being ignored is a HPD's worst dream..and it happened to me

As some of you know I have been involved with the ***hole for last nine months or so...it has basically been about sex and mostly oral sex for him.

I dont really like this guy because afterall he is a total jerk to me, but I have been in it for the conquest, the challenge and the excitment....but it has broken me....truly.

the other day he said that he wanted me to buy him a "suit". I asked what I would get for that and he said he would surprise me...so three days later he comes over and sexes me on the kitchen counter....and then sends me a txt reminding me of his suit size. Can you believe this?? HE is playing ME? It crushed me....when I told him that I didnt have the suit he BLUNTLY informed me via txt that he is "done" with me and to forget everything.

Since that time, one week, I have OBSESSED about this and how to get him back....what did i do wrong?? I have sent him NUMEROUS txt msgs pleading that i will buy him the suit and that I am sorry I let HIM down. WTF????? something is seriously wrong me.

My therapist says that he is just as narcissistic as I am histrionic and that we are two-peas-in-a-pod so to speak.

Being ignored is the worse thing that could happen to me.

Ahahaha you have got to be the most hilariously troubled HPDer on the forum mylife.

Ahh well I'm sure you'll figure out some sort of strategy to get the upper hand eventually.

KX -

What is hilarious about this??? He treated me like a "trick" and a "hoe".... he crushed me.... and said HE IS DONE with me....

What can I do to fix this? I am powerless.....

If you know of any of his close friends you could try to get involved with one of them, flaunt this in front of his face and act like he never existed to you.

Guranteed to get you under his skin.

Also I suppose what was hilarious was the emoticon you used and the dramatic way you told the story. No offense.

KX -

I forget how naturally dramatic I am....it made me cry today when my therapist told me that he is just glad to see that I am still alive every two weeks when I have a session...and he meant it. I think I am going to get killed one day. And I am serious.

As far as this boy-toy thing goes....well he is treating me like I am a prostitute...no kissing, no hugging, no closeness. granted he is a narcissist so I am sure he is protecting himself from what he sees and knows is FIRE around me. The problem lies in that I CANNOT seem to let this go...even though he is SUPERFICIALLY hurting me by not validating my presence. I mean I have been in a BAD MOOD for almost a year over this punk and yet I cannot seem to move on.

I think I have it figured out - maybe...what do you think: He has a girlfriend and has told me many times that he is afraid of losing control and that he needs a lot of "space". Lately he has been calling me a lot more and coming around A LOT more....much much more than in the past....BUT he is now being really mean to me...like the closer he gets to me the meaner he gets....when we are face to face he is nice and kind....then he leaves and sends me some insult or demand via txt..he has always been cold but not mean or demanding....I wonder if he is secretly feeling guilty about cheating or perhaps feeling too close to me so he tries to push me away by being mean....like maybe if he is just an asshole I will go away which means no more guilt for him and also no more threat that I could leave him or hurt him in return.....like he has TOTAL CONTROL over this situation by being an ass and acting like he does not care at all if I live or die tomorrow.

I just wonder if this is the problem....not that it solves anything but I am just trying to figure out why he suddenly is responsive to me, sees me more and yet is meaner and pushes me away. Like if he asks me for something than he didnt really have sex with me - its like we completed a "deal" which is actually what he has called it....cuz we have been sexing for a long time but the deal part is new and it only happened when we started seeing each other more frequently and talking more.

It is hard for me to believe that after one year, and all the drama I have put him through that he is not more invested than what he portrays.....no oral sex is worth that much...especially when he can get it anywhere (he is a community activist, well known in the community, wealthy, very good looking, educated etc)......

Could this "deal thing" be accurate? that he is doing it to put me in my place within his mind so that he doesnt feel anything about me or about what he is doing??? I think it kinda makes sense....and as I said, he is a narcissist, so god forbid he act interested in more than a screw.

Also, I dont see him around anywhere so no flaunting is possible. My therapist said that if i MUST play this game (which he advises I run from) then I need to be less available...not interested...and more aloof about this guy....that will make him want me more.

