So why are they typically good-looking?

Hey ridingthewtfbus,

ridingthewtfbus wrote:Enjoy it while it lasts bro. Eventually whatever pain you have caused will return to haunt you.

I was just offering an honest explanation from the way I see it. This is an HPD forum for people who are trying to work things out and help each other.

That comment could apply to many things whether you have a PD or don't.

Please be respectful with your comments in future.

Sous

I fail to see how the comment was interpreted as disrespectful. I'm just pointing out that while being obsessed with appearance might last forever, the effects of it positive or negative, will not last forever. You will need to prepare yourself mentally for the day when your own appearance fails to meet your standards.

I have a female friend who's a textbook pwHPD (she even seeks professional help to help her cope after break ups). A very pretty girl. What I've noticed about her is that she keeps dating guys who are physically way, waaaaaay out of her league, some of them downright ugly. But, because they are so "beneath" her, they worship her, regardless of her being a b!tchy drama queen with an IQ equivalent of a cactus.


I wonder; is this an HPD thing or just her thing?

Dorks need a trophy.
They find the trophy is high maintence.
They drop the trophy.

Now I need adventure not a trophy.

What a man seeks may vary, inevitably they will get tired of keeping a moody partner.

If they dont split phisically for any reason, this will happen emotionally.

crystal_richardson_ wrote:it's not advice.

being pretty can grant you access to a certain lifestyle and social group, but it can be tough and competitive obviously

you wanted this lifestyle by the looks of it, based on your life choices.

but on some level you can't handle it or you take issue with the troubles involved.

if you can't handle it then you should get out, and it's as easy as not being pretty.

don't blame pretty for your troubles. your troubles are a result of your choice to take the opportunity prettiness granted you.

I know this is an old topic, but I wanted to comment on this because it pertains to one of my sisters.

Yes it can be hard to be attractive. No, attractive people are not always trying to 'dress it up'. I'm not exceptionally attractive and I have been gropcced and harassed without any makeup on and in dumpy clothing. Some people don't care.

Basically my sister has never had any friends that are girls, always makes friends with guys, has self esteem issues etc It has caused her problems. I don't think she's by any means histrionic, though because of it (she's a little more antisocialish honestly ) .

If men are putting you in danger your whole life but also your worth is placed on your looks your whole life it's just this strange dichotomy, and I don't pretend it can't be hard.

However people who complain about it then continuously make themselves up and try to act attractive etc, need to realize that they have a toxic relationship with their appearance and that it's not easy for other people to take them seriously . (especially if they have accomplishments related to their looks; people are easily jealous and see looks as not a legitimate talent , even though it is; people who can sing didn't work any harder than those who prune their appearance for money).

Anyway, I think this 'it isn't hard being attractive' is as unhelpful as saying 'it isn't hard being ugly' . In fact it's not as hard being ugly as people think it is always. It's all just mental, really. Everything has a bad and a good side.

-- Thu Jul 02, 2015 9:41 pm --

miss_lilith wrote:I have a female friend who's a textbook pwHPD (she even seeks professional help to help her cope after break ups). A very pretty girl. What I've noticed about her is that she keeps dating guys who are physically way, waaaaaay out of her league, some of them downright ugly. But, because they are so "beneath" her, they worship her, regardless of her being a b!tchy drama queen with an IQ equivalent of a cactus.
I wonder; is this an HPD thing or just her thing?

This is something even non PD girls do . They keep unattractive friends around- usually something about them whether it's a nose or weight, or whatever- just so they feel superior. They can't handle being friends with someone who may have more positive qualities than them.

They also start getting pissy once the friend changes and try to be passive aggressive making little snide remarks to sabotage it. Can't stand anyone finding someone else more attractive, screech at their bf if they find a porn magazine, etc.

It seems like though underneath all that it can't be fun to have to base all your relationships around your own insecurity :/.

JPKAS wrote:

miss_lilith wrote:I have a female friend who's a textbook pwHPD (she even seeks professional help to help her cope after break ups). A very pretty girl. What I've noticed about her is that she keeps dating guys who are physically way, waaaaaay out of her league, some of them downright ugly. But, because they are so "beneath" her, they worship her, regardless of her being a b!tchy drama queen with an IQ equivalent of a cactus.
I wonder; is this an HPD thing or just her thing?

This is something even non PD girls do . They keep unattractive friends around- usually something about them whether it's a nose or weight, or whatever- just so they feel superior. They can't handle being friends with someone who may have more positive qualities than them.

yes.

and this response is taking into account what you said to my older post too.

attractive girls don't have self-esteem issues like an unattractive girl has.

importantly, the issue is that her HIGH/I am superior self-esteem is fragile and always being threatened.

rather than just having normal levels of self-esteem that are more stable.

she could have the latter if she chose to be more modest in her appearance, but she is addicted to the high self-esteem/I am superior/high level of attention she gets so she chooses the former.

though I agree that honing one's appearance is not as much different as people make it out to be from honing your voice or some other talent, intelligence, etc.

it takes work to be pretty; makeup is an art, etc.

for a pretty girl to keep friends she needs to befriend girls as pretty as her because friendship requires equality. if she does not, and chooses girls that are less than her, then she is greedily pursuing superiority and it is not outside of her power to choose otherwise, to be normal.

it is greed, her issues, an opportunity created by her appearance. easy attention/approval.

-- Fri Jul 03, 2015 7:50 pm --

and no a girl is not powerless in the face of her natural beauty. SHE NEED ONLY GAIN WEIGHT TO REPEL THE ATTENTION AND ATTRACT MORE FRIENDS

which is her natural state anyway, if you think about it..

