So why are they typically good-looking?

by **crystal_richardson_** » Thu Oct 23, 2014 1:14 am

I am not trying to explain your HPD per se, that is not the point, but showing that it was other things not prettiness that caused your HPDness.

and that prettiness IS a gift and not inherently problematic...unless it's not you but your parents insist it be (your case it seems)

crystal_richardson_ wrote:I am not trying to explain your HPD per se, that is not the point, but showing that it was other things not prettiness that caused your HPDness.

and that prettiness IS a gift and not inherently problematic...unless it's not you but your parents insist it be (your case it seems)

Hmmm... Not sure that you've shown me anything.

Be well.

by **crystal_richardson_** » Thu Oct 23, 2014 1:01 pm

also I don't think you're HPD, but more NPD, if anything.

your whole personality is [*** mod edit ***]

that's not a dig, it's just the truth. and you're full of yourself. I doubt you are as hot as you say. beauty is usually more modest, they don't need to compensate.

anyway, be well.

by **Occams Chainsaw** » Thu Oct 23, 2014 1:52 pm

trophywife,

I don't understand why, if you don't like the attention and consequences of how you look, you focus so much on looking good:

a strawman example of this would be that women who paid to have a third breast to appear less attractive to remove the stigma of being attractive from her life. While clearly a case of going too far, I wonder whether a step in that direction might make sense for mental health.

For instance, if you were to not wear makeup and had a more 'muted' look, do you think you'd be taken more seriously at work etc like you implied you'd like? It seems like you're actually indulging in it and enjoy the attention on one side and then complaining about the consequences on the other.

Not meant as a dig, I'm just trying to understand.

by **trophywife** » Thu Oct 23, 2014 2:18 pm

Hi---

I'll place my comments in CAP...not shouting :-)

Occams Chainsaw wrote:trophywife,

I don't understand why, if you don't like the attention and consequences of how you look, you focus so much on looking good: [THAT'S AN ASSUMPTION. I GENERALLY ONLY WEAR LIPGLOSS AND VERY LITTLE MASCARA. MOST WOMEN WEAR FAR MORE MAKEUP THAN I DO. I ALSO TEND TO DRESS VERY CASUAL (YOGA PANTS, JEANS, ET AL), AND RARELY WEAR HEELS]

a strawman example of this would be that women who paid to have a third breast to appear less attractive to remove the stigma of being attractive from her life.[I THOUGHT THAT STORY WAS HOAX, AND THAT THE THIRD BREAST WAS ACTUALLY A PROSTHESIS] While clearly a case of going too far, I wonder whether a step in that direction might make sense for mental health.[OH, THERE WAS CLEARLY SOMETHING MH GOING ON..]

For instance, if you were to not wear makeup and had a more 'muted' look, do you think you'd be taken more seriously at work etc like you implied you'd like? [NOT SURE WHY IT'S ASSUMED I DON'T MUTE ALREADY??? MOST "BEAUTY TRAITS" OF HPD ARE GENETIC, HENCE I CAN MUTE ALL I WISH...I CAN'T CHANGE THE SYMMETRY OF MY FACE, WHICH MOST PEOPLE VIEW AS ATTRACTIVE]

It seems like you're actually indulging in it and enjoy the attention on one side and then complaining about the consequences on the other [OK, SURE. I LIKE ATTENTION, BUT I ALSO HATE THAT I LIKE THE ATTENTION. CIRCULAR, I KNOW. ALSO, I'M MORE "TRAIT" AND "PATHOLOGICAL H", HENCE, I'M SORT OF STUCK IN THE MIDDLE. I FEEL LIKE I GOT A RAW DEAL, TO BE HONEST...]

Not meant as a dig, I'm just trying to understand.[NOT TAKEN AS SUCH...I DON'T MIND TRYING TO OFFER CLARITY, JUST BE SURE THAT YOU'RE NOT OPERATING FROM A LENS OF "PRETTY PEOPLE HAVE NO PROBLEMS", OR I WON'T WASTE MY TIME TRYING TO EXPLAIN IT TO YOU

My thoughts:

I *get* that for most people, being attractive is viewed as an asset. Can I say without a shadow of a doubt that I have NEVER received preferred treatment due to my appearance? No.

