So why are they typically good-looking?

I just don't buy that hardship of being pretty stuff.

the only girls that won't be your friend because of your looks are the competitive ones. you could still befriend all other girls, and don't include the boys when girl time.

if you don't like the other stuff you can just get fat or downplay your looks. many girls do this to avoid unwanted attention.

you don't HAVE to be pretty, and most girls aren't without accentuating, diet, etc.

regarding your socialization from day one around your looks, again if you wanted to pursue other things like degree, career, etc, without it influencing then just downplay it.

crystal_richardson_ wrote:I just don't buy that hardship of being pretty stuff.

the only girls that won't be your friend because of your looks are the competitive ones. you could still befriend all other girls, and don't include the boys when girl time.

if you don't like the other stuff you can just get fat or downplay your looks. many girls do this to avoid unwanted attention.

you don't HAVE to be pretty, and most girls aren't without accentuating, diet, etc.

regarding your socialization from day one around your looks, again if you wanted to pursue other things like degree, career, etc, without it influencing then just downplay it.

Never thought of that! Thanks for your advice.

"Trophywife", Ph.D.

it's not advice.

being pretty can grant you access to a certain lifestyle and social group, but it can be tough and competitive obviously

you wanted this lifestyle by the looks of it, based on your life choices.

but on some level you can't handle it or you take issue with the troubles involved.

if you can't handle it then you should get out, and it's as easy as not being pretty.

don't blame pretty for your troubles. your troubles are a result of your choice to take the opportunity prettiness granted you.

crystal_richardson_ wrote:you wanted this lifestyle by the looks of it, based on your life choices.

.

So you have my CV? Great. Do you mind editing it? I need to send it in for a contract I'm bidding on.

Not sure what "choices" you speak of. Um...going to school, grad school, seeking employment, dating, having children?

Clearly you are either ill informed about HPD (and really don't want to be informed), or you are being intentionally contrary. Neither of which, I give a damn.

Hope you enjoyed your H-supply for the evening..

I need to make my children dinner.

I am talking about your choice to capitalize on your prettiness.

ya people rewarded that behaviour, but unless they ONLY rewarded that behaviour, or punished or prevented behaviour to the contrary such that you didn't have a choice, you chose to pursue it and the opportunities it granted

did you feel like you had a choice growing up to not concern yourself with your appearance exclusively? or was this really your choice because it was rewarded and it was easier than doing other things?

crystal_richardson_ wrote:I am talking about your choice to capitalize on your prettiness.

Once more, you assume, Crystal.

did you feel like you had a choice growing up to not concern yourself with your appearance exclusively? or was this really your choice because it was rewarded and it was easier than doing other things?

No. I did not. I wanted to play chess. I was told to do ballet. I wanted to play outside. I was told I'd "skin my knee." ...

Not my choice. Not sure of what rewards you speak. Please clarify?

attention...approval...praise...love

did the people around you make these things conditional upon appearance, in particular your parents?

what if your daughter wants to model? what will you tell her?

My reply in bold, for distinction only... not shouting.

crystal_richardson_ wrote:attention...approval...praise...love [THAT YOU VIEW THESE AS BENEFITS IS INTERESTING... Perhaps for a nonHPD, these things are "benefits", yet for me, it looked like this:

ATTENTION: Street harassment TIMES 10!

APPROVAL: Usually with an expectation that I do something, usually sexual.

PRAISE: At the expense of my siblings (all boys) receiving none or little. Created sibling rivalry, which exists to this day.

LOVE: 6 Marriage proposals, to men who want to "own", "show off", "abuse", "control", "shame"....
Parents: NPD-trait misogynistic father who shamed my appearance, while concurrently esteeming it... Codependent mother who harbored hidden jealousy, yet also esteemed it...

did the people around you make these things conditional upon appearance, in particular your parents? [Yes]

what if your daughter wants to model? what will you tell her? [I'd have to get back with you on that one....

interesting you associate HPD with bothersome attention. HPD usually can't get enough of it...yet you seem to dislike it? (although I think this depends on the neglected-child type of HPD...which you do not appear to be)

your issue seems to be incompatibility of your appearance and the expectations/conditions put on you with how you really were

regarding your answers, does all that apply to when you were 0-6 years old, and 6-12?

did your parents only hand out approval/love/attention/praise for your appearance when you were 2, 3, 4, etc?

my mother was also the jealous type...she used to sabotage my friendships.

mixed messages from father...check

my original point was it wasn't prettiness that caused these experiences for you, it was the incompatibility of your prettiness and the conditions of worth put on you for it with how you really were...

I assumed you chose going into modelling, etc, because I thought you liked attention (fair assumption if you are HPD...BUT there are different types), etc....but it seems your issue is the incomparability of your appearance with how you really were/are, your true self, exacerbated by your parents' conditions of love/worth regarding appearance when this wasn't you/didn't interest you

crystal_richardson_ wrote:interesting you associate HPD with bothersome attention. HPD usually can't get enough of it...yet you seem to dislike it? (although I think this depends on the neglected-child type of HPD...which you do not appear to be) [I don't mind the attention most times, and I will seek it out, when I'm low on supply. but I find at times it's overwhelming.]

I assumed you chose going into modelling, etc, because I thought you liked attention (fair assumption if you are HPD...BUT there are different types), [HPD is also largely environmental. Hence, one can be placed in an environment that could set them up for HPD. That seems more like my background, and probably why I don't tend to have more on the pathological traits.]. etc....but it seems your issue is the incomparability of your appearance with how you really were/are, your true self, exacerbated by your parents' conditions of love/worth regarding appearance when this wasn't you/didn't interest you. [Good analysis.]