Anyone ever had this happen?

I can't tell you how many disagreements my ex and i would have that started out feeling like a normal disagreement that quickly escalated into her raging and calling me crazy. I pretty much always was left standing there going, wtf just happened here.

Basically it would go something like this, genrally when i would question her about somethign and ask her a direct question:

Me (in a normal tone of voice): Well, if you said you were going to call at such and such hour then why didn't you?

Her(voice raised): There's that smart ass attitude you always have!

Me(same tone): What smart ass attitude. I was just asking a question.Lets talk about it.

Her(louder): OH MY GOD!! YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT!!!

Me(feeling puzzled): No, i really don't. Why don't you calm down and let's talk about it, I'm just asking a question.

Her(yelling): Quit yelling at me!!! This is the $#%^ I am talking about!! You are crazy. F*** you!!

At this point I am about ready to put her head through the wall and she winds up hanging up on me if we are on the phone or leaving if we are together. This is almost always the case when i am questioning her about her actions or things she is doing has done in general. She starts spinning it around like i am the ass and calling me crazy. Basically to avoid any direct questions. But it is crazy to me that she says i am screaming at her when i am clearly speaking in a normal tone. But when i ask her to stop yelling she tells me to f*** off. Also any conversations that have any meaning ot them have always taken place over text message. I find that odd. she prefers resolving problems, flirting, all that stuff via text. I told her i think that is childish and of course she would get pissed. Anyhoo, any of this sound familiar to anyone?

The reason she loses her temper when you ask her for the reasons for her actions is that she does not know herself, and is too scared to look inwards to find out. She is terrified of introspection.

i had that with my mother and with an ex.

She did a lot of projection to you clearly.

Projection is putting off whats inside of one's self or what one is really doing onto another as a form of cleansing oneself of guilt/responsibility/bad feeling for a bad action/behaviour.

You were talking in the normal voice yet she told you to stop yelling even though it was her doing the yelling.

This is crazymaking and projection of HPD's and BPD's.

What happened here is that when you confronted her to be honest and direct that meant to her activating her real self her real feelings about the issue that was being discussed which she could not do because that would of led to her experiencing her underlying crazy feelings of being a bad #######5 person. She then went into abusive defence mode and MASSIVELY projected these feelings on to you acussing you of being crazy and making you feel like a really bad and #######5 person. It's a dissociated replay of the abusive interactions she had with mommy. Only the roles were reversed she was her abusive mother and you were her as a very young child.

i had the same things going on in discussions and hence tried to avoid discussing later at all ... how can you have a relationship with someone who can´t discuss ... it´s so against any normal perception of interpersonal communication.

the text message thing was also the same, `solving`of problems, (most of the) flirting via texting ... then trying to call her, she´s not answering the phone, pretending to sleep or silly excuses like "i´m having lunch/dinner right now/i´m in the middle of something" ... she really treated me like an object.

Masterson (and others) stresses mother's role until age 3 and father's role from3 to adolescence in the emergence ofpersonality. Mothers may influence pd by avoiding their crucial role by not being there, or by over-protectiveness. So, mothers' over-nurturing, protectiveness also leads to pds.
They do not necessarily need to be evil for the daughters to emerge evil.

warun I disagree. Masterson clearly states in his books that in his practice he finds fathers are unavailable and distant an do not contribute much to the upbringining of the infant and young child. This continues into adolescence so that the development of personality disorders is due to the Mother's behavior. Masterson is very careful to use non threatening words to describe the mother's abuse and neglect probably because he doeasn't want to offend sensitive readers. Ask any recovered Borderline who is being honest and see what they say about how "overprotective" and "nurturing" their mothers were. They'll say they were neither more like profoundly neglectful and emotionally abusive and used them to fill up their void not caring about their needs.

When people with personality disorders in his practice begin to recover they become aware of the murderous rage they have had all their lives toward their mothers and remember times as children when they fantasized REALLY killing them or wished them dead. These were times when they were fully aware of their profound neglect and abuse and wanted to get revenge for what their mothers had inflicted on them. Most people with PD's will say the complete oppossite but then again their lives are filled with people who they have badly hurt and rejected all because they wanted to get close to them. No one is calling PD mothers evil that's a religous term and I'm not religous at all nor do I beleive in any God. They're human beings just like myself only more psychologically dysfunctional because of their upbringing.

Ask any recovered Borderline who is being honest and see what they say about how "overprotective" and "nurturing" their mothers were. They'll say they were neither more like profoundly neglectful and emotionally abusive and used them to fill up their void not caring about their needs.

J...sorry i'm not quite sure exactly what you mean here. are you saying that overprotective mothers can cause pd as well?

No not at all more like engulfing and using the child to make them feel better and becoming very abusive and neglectful when the child does not comply.