Can I say that I absolutely HATE the attention I receive? No.

Do I recognize that it is uncomfortable and a conflict to my "authentic self"? YES!

Also, it is assumed that I spend 2 hours getting dressed, plastering a ton of makeup on my face and dressing like I'm prepared to hit the runway. This is not the case.

As a matter of fact, MANY WOMEN wear far more makeup and dress much flashier, yet do not get the attention. Now, I admit despite "muting" myself in appearance, I do tend to be very charming and personable. This I believe if more of a "hook" for people, most times.

Also, I'm a bit older, and find that despite my age, the level of attention hasn't decreased.

It's a paradox...

by **crystal_richardson_** » Thu Oct 23, 2014 2:35 pm

this is about as pretty as you can get without makeup...

so symmetry, etc, is there...but I don't know how many guys would choose that over less exceptional proportions + makeup, hair, etc...

my guess is not many. just from my experience. THEY NOTICE.

-- Thu Oct 23, 2014 2:44 pm --

this is triggering my bdd lol

by **Occams Chainsaw** » Thu Oct 23, 2014 4:10 pm

crystal_richardson_ wrote:this is about as pretty as you can get without makeup...

so symmetry, etc, is there...but I don't know how many guys would choose that over less exceptional proportions + makeup, hair, etc...

my guess is not many. just from my experience. THEY NOTICE.

-- Thu Oct 23, 2014 2:44 pm --

this is triggering my bdd lol

really? I don't like her forehead. Fivehead might be more appropriate. Your instincts are right, though... Not the ideal, even if it is conceptually.

What's bdd? As you probably realised in my own thread, the Psych scene is new to me

by **xdude** » Thu Oct 23, 2014 4:30 pm

Reminder -

The Pink Sticky ^^^ above applies. Disagreement is fine, and debate is fine, but if the topic is triggering, then it's best avoided. Standard rules apply as well, all members must treat each other with respect.

That written, obviously the topic of appearance, and the affect it has (or not) on one's personality has a lot of potential for insightful discussion.

by **trophywife** » Thu Oct 23, 2014 6:02 pm

xdude wrote:Reminder -

The Pink Sticky ^^^ above applies. Disagreement is fine, and debate is fine, but if the topic is triggering, then it's best avoided. Standard rules apply as well, all members must treat each other with respect.

That written, obviously the topic of appearance, and the affect it has (or not) on one's personality has a lot of potential for insightful discussion.

Thank you. :-)

by **blank identity** » Thu Oct 23, 2014 8:06 pm

crystal_richardson_ wrote:attention...approval...praise...love

crystal_richardson_ wrote:I am not trying to explain your HPD per se, that is not the point, but showing that it was other things not prettiness that caused your HPDness.

I think you're not as naive as you often like to pretend to be, Crystal.

crystal_richardson_ wrote:also I don't think you're HPD, but more NPD, if anything.

You know we aren't supposed to diagnose anyone here... but for once I agree with you.

I think this article is a good read and is one I identify so much with. http://www.nvo.com/psych_help/histrioni ... ydisorder/

When you have little to no internal self-worth, you look for external confirmation to validate your worth and existence. Making impressions and focusing on appearance is only one means to that end. There are many ways to garner attention for the self.

No two histrionics are alike, just as there are many different flavors of narcissism.

When I was dx'd with HPD traits it was kind of validating as it made a lot of sense in my own life for WHY I do what I do. Why I crave attention and how I seek it.

Though I do put a lot of effort into my appearance, being an introvert and having other dx in the mix complicates things. I cannot seek attention the way I would like in RL. I love to stand out and get noticed, but my appearance is more muted.

crystal_richardson_ wrote:this is about as pretty as you can get without makeup...

Meh... disagree with you there. I've seen far more naturally beautiful women, but to each their own.

So why are they typically good-looking?

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