Curious about HPD

First - I wanted to say that I have called to schedule an appointment with a Psych (not sure if it's an ologist or an iatrist, lol) but I came across this forum and thought I'd pop in and ask a few questions from other people who know/suffer from the disorder.

After having an (almost) nervous breakdown at work last week, I quit my fourth job this year due to stress, etc. and decided it was time I actually talked to someone about my problem (after being nagged about it for quite some time from my mom, grandparents and fiance).

I started looking up some anxiety/stress disorders and took a few "screening" test/quiz things online just to see what the stuff would say.... and I got overwhelming results for the possibility of HPD...

Of course, then, when I read the symptoms and things to my fiance and my mom - the few that I could have sworn up and down weren't like me at all - were the ones that they both were like "Oh my god, Erica - it's you." o.O

So.. anyway - some background.

I'm 22 years old (will be 23 in March). I am generally the center of attention wherever I go... I interrupt people, talk really loud so they'll listen, etc. This works fine around my own family and friends, however - I hate going to my fiance's family's house, or to visit any of his friends because generally, I'm not able to get the attention that I want out of them. Which then puts me in a crappy mood, and I'm usually bugging him after about 45 minutes or so to go home.

I can easily admit to the fact that I'm manipulative. I know exactly how to get my way from every one that's close to me, and I do so without even thinking about it half the time. I've learned what buttons need to be pushed, what tools and phrases to use, etc. in order to make sure I get what I want. And I always have a fallback on my grandparents - because they generally spoil me anyway. So if I can't manage to convince my mom, fiance, or anyone else to give me what I want - I know that I can just call up my granparents, and I'll get it anyway.

After bringing up the possibility of having HPD with my fiance, I actually admitted to several lies that I've told him, his family, his friends, and just about everyone else that I know who didn't know me when I was a kid. I live my lies and falsehoods, mostly because they're things that I wish I would have done, but didn't. I tell everyone that I was in ballet until I broke my ankle when I was 17, when in reality - I quit ballet when I was 8 because I got bored with it. I've told people that I had a twin brother that died various deaths (people that know me in real life generally are told that he was dead when he was born, people online get told that he was in a car accident when we were 16). I've told everyone that I was in the hospital for several weeks when I had pneumonia (I really did have pneumonia, but I was never hospitalized). I tell everyone that I was in the Marching Band in High School though I quit in Middle School. That my grades were stellar and the only reason I quit school was because I couldn't understand Algebra 2, when in reality - by the time I got to my senior year, I had already pretty much given up and didn't manage to pass anything the first semester (I quit early second semester).

So yes, I'm a bit of a pathological liar. And I've created the stories and fantasies to the point that I've started to believe them myself. They come out of my mouth without even thinking about it. They aren't big things.... but they're things that make me feel better about myself, and they're things that I think would impress people/make them like me more.

I've always been impressionable and easy going... which is something my mom hated when I was a younger teenager. My likes, my style, etc would always change to mimic whatever guy I happened to be with at the time.

And I've never had a boyfriend that I didn't want to marry. Even within days of meeting - I'm always the first to jump into the "I love you" thing. Though once the relationships become slightly stagnant, they get boring to me, and I come up with a reason to leave (or a reason to push them away to the point that they leave me).

I've had 16 jobs in the past 6 years (since I was 16) and only 2 of them have lasted longer than 3 months. 9 of the 16 have only been 3 - 5 week excursions. I'm all over having a job at first, but by the time I realize that I can no longer spend my days doing exactly what I want, stay up as late as I want, etc - I come up with some excuse as to why I absolutely hate the job (or make myself sick) in order to get out of it.

Whilst arguing with my fiance last week about quitting most recent job, I had called him to tell him that I was planning on leaving, hoping to get his support. Of course - due to finances, support was not coming, and he told me "I don't even know why you call me, you're going to do what you want anyway" and I simply (and coldly ) responded with "You're right. I am going to do exactly what I want, I just wanted you to tell me it was okay and maybe feel the slightest bit sorry for me so I wouldn't feel so bad about it".

While I don't dress provocotively to be noticed in a sexual way - I definitely go out of my way to wear things "not normal" to bring attention to myself.

And as far as provocotiveness and promiscuity - I've managed to have sex by the second date with every boyfriend I've ever had. (and have readily admitted that if it took longer than 2 weeks to get a man in bed, I'd leave him) And while I tend to be faithful to my partners, I'm always up for a menage-et-trois or anything else a bit out of the ordinary in the bedroom.

My moods change with the blink of an eye - and often for no reason at all. One minute, I'm all happy and fine, and the next minute my feelings are hurt, I'm bawling on the floor and I'm ready to crawl in a hole and disappear for the rest of my life.

Obviously most of this stuff isn't normal. And it's driving me nuts (as if I'm not nuts already). But I can't control it. I do it without even thinking. It just.... happens. And that's what tends to cause me so much stress in the long run.

I know that my fiance and I are going through a really tough spot right now, and I can't imagine what would happen to me if he left me. Yet, it's not that I do this stuff to purposely aggrivate him and make him mad at me. I don't want him to be mad at me. I hate it when people are upset with me.

Soooo... there you have it. Erica Jean in a nutshell. I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions, and maybe some things that might help me?

If you are concerned consult a doctor.
Don't freak yourself out too much.
There could be a million different things causing your behaviour and reactions. The least of which may be the fact that some of what you have described seems like typical 22 yr.old behaviour. Good luck!