Empathy costs you nothing.

by **xdude** » Fri Sep 05, 2014 1:50 pm

Inspired by InSpiritus' recent post -

While I have my own opinions, I am curious what others think.

Do you think empathy is something that costs nothing? that it comes naturally? that it requires an effort? that it is learned? unlearned? are there benefits to being empathetic? are there costs to being empathetic? Other ways of looking at it?

I don't know.I just don't wanna have it,I guess.It definitely would cost me something,not sure what exactly.
I think a bit of it comes naturally to me though.Like,sometimes someone gets something I don't or show they are better than me somehow and they are happy and emotion reaches me,but then almost automatically I start thinking about what it means for me and I lose positive feelings.I don't want that to ever change.

by **InSpiritus** » Fri Sep 05, 2014 3:49 pm

Hmm...why does it reflect in any manner back to you? Is it emotional or cognitive?

by **xdude** » Fri Sep 05, 2014 4:01 pm

InSpiritus wrote:Hmm...why does it reflect in any manner back to you? Is it emotional or cognitive?

Some more thoughts on this later, but I get the sense that:

On the BPD<->HPD side of the cluster B scale, somethings that happen between people (or just random life events) are taken on a personal level, emotional, where on the NPD<->AsPD side of the scale, the same things are taken more intellectually, just-the-facts, neutral, life-happens, etc. But I could be wrong too

by **Bovary** » Fri Sep 05, 2014 4:05 pm

Hmm...why does it reflect in any manner back to you? Is it emotional or cognitive?

No idea.I think my emotions change.They just change to make me more competitive.
And I often try to rationalize being nice or I try to do something not so nice after I've impulsively been too nice and people-pleasing for no reason.I guess I feel like I just can't be soooo naturally good to pull off being a nice person.Like,I feel like I'm naturally pretty generous,more so than most people,but I simply became materialistic and anti-generous because of fear that I can't give enough and the more I give the more people expect.

by **xdude** » Fri Sep 05, 2014 4:11 pm

Bovary wrote:
Hmm...why does it reflect in any manner back to you? Is it emotional or cognitive?

No idea.I think my emotions change.They just change to make me more competitive.
And I often try to rationalize being nice or I try to do something not so nice after I've impulsively been too nice and people-pleasing for no reason.I guess I feel like I just can't be soooo naturally good to pull off being a nice person.Like,I feel like I'm naturally pretty generous,more so than most people,but I simply became materialistic and anti-generous because of fear that I can't give enough and the more I give the more people expect.

It may be true of (successful vs delusional) NPD types too. If they have a lot to offer, at least financially, and do for approval, but get too close? and the biggest fear is that others just want them for what they are doing for others.

by **InSpiritus** » Fri Sep 05, 2014 4:13 pm

Xdude,

Good point. Just the facts, neutral for the most part, but....depends....goes on the old scale of probabilities and potentials. 9/10 x could care less, but the 1/10 I want to drive the point home hard. :twisted:

Generally, Karma does 99% of the 1/10 of the work anyways and I just stand back and enjoy the show.

Bovary, is that also not tied into boundaries? As well as the concept of reciprocity? Balance?

by **xdude** » Fri Sep 05, 2014 4:16 pm

InSpiritus wrote:... 9/10 x could care less, but the 1/10 I want to drive the point home hard. ...

Understood, and ... hard topic but if it brings some insights, all good

by **InSpiritus** » Fri Sep 05, 2014 4:25 pm

Cagey one aren't you? :wink:

Assumptions are dangerous things, and digging deeper and looking at the intent....?
Such a mystery...or not.

by **username2013** » Fri Sep 05, 2014 4:26 pm

xdude wrote:Inspired by InSpiritus' recent post -

While I have my own opinions, I am curious what others think.

Do you think empathy is something that costs nothing? that it comes naturally? that it requires an effort? that it is learned? unlearned? are there benefits to being empathetic? are there costs to being empathetic? Other ways of looking at it?

I struggle with empathy and relating to others. It is minimal and even then mostly suppressed.

My psych and I were talking about it, that perhaps it's due to how I learned to relate to others because of how my own mother related to me (she's a narc). She said that empathy can be learned, but I think one must first learn to have empathy for themselves. How you learn to relate to yourself affects how you can relate to others I think.

But I have NPD and HPD traits along with my BPD dx, so, that probably speaks for itself.

Empathy costs you nothing.

Empathy costs you nothing.

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