being ignored is a HPD's worst dream..and it happened to me

God I got played again...After an hour I sent him a txt that said, "saw you called, whats up?..." and of course he didnt respond. Back to being pissed again......

Hmmm maybe make a set time table before you ever respond to the guy again mylife.

Have a month of no contact where you don't talk to him no matter what he does.

After that only talk to him if he calls and you're there to answer the phone so it doesn't put you in a position of having to call him.

mylife: As long as he thinks your willing to collude with his grandiose and narcissistic image he'll keep calling and wanting you around. However If you stop and start turning the tables on him forget it he'll discard you and move on.

Mylife, your counsellor is right- you need to drop this right now. This is not about winning one more victory over another person or defeating someone who seems to be a narcissist. This is actually more about defeating the weakness in yourself and finding the strength to change self hurting thoughts and behaviours. This is about finding long term happiness. What you need- is to be happy with someone who actually cares about you. Giving and receiving happiness and love.

Look at this as yet another opportunity to break out of the cycle of mistrust and patterns of thought and action and thought that will harm you as much as it does others.

The one conquest you really must make is over yourself.

To all the others who are normally helpful but are now egging you on or atleast not telling you to stop, I am surprised at why they must do this.

In this contest there are no winners- only losers. Giving in to the urge to settle into the same pattern is not going to help you any. Conquest of or victory over this person is going to feel good for a very short time- but it will delay your finding happiness. Put yourself and your long term needs and happiness first and stop hurting yourself.

Well, nothing like the dragon's voice of reason to suddenly put the kibosh on a great discussion!
mylife, what I don't get is why you would set yourself up for such humiliation and degradation. Just so you can say one day that you bested someone at their own game? Who would you brag about it to? Your longterm bf? Your male fan club?
Prostitutes do for money for what you are doing for free - some with a greater amount of regard for their clients, too. Deep down you must despise this man.
You're basically in the position of a whore who is offering to pay a man to agree to be given sexual favours.
Good thing you're not doing this to keep a roof over your head.

what I don't get is why you would set yourself up for such humiliation and degradation. Just so you can say one day that you bested someone at their own game?

juswunderin...i am not an hpd so i don't know truly 100% if anything i have said in regards to hpd on this forum is true. i can only sumise what i believe to be true from what i have read and what i have experienced with the three hpd's i have known/know in my life...two were purely platonic and one i developed strong feelings for. it is so, so easy for them to attract men that they simply get bored very easily. they are constantly searching for new ways to get that high. just like a drug addict or alcoholic has to up the ante to get that same feeling. or the way we (who have fallen for an hpd) keep trying to get back that original feeling they once gave us.

normal guys eventually bore them. wimpy guys are great to be able to control for a while (they love control) but then that gets boring too. the strong silent type counteracts their extreme extroversion but then they eventually reason (in their own minds) that he, who they thought was mysterious, is really just quiet and not that exciting at all...so then they dump him too. then they bounce around all, or, most of their exes, like ping pong balls trying to reignite/recapture the original feeling that they provided. but then they are able to eventually re-conquer them (that bores her) so she tries to move on again.

i remember once one of my platonic hpd friends invited me out for coffee so she could cry to me about how she had made a mistake in leaving her husband for a new guy who was controlling her. it is not until much later after i myself had developed feelings for an hpd and did some research that i discovered personality disorders and then it was obvious to me that she was an hpd and he was most likely a heavy duty npd/aspd.

she cried to me in desperation. but she was unable to leave him. she explained to me that he had been everything she had ever wanted in the beginning and then he slowly started to pull it all away and she spent the rest of the time constantly trying to get back the man she had met in the beginning. he would do the same thing as mylife's npd. if she wanted to go to the store she had to give him oral sex before she was able to go. but although she cried to me in desperation she seemed to also love it because her entire personality seemed to be designed to seek out the creepiest partner she could find. sick as it is...this man was 'an ultimate' partner to her.

but, she got him back in the end. i can see now in hindsight what she did. she finally pursuaded him to marry her (she had been begging him for years) and then she coldly dumped him.

neither of them will ever recover from each other. they are both disturbed former versions of their former selves. it's written all over their faces. they were once the drop dead gorgeous couple that everybody envied. but they allowed their disorders take over thier lives and now they are damaged goods.

i said earlier that hpd's always triumph in the end. i do not know if this is 100% true. but i think it is. in the end they leave the relationship with the npd or aspd. they may be permanently emotionally battered, bruised and broken but they do eventually leave and the npd or aspd is the one left more scarred because he loses complete control over the hpd. they say there is no revenge like the revenge of a woman scorned. imagine how angry hpd's are at themselves for allowing a man to degrade them for years. they probably tally up every wrong and wait to pounce and get back their revenge or better yet...what is left of their self-esteem. they only have to do one thing to succeed in this endeavour and that is leave him!!!