I know this because I have a friend who did just this in adulthood. all through high school she got good attention from appearance; now she is chubby, married, and no longer gets that attention, but is still a pretty girl, just not exceptional.

so that's the solution. gain weight, and garner approval as other girls do. you have a choice. you can choose greed and create a situation you can't handle, or you can choose to be normal.

i am very good looking. maybe i have hpd.

Rigning wrote:i am very good looking. maybe i have hpd.

Maybe you have NPD .

Though I don't think it's very difficult to be good looking. Primarily because makeup does wonders.


Anyway,

crystal_richardson_ wrote:

JPKAS wrote:

miss_lilith wrote:I have a female friend who's a textbook pwHPD (she even seeks professional help to help her cope after break ups). A very pretty girl. What I've noticed about her is that she keeps dating guys who are physically way, waaaaaay out of her league, some of them downright ugly. But, because they are so "beneath" her, they worship her, regardless of her being a b!tchy drama queen with an IQ equivalent of a cactus.
I wonder; is this an HPD thing or just her thing?

This is something even non PD girls do . They keep unattractive friends around- usually something about them whether it's a nose or weight, or whatever- just so they feel superior. They can't handle being friends with someone who may have more positive qualities than them.

yes.

and this response is taking into account what you said to my older post too.

attractive girls don't have self-esteem issues like an unattractive girl has.

importantly, the issue is that her HIGH/I am superior self-esteem is fragile and always being threatened.

rather than just having normal levels of self-esteem that are more stable.

she could have the latter if she chose to be more modest in her appearance, but she is addicted to the high self-esteem/I am superior/high level of attention she gets so she chooses the former.

though I agree that honing one's appearance is not as much different as people make it out to be from honing your voice or some other talent, intelligence, etc.

it takes work to be pretty; makeup is an art, etc.

for a pretty girl to keep friends she needs to befriend girls as pretty as her because friendship requires equality. if she does not, and chooses girls that are less than her, then she is greedily pursuing superiority and it is not outside of her power to choose otherwise, to be normal.

it is greed, her issues, an opportunity created by her appearance. easy attention/approval.

-- Fri Jul 03, 2015 7:50 pm --

and no a girl is not powerless in the face of her natural beauty. SHE NEED ONLY GAIN WEIGHT TO REPEL THE ATTENTION AND ATTRACT MORE FRIENDS

which is her natural state anyway, if you think about it..

I know this because I have a friend who did just this in adulthood. all through high school she got good attention from appearance; now she is chubby, married, and no longer gets that attention, but is still a pretty girl, just not exceptional.

so that's the solution. gain weight, and garner approval as other girls do. you have a choice. you can choose greed and create a situation you can't handle, or you can choose to be normal.

well it's not exactly healthy to gain an excessive amount of weight . lol.

But I do agree they could easily dress frumpier if they wanted.

However, I still don't agree that ugly girls have it harder in terms of self esteem. If they do then it's cuz they don't have enough brains not to care. I mean there are plenty of ugly looking people in the world to love other ugly looking people. There are jobs to be had. Etc. etc. Just because everyone isn't calling you beautiful it isn't the end of the world. I feel the same about ugly girls with low self esteem that I do about pretty girls with low self esteem.

I've been ugly and attractive in my life and I didn't have low self esteem in either direction. I've been almost overweight (i'm going by bmi standards- I was on the cusp) and thin(nearing more of the underweight category) .Felt the same both ways . In fact people's comment really confused me and I brushed them aside.

Of course, I can't deny that I'm not a usual case because of my high self esteem. (even can be considered irrational. )So maybe my equaling the tragedies the beautiful and the ugly go through is just me doing that classic neutralization I like to do. ^W^.

So why are they typically good-looking?

It's easier to hide an empty tormented soul behind a pretty face. Plus their acting has been rewarded with praise their entire lives, so it's just natural to stay hidden behind a projected illusion that is dynamically evolving to suit the audience.... they learn it's simply easier and safer than being real.... Why risk exposing the fragile ego they keep trying to run from? It's sad because very few of them can successfully have long term relationships. When the beauty fades, and of course for women that usually happens very rapidly.... what's left becomes extremely lonely, on top of empty and tormented.

ridingthewtfbus wrote:

So why are they typically good-looking?

It's easier to hide an empty tormented soul behind a pretty face. Plus their acting has been rewarded with praise their entire lives, so it's just natural to stay hidden behind a projected illusion that is dynamically evolving to suit the audience.... they learn it's simply easier and safer than being real.... Why risk exposing the fragile ego they keep trying to run from? It's sad because very few of them can successfully have long term relationships. When the beauty fades, and of course for women that usually happens very rapidly.... what's left becomes extremely lonely, on top of empty and tormented.

Yeah it's never really good to put your eggs in one basket.

It does make sense though if you crave affection to see attention as affection ....and to get attention you have to act a certain way to get the love of everyone around you.

I noticed people seem to like a vivacious personality, but it rarely seems like they want to actually sit down with them. It's called the 'networking person'. Sometimes if someone is very sociable people hang out with them in order to be able to meet other people, essentially using that person for their social abilities...Maybe this is just something I have observed and it isn't very accurate at all.

Also, I find that a lot of people ,even the nondisordered, can't very successfully have long term relationships other than a few. It makes me think that maybe my isolation isn't so strange after all, seeing as how most people end up only really knowing the same amount I already know anyway.........