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Hey hey! New HPD girl & Not sure I should laugh or cry

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Hey hey! New HPD girl & Not sure I should laugh or cry

Postby Krankill » Wed Jul 02, 2014 3:26 pm

Hi guys,
Hope you are well. I'm Nicky from Australia. My head is telling me I'm an idiot to jump on a forum, but secretly I've been stalking them on and off for years hoping to find "the answer". So I've been diagnosed with HPD today. Initially, anger, shock, "I CBF dealing with this now too" .. type scenario. But I've chilled a bit since my appointment and have spent hours reading up on it. YEP .... the diagnosis and criteria pretty much sum me up to a tea. But I'm angry ....We're you guys angry too?? I am 35 years old and been seeing shrinks since i was 14. HOW has this not been picked up all this time? 14 yrs anorexia, 17 years anxiety, 18 yrs agoraphobia and phobias in general. welcome my 20's with drug and alcohol addiction. Rehab for year when i turned 30. Im now 4 years clean and sober and each year has got emotionally worse for me, when all the other addicts in recovery around me have been getting better. I guess drugs and alcohol was how i coped with it???? do you think???? My depression got so bad recently that i was sent to see few different psycs and they all came back telling me it was caused from underlying HPD. So i guess Im just putting feelers out there as I don't really understand. And I feel really deficient now. (This is about me not you so please don't take that personally.) Like how did you come to ACCEPT you personality disorder? And, despite all the horrible stuff I have read up n about HPD .. IS IT TREATABLE AND WILL IT GET BETTER??????? Hmmmmmmm. Would love to hear your thoughts and tips or anything and everything about it. Take it Easy, Nicky
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Re: Hey hey! New HPD girl & Not sure I should laugh or cry

Postby xdude » Wed Jul 02, 2014 11:10 pm

Hey Krankill,

It may help to think about it more in terms of unresolved or unaddressed self-esteem issues; the HPD part being just a coping mechanism, a means to an ends.

As you wrote, yes alcohol is one way of coping. Another way is to bury one's deeper feelings in behaviors, thinking and feeling patterns. In the case of HPD, a common way the coping mechanism can be expressed is by drowning oneself in attention from others, because the validation feels good, but also by keeping the level of that turned up it's a way to avoid feeling what's below the surface when alone. Sort of like keeping the volume of the radio turned up to max to drown out other thoughts/feelings.

Anyway, yes people can/do get better, but it takes time, a want to get better, and usually the help of a therapist.

Regards,

xdude
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Re: Hey hey! New HPD girl & Not sure I should laugh or cry

Postby aloneinthewild » Thu Oct 30, 2014 6:51 am

Hi Nicky, how have you been doing since your diagnosis? HPD has been suggested to me twice in the last month or so, which (along with some dramatic stupid actions on my part) are causing me to consider it strongly. It is an emotional time. I am 31, female, and use drugs and alcohol frequently. (is it really worth considering going to rehab for? The idea of giving up wine is alarming) This forum is giving me a place to put all my mixed up feelings into reality somewhere, but I'm upset and sad and terrified of living a lonely lonely life ahead of me if I'm not able to change. What have you been experiencing since you posted this in July? Just curious.
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