Sex & Disgust

Does any of you has this? This feeling that you have to overcome some degree of disgust

a) when you sense sexual arousal with your bf / date

b) before the actual act

c) afterwards

d) always when you meet people

I have this every and each time although when I'm alone I keep on fanticising about sex and longing for it very much. In my dreams it's always cozy and romantic but it is always a disappointment in real life.
I have been acting all the time while having sex but cannot get pleasure except for masturbation.

Hi Posh,

You might want to look into the difference between cerebral or somatic Narcissistic types.

Here is some info:
http://samvak.tripod.com/journal21.html

nom0re wrote:Hi Posh,

You might want to look into the difference between cerebral or somatic Narcissistic types.

Here is some info:
http://samvak.tripod.com/journal21.html

Sam Vaknin is not even a bachelor at psychology. Dont take his work seriously. If you follow his logic, all disorders are narcissistic personality disorder.


My schizotypal answers

a) when you sense sexual arousal with your bf / date

No.

b) before the actual act

Yes. I fear that it may become something serious. That triggers fear of engulfment. It is not related to sex, but with intimacy. A prostitute wont trigger that.

c) afterwards

No.

d) always when you meet people

No.

creative_nothing wrote:

b) before the actual act

Yes. I fear that it may become something serious. That triggers fear of engulfment. It is not related to sex, but with intimacy. A prostitute wont trigger that.

haha! I've never been with a prostitute but I bet this is true!

I actually don't fear intimacy but I don't think myself beautiful enough and fear of not being really desired - I always doubted any declarations of affection, appreciation etc. in every guy I had.

And that makes me reject the guys because I feel angry or sad when we are together cos I think they are lying and acting.

I act as well but I think that this is just my reaction to the perceived injury.

PoshBird wrote:I actually don't fear intimacy but I don't think myself beautiful enough and fear of not being really desired - I always doubted any declarations of affection, appreciation etc. in every guy I had.

And that makes me reject the guys because I feel angry or sad when we are together cos I think they are lying and acting.

Projection due to insecurity. You have to love yourself babe

PoshBird wrote:I actually don't fear intimacy but I don't think myself beautiful enough and fear of not being really desired - I always doubted any declarations of affection, appreciation etc. in every guy I had.

Oh sweetheart, you are beautiful. And this is true.

PoshBird wrote:I actually don't fear intimacy but I don't think myself beautiful enough and fear of not being really desired - I always doubted any declarations of affection, appreciation etc. in every guy I had.

But guys value appearance, and if you've had many guys, how can it be that you are not desired?

well, I never had legions of men falling for me so it upset me.

I never was the prom queen for start. I had boys wanting to date me in school but they never were the super cool ones so I ignored them.

Them at uni I was so cute actually but so full of complexes and totally closed so I only attracted my profs (one of them actually confessed that he thought me beautiful but they never did anything with me). I was too shy to propose anything sexual with them.

Then I had some men dating me but they also dated others when I refused to have sex with them cos I was too scared or found them too cold or too ugly - they kept coming back but they were not really emotional or so I FELT.

Then I met this married man who thinks that I seduced him but it's not true - I just happen to be his patient and he started to undress me and I let him do cos he was quite charming.

I don't have men chasing me especially not anymore since they are taken and I don't like going out - I also don't like to flirt because I am very critical and see people's imperfections. I am also very choosy (too much) so they prefer to take some young foreign bride.

In total I maybe had about 10 men who had been dating me/were intimate with me and since I am quite uptight some more who made efforts so maybe altogether 20 people who were interested.

I am so shy that I have problems with seeing signals from men and they don't come up chatting me up and I don't go out or drink so it's tough.

If I see someone showing interest I stiffen and would rather go than stay unless I sense that he is very kind and lovely but they never are - just cocky and stupid and rather ugly.

I also don't like to small talk but deep intellectual discussions cos I am super clever and speak a dozen languages and have really above avarage knowledge of things so it's upsets me that girls whom I see as inferior have more appeal.

So I figured out it must be my looks (and now my age 30+).

Any ideas what I could change?

A lot of guys are intimidated by attractive women so a number count isn't all there is to it. You can't read too much into what happened at school because we aren't even fully developed yet, and a lot of girls that were only decent become total bombshells in adulthood.

You already seem to have the answers. Your 30s aren't your 20s, most people that age have already settled down, so the pool of potential mates is a lot smaller. It sounds like you aren't looking in the right places. Have you tried dating sites?

If you've had success in seduction I'm inclined to believe appearance isn't your issue. The best thing to do is go out with a friend and get some feedback on how you come across as to other people.