This guy sure sounds like a Narcissist.

The reason he sends you mean text msgs. after spending a nice time with you is because he is self activating and beginning to be real in those interactions. This threatens his Narcissistic facade so he puts you down in order to keep it in place.
He continues to stick around because you're giving him what he wants which is Narcissitic supply.

I bet if you stop stroking his inflated ego by letting him be the one controlling things treating you like a sex object and complying with his wishes he'll be done with you.

You cannot let him go because having him around defends against you feeling abandoned and also self activating in the relationship.

Okay, so WHY can he not say these things to my face??? why wait until he leaves and THEN send me the demanding and demeaning text??? Why not say it to me directly???

I think I am summing him correctly in thinking he is a narcissist. I going to provide a few details and you all can help me out maybe.

- emotionally distant - after five minutes of trying to get answers about his feelings, he reports he is exhausted from the questioning and needs to leave.

- told me he does not get emotions involved in things - he thinks with his head not heart

-married once with kids, but divorced. States that he didnt marry for love and he would never marry again - will not say anything about the marriage or divorce

-dresses very nicely - talks about how he used to design suits albeit he works in nonprofit now
(???)

-ignores most of my attempts to see him, be with him, touch him

-when I dont call for two-three weeks he calls wanting to see me
but almost never responds when I do the asking

-never compliments me or says anything nice to me - never has

-says things like "I will see you if I can c*m in your face"

-recently started asking for gifts basically in exchange for sex

-is 'relatively' nice in person, but mean via text

-seems to be totally uninterested in anything about me, how i live, what I do, etc....

-could care less how I am feeling about anything

-threatens to end things with me when I do not comply with his requests for gifts

-has a sense of extreme entitlment - like his sex should be enough for me

-has a girlfriend but obviously is not faithful

-cold, detached, and emotionless

-states that he does not need or want anything from anyone - that he can take care of himself - but then asks for gifts

-cocky attitude, like he is better than everyone else....

-seems to dislike and demean all past occupations

-told me that he never pursues any woman

-said that he sits around and thinks about "wordly" things and rarely thinks about sex or women

-is extremely private and will not talk about anything to with personal issues

-admitted that in college he would sleep with women for money

-said that he used to have sex "just to see if he could get them to"

-on first date said, "you will never figure me out" - acts mysterious

That is just the tip of the iceberg...i think he MUST be narcissistic and very defended...what do you think?

Yep he's a Narcissist. I suspect the reason he demeans past occupations is because he's had a pattern of problems with his employers who didn't put up with his controlling Narcissistic behavior which deeply wounded his ego and like a Narcissist he blames them and puts them down in order to feel better. The rest of what your describing like detachment lack of empathy Narcissism self entitlement grandiose fantasies need for total control are all typical.

He would rather txt you and be mean and demanding ie Narcissistic and grandiose than do it upfront because that gives him the control you can't respond and wound him like a face to face confrontation would. He's always trying to keep the Narcissistic facade on center stage that's what drives his behavior.

Jayson -

You are correct I think....he doesnt want to have a conversation about it, rather just tell me quickly and boldly....its funny though I started to respond to his recent request for a suit after a somewhat nice encounter between us....whenI responded via text and said I forgot, he txt me back saying "Just f*** it. Im done with this and I am turning my phone off"....that was three days ago, I havent heard from him since that time.

The hardest part is that my HPD ways want to please him so that he will in return like me and give me the attention I so CRAVE from him. I actually cant stand him. He is a total jerk but it does not seem to stop my conquest to win this....I WILL buy him what he wants and that is what is stupid....I plan to call him in about one week if I havent heard from him and tell him that I got his suit so that I can see him again.

And as far as the jobs go...you are correct...I know he was "laid off" from one job which he talks horrible about...and his most recent job he quickly proclaims that he never wants to have anything to do with that organization again!! And of course, he now has a new job that he LOVES and "it pays double".