i think the hpd searches for this man 'the saviour' but once he conquers her she hates herself and him for it and spends the rest of the relationship waiting for the moment when she can get revenge for all of his degrading/cruel/inhuman behaviour. then after she leaves him she probably spends the rest of her life wondering why she wasted so much of her time (and her precious youth) with a man that was simpy 'a human form of the devil' and she ends up hating him even more.

it really is a sad way of life for these women. unless they consciously seek out ways to change their behaviours they unfortunately will end up servicing and symbolically handing over their hearts and souls on a silver platter to the cruelest men society creates. the only other alternative is to accept the fact that sometimes life can be boring and that accepting that and choosing to ignore excitment (no matter what the cost) is the safer alternative.

so, in my opinion i don't think it is so they can one up someone. i think it is because they litearlly can't stop themselves from pursuing these monster's...these men who really don't deserve to have any woman (hpd or not) even look in their direction...

Great conversation....and the truth hurts... I know in ways I am a prostitute, but since I doing it for the game aspect, it is justifible in my mind...

As far the boring thing goes, yes this is SOOO true. In therapy my therapist keeps telling me I need to learn how to enjoy the mundane things in life, the simple things. He talks about how I am unable to appreciate little bits of fun. Most people can go to lunch with a friend and have a good time. I can too, but NOTHING compares to chasing a man or having sexual encounters with someone I am pursuing. It is like having to relearn how to live and enjoy life. It is like I am unable to live just an average life like most folks...I need thrills, excitement, drama and adventure. The thought of having a 'normal' life with a 'normal' man SCARES me to death because I think I would get terribly depressed with no chase or game. I dont want to come home at 5:00 and do the same routine. I need constant change....constant excitement.

Since my NPD-sex toy KNOWS I am gamey - much like a predator - I dont feel the shame in the acts...Or at least I try to block it out. I think deep-down he KNOWS that he is sicker than me and I really think that he does 'like' me in some way which is why he degrades me after being someone nice. I guess I label all behaviors, both mine and his, and this again allows me to continue with this behavior.

I know that I would like someone to love me without this, but those who have are always disregarded swiftly....For example my current boyfriend took about five years to 'tie down'. He was gamey too, and he ran around with other girls. I did everything in my power to win him - and eventually i did. Now I have this seemingly nice man that is VERY devoted to me and I dont want to be bothered by him. I DREAD hanging out with him, sleeping with him or talking with him. I would MUCH rather be entangled in some adventure with the NPD guy that I have been talking to. But I CANNOT let my man go for whatever reason. I just keep stringing him alone that I will one day marry him and live with him again....when I know in reality that I could NEVER do it because I would be MISERABLE.....WHY???? Becuase I never really liked him to begin with - it was a challenge that I needed to win.

My therapist says I am like a dog chasing a car. Once I chase the car and catch it I dont know what to do with it. This is my life.

And do I resent and despise the NPD-guy who is treating me like a prostitute??? HELL YEAH! I cant stand him....but I would never let him know that. I continue to meet his demands and requests and NEVER talk out of line with him. But deep down I see him as pathetic, insecure, and disgusting really. I could almost say I hate him, and have since day one, which is exactly WHY I cannot leave him alone.

I dont wish this life on anyone. Being HPD sucks really, the only thing I have ever really loved is my daughter. And lucky for me I am 'high functioning' and she is well taken care of. My disorder has never gotten in the way of my career or friendships - just relationships with men.....Which is why sometimes my therapist says that I am mild HPD because I do have great female relationships....but when I read my posts here I do not see someone MILD at all. If I was reading this about someone else I would think they were pathetic, insecure, desperate women - which is really what I am.

Great conversation....and the truth hurts... I know in ways I am a prostitute, but since I doing it for the game aspect, it is justifible in my mind...

As far the boring thing goes, yes this is SOOO true. In therapy my therapist keeps telling me I need to learn how to enjoy the mundane things in life, the simple things. He talks about how I am unable to appreciate little bits of fun. Most people can go to lunch with a friend and have a good time. I can too, but NOTHING compares to chasing a man or having sexual encounters with someone I am pursuing. It is like having to relearn how to live and enjoy life. It is like I am unable to live just an average life like most folks...I need thrills, excitement, drama and adventure. The thought of having a 'normal' life with a 'normal' man SCARES me to death because I think I would get terribly depressed with no chase or game. I dont want to come home at 5:00 and do the same routine. I need constant change....constant excitement.

