control over the situation (and of course any control over someone else's actions is simply an illusion). Letting go and "giving it to God" made me feel a little lighter.

Definitely consider therapy. You suffered abuse as a child, and you need the tools that a good professional can give you. The anger is just a way of cauterizing the wound that she continues to pick at. Don't be afraid to tell those to whom SHE reaches out to get at you that she was abusive... those are strong words, but they apply in your case. Tell everyone that she was a "Mommy Dearest" (see the film if you haven't) and that on the outside she wore a mask to hide the horror she visited upon her children.

chickadee wrote:mousey, I went through a period of rage with someone from my childhood as well. I don't think he hurt me as badly as your mother did you and your brother, and thankfully he isn't part of my life. I also have an ex who did me very, very wrong and I struggled with that as well. Remember that anger is a secondary emotion. We are only angry because of another emotion (fear, hurt, confusion, helplessness, etc.). You have to dig down and find that feeling that is resulting in anger and deal with it in order to conquer your fury. Anger protects you from the depth of those wounds, but you must tend to them in order to let the anger go.

In the meantime... I have a very vivid imagination, so I often envisioned bludgeoning or killing my ex (a rocket launcher into his chest, cutting off his private parts with a dirty blade, a machete splitting his skull, punching him repeatedly, etc.). Visualization helps.

Keeping those people out of my life has helped immensely. I strongly suggest you do the same as no amount of money is worth your sanity. You don't even have to rage at her... just tell her that she is mentally unstable and aging poorly... being calm and aloof when you insult someone seems to drive the knife in deeper. If she insults you back, just nonchalantly blame her for whatever flaw she accuses you of having.

Run, take up kickboxing, or do yoga.. you're right that this anger is hurting you (both physically and emotionally). You can sort through it in time, but in the meantime take care of yourself otherwise. The exertion will increase endorphin production and other "happy" chemicals that will counter the anger to a degree, so that's another benefit.

If you are religious, pray for them. I know it sounds ridiculous, but when I was the most angry and in pain, praying that they would never hurt someone like they'd hurt me or praying that God would hold a mirror to their face helped me some. It is partly a "letting go" of the control over the situation (and of course any control over someone else's actions is simply an illusion). Letting go and "giving it to God" made me feel a little lighter.

Definitely consider therapy. You suffered abuse as a child, and you need the tools that a good professional can give you. The anger is just a way of cauterizing the wound that she continues to pick at. Don't be afraid to tell those to whom SHE reaches out to get at you that she was abusive... those are strong words, but they apply in your case. Tell everyone that she was a "Mommy Dearest" (see the film if you haven't) and that on the outside she wore a mask to hide the horror she visited upon her children.

And finally... truly realizing--knowing deep inside myself--that living through these toxic people makes me strong is where I ended up. And shedding the shackles and chains they put on me, I am only heading toward a better place within myself. One cell in my body is brighter and better than the sum of their parts. That is true of you as well... in time I hope it will be enough to rise above her abuse.