Help me protect myself?

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Holy mackerel! Well..she sounds if not disordered- damn toxic ..and you sound like a great woman-smart and a cute login name--wanna come to California and marry me? (i'm female tho) but ..really she sounds really awful.

There was that movie..w/er..Fonda and whatserface..the roommate-dyed her hair killed her boyfriend..etc. Was it SWF? I don't know..but anyways....just move to the US..no um...well she sounds VERY demanding and possessive and volatile. Be careful and maybe slowly drop back. Boy..I feel your pain though..because she sounds like the type to do a character assassination. But if you read through....these folks will deny and project -so it's a lost cause to try and gently help her.
Maybe if a few of her pals got together ..and did a kinda "intervention" ..oh..man..that sounds bad. How about an anonymous letter to her house ? A book I got that KontrollerX suggested is Emotional Vampires. Maybe send it anonymously and mark pages that are of special intersest. ?
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take care- this forum helped me w/understanding and giving compassionate tough love and farewells to my ex g/f.
-- : ) peace-

Advice has to be something that the person receiving it is likely to find conscionable. One should never give advice that would be contrary to the conscience of the person receiving it.

The lady in question certainly seems to have HPD. Why not suggest that she visits this forum?

She is either a higher level Borderline or a Histrionic.

The reason why she doesn't seem to remember how she behaved in the past is because she cannot recognize or acknowledge that the person of one experience is the same as the person of another experience. Therefore she hated you at one point but now sees you as her best friend as if you were a different person from the hated one. Neither feeling has anything to do with the other they do not come into conflict.

My advice would be to confront her in an empathic way about her hurtful behavior and tell her she needs to change if she wants to continue the friendship. If she refuses then the best thing would be to end it.

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After far too much to drink last Friday she told me that she had been unfaithful to her boyfriend on no less than 4 occasions with 4 different men, one of which was one of his friends, and very recently.

She tried to say 'what's wrong with meeeeeee? that I jeopardise my relationship like this? why do I hurt myself?' and turn it into a conversation all about her, when all I could think about is the poor guy - what exactly has he done to deserve that?!! I totally empathise with the BF.

this is fairly typical, if not indicitive, behaviour of those with high level hpd (which i sumise has many characteristics of sociopathy). sociopath being---an individual who is lacking empathy, exceedingly manipulative and consciouslessness. in a recent medical study i read it said that the reason female sociopaths are rarely discussed is because most if not all of the focus is on male subjects and therefore female sociopaths are ignored in the studies.

they continued to say that female's differ from males biologically, etc. so, a female sociopath will generally come across differently. males will come across as more aloof and manipulative but females will use their neediness in combination with their manipulativeness. example: more pitiful, sorrowful, poor-me, wah, wah wah! while in the meantime she is cheating on her boyfriend with four different (that you know of, there are probably a lot more!!!) men! this is how histrionics behave. unless they put a conscious effort together to stop they are basically cheating machines. but, they cover it up so well with their false, harmless exteriors.

the hpd i had feelings for pulled all the same moves on me. i felt bad because i thought all of her boyfriend's had been mean to her, etc. but, now that all of the pieces fit i see it was her cheating on ALL of them, not the other way around. another thing i read is that sociopaths like to move around in their inner circle. hence, a male sociopath will sleep with his best friend's sister. or an hpd sociopath will sleep with her boyfriend's friend. it gives her control and power and also lets her, thru the interactions with the forbidden sexual partner, co-opt part of the other person. be careful that she doesn't start sleeping with your friend's. if you say she is trying to be like you she may attempt to sleep with one of your friend's. this will make her feel, in her mind., that she is even more like you.

I'm not even going to disprove you or say your wrong or argue. I just want to ADD to what you said, its importent to point out the among sociopaths and psychopaths each can be broken down into about a dozen different personality types spicific to sociopathy/psychopathy and even further into organized and disorganized personality types....so male or female, they dont come off as any spicific way. There all unique and come in many different flavors.

Otherwise i concur.