So Frustrated, need help

I've introduced myself in other forums, but I'm a college student and I received my diagnosis freshman year. Previously I had always been a very friendly, party-hardy girl but now as a junior I'm seeing less and less of that girl I was. My depression is really bad, landing me in the hospital. I feel so lonely and empty and my self harm ideation is so strong.

Now, I live with my boyfriend who is the biggest sweetheart I know. But he is an engineering major and therefore extremely busy. I go to class and try to self-improve, in addition to going to therapy, but I very occassionally hangout with friends and just keep myself moving through class, studying, grocery shopping etc.

I miss the outgoing, fun, crazy girl I used to be.
I go to a big state school where a lot of the emphasis of clubs and orgs is volunteering and it's a very jock-oriented football beer and girls school. I used to be in a sorority but couldn't handle being told what to do all of the time and my depression would get bad, causing me to miss events, and the "sorority girl stereotype" of being dumb and mean really pertained to this org, later I learned they had a reputation. Even when I do go out it's to frat parties and I get so dissociated and lonely surrounded by all the people that I just end up forcing myself to have a "good time" but go home unsatisfied and inwardly sad. I feel like life is passing me by and I'm just surviving, trying not to hurt myself and trying to get good grades.

I miss culture and wine tasting and art museums type of stuff that I hear about from bigger cities, but unfortunately at a big state school there aren't even clubs pertaining to those kind of interests.

I feel like I'm screwing up the best 4 years of my life and I need help desperately. Any advice would be amazing right now.


(I'll be posting this also in some other forums of my co-morbid diagnosies because I'm not sure which one it pertains to the most)

Have you really looked into the social outlets available at and around your campus and found none to your tastes? I remember at the state school I attended, there were always fliers everywhere about get-togethers. They weren't clubs, just people with similar interests getting together to do something. If they have anything like that at your school, those events might be a good way to meet people, and branch out.

You said your boyfriend is a sweetheart, but are you really happy with him? If not, might it be within reason to look for a campus to transfer to that has a community more suited to your tastes?

You said that you used to enjoy being outgoing, fun, crazy. Where were you in life when you were enjoying yourself?

Placid wrote:Have you really looked into the social outlets available at and around your campus and found none to your tastes? I remember at the state school I attended, there were always fliers everywhere about get-togethers. They weren't clubs, just people with similar interests getting together to do something. If they have anything like that at your school, those events might be a good way to meet people, and branch out.

You said your boyfriend is a sweetheart, but are you really happy with him? If not, might it be within reason to look for a campus to transfer to that has a community more suited to your tastes?

You said that you used to enjoy being outgoing, fun, crazy. Where were you in life when you were enjoying yourself?

Unfortunaely I was in a more unhealthy place, a really fast lifestyle when I was happiest.

That's hard to think about if I'm really happy. I feel stable..