Empathy costs you nothing.

madjoe wrote:

ridingthewtfbus wrote:

madjoe wrote:running does,'t cost annything nether but i still get tired from it and after about 40 k i need a break from it

lol at first I interpreted this as "the HPD running away from his/her problems" and 40k in divorce expenses, because that's exactly what she did to me. She got exactly what she wanted, it didn't cost her a dime, and ultimately landed her a big chunk of our retirement savings along with a fat ongoing paycheck. Sucks for the kids, but I didn't pull the plug so they have no one else to blame but her. The fact that empathy doesn't exist and/or can be simulated was a hard lesson I had to learn about cluster B people. At the very least it made future potential marriages way less attractive.

i don't have empathy i can fake it but i get nothing from it so i get tired of it that's what i ment
(running is my hobby i get a nice endophine and testosterne boost from that)

InSpiritus wrote:that seems to be the opposite can kind to being someone that can bleed for years online? all those emotions and pain? how to do that? explain that to me, the terminal victimhood of it, i am curious to know what is the driver behind that, the motivation is even more strange.

InSpiritus wrote:Are you in therapy?

InSpiritus wrote:Do you have family to support you?

InSpiritus wrote:Understanding your ex won't do you much good , as you may end up attracting another nut job.

Esquire wrote:I think empathy is involuntary, and not an act of will, so to speak. I don't think you can choose to have empathy or not.

Also, I think that there is a distinction between a cognitive type of empathy, where you can understand what another person is feeling on an intellectual level, because you can imagine how you would feel in that situation, and affective empathy, where you actually feel pain in response to the realization that the other person is feeling pain. I have strong cognitive empathy but highly diminished affective empathy.

A simple illustration of this is that if I saw a man choking on a piece of steak at the table next to me, I wouldn't feel anything, even though I'd understand the sense of panic that this man must be feeling, and the terror and fear of loss that he and his wife across the table must be feeling. I'd understand those emotions because I'd feel them too if it were me. But it's not me, so there are no feelings generated as a result. And if I'm being honest here, my concerns at that moment would largely be things like whether this ordeal was going to delay me getting my bill, etc.

Empathy definitely benefits the species as a whole, because it provides a motivator for one to act and save the fellow choking on his steak. But you can't really blame someone for not having some switch in their brain that releases this feeling at the appropriate times. That person, provided they have cognitive empathy and understand the situation, can still choose to act out of strong character, even if there isn't a feeling motivating them to do so. Spock from Star Trek would probably act in that situation, even though he wouldn't feel anything either. I guess what I'm saying is that you can't make a choice as to how you feel, but you can choose what you do.

As far as empathy having a cost, it does have a cost to the individual feeling it, as often times it will lead them to make a decision against their interest. They probably don't lose much when saving the guy choking on the steak, but someone with strong empathy might also continue to return to a bad relationship because of the empathy they feel for their partner. Empathy in that case makes the person feeling it remain unhappy. Sometimes what's good for the overall species is worse for the individual.