Since my NPD-sex toy KNOWS I am gamey - much like a predator - I dont feel the shame in the acts...Or at least I try to block it out. I think deep-down he KNOWS that he is sicker than me and I really think that he does 'like' me in some way which is why he degrades me after being someone nice. I guess I label all behaviors, both mine and his, and this again allows me to continue with this behavior.

I know that I would like someone to love me without this, but those who have are always disregarded swiftly....For example my current boyfriend took about five years to 'tie down'. He was gamey too, and he ran around with other girls. I did everything in my power to win him - and eventually i did. Now I have this seemingly nice man that is VERY devoted to me and I dont want to be bothered by him. I DREAD hanging out with him, sleeping with him or talking with him. I would MUCH rather be entangled in some adventure with the NPD guy that I have been talking to. But I CANNOT let my man go for whatever reason. I just keep stringing him alone that I will one day marry him and live with him again....when I know in reality that I could NEVER do it because I would be MISERABLE.....WHY???? Becuase I never really liked him to begin with - it was a challenge that I needed to win.

My therapist says I am like a dog chasing a car. Once I chase the car and catch it I dont know what to do with it. This is my life.

And do I resent and despise the NPD-guy who is treating me like a prostitute??? HELL YEAH! I cant stand him....but I would never let him know that. I continue to meet his demands and requests and NEVER talk out of line with him. But deep down I see him as pathetic, insecure, and disgusting really. I could almost say I hate him, and have since day one, which is exactly WHY I cannot leave him alone.

I dont wish this life on anyone. Being HPD sucks really, the only thing I have ever really loved is my daughter. And lucky for me I am 'high functioning' and she is well taken care of. My disorder has never gotten in the way of my career or friendships - just relationships with men.....Which is why sometimes my therapist says that I am mild HPD because I do have great female relationships....but when I read my posts here I do not see someone MILD at all. If I was reading this about someone else I would think they were pathetic, insecure, desperate women - which is really what I am.

interesting indeed mylife.
Speaking of the title of this thread- ignoring the HPD- I wonder your thoughts on this -
I am fighting the urge to write to my ex back again-an hpd woman(well i surmise she's at least mildly hpd with other cluster b things) i wrote a final goodbye one week ago Sunday with a friend or 2 helping me to stop this madness, took control and wrote that evening that I don't want to meet her and I realize I must stop any communication w/her isince it's not enabling me to move on and meet an available person to love -etc and I wish her the very best and i know at heart she has good intentions and i hope she finds what she's looking for.

She replied the next day with a 'sorry i've been ill (AGAIN) and had a fever, wasn't at work' --.but meant to call you..but now you've changed your mind already. (TOO BAD I GUESS FOR ME -that's kinda how i took that comment). SHe also said- 'sorry for any pain you've experienced by knowing me, (KINDA ODD?) and she said she's sad I have to make this choice to not communicate since she hoped to get to know me as a friend(after a year of my pouring out my heart/soul she doesn't know me it seems!!) !
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so now a week went by and my birthday passed(on which last year she dumped me the 1st time) and now I'm so tempted to write her back and say- OK if you want to be a 'friend' then 1st hear me out...then give her a quick summary of what I was hoping for and the bad treatment she gave me--etc. I want to say-well after all that- and if you still would like to be my friend you will have to make the effort and initiate things. I am done pursuing you and demand respect. If you'd like to show me how valuable a friend I am then I will accept that and i wouldn't set you up here just to hurt you or reject you back.

--

My friends- one of whom is a therepist says DO NOT WRITE HER AGAIN-ever! maybe in 6months! She says by writing her you will give all the power back to her. And she won't 'get' what I'm saying about her being mean or self absorbed anyways.

ME- I am like-but but but..what if she needs me? and how can she just get away with being a bitch-and not get called on it? doesn't someone need to demand good treatment ? Is not writing her the best way to call her on her sh*t? Damn it..if I only had the balls to say it while it was happening-but at that time i still hoped that I could 'change her' - or prove my solid stance and she'd crack open and be 'normal'
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any advice mylife?
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This thought was really spawned by this other quiestion-since I was reminded by your comment about having fabulous female relationships. I assume that my ex thinks that too about herself but I see her friends as an assembly of odd folks that she controls really.
Either they don't know her well(see her once a month for a few hours here and there) one is kinda slow in the head..like..dull -witted- and ones like a little codependen slave. others are likely the male co-workers who are married fellows that get a little cock-teasing from her most likely.
I bet she thinks she gets on great with everyone and everyone wants her-since isn't that an HPD trait? to assume relationships are better than they really are? So, have you ever asked your girl pals how they feel about you really? Are they 'nice' people? Have you ever asked them if you could do anything to make the frienship better? Are you really honest wiht them?
-- thanks- [/b]

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