HPD Frequently Answered Questions

Hi,

i believe my wife, of 10 weeks, is HPD.

is it normal for a HPD to have 'mental snaps' where the partner is blocked out?

and i mean completelly, all of a sudden the person is devoid of emotion towards the partner, no love , no want to touch or be close, nothing at all. accept anger and bad emotions. if you want, you can get an incredible rise instantly.

the damage and drain is constant as u try and make things better never stops though.

i find myself lost and not sure of the next move.

every thing that is wrong is my fault, and some of the things i am at fault for, are so obviously her passing the blame onto me.

but u dare not say that, as it is just me trying to not accapt my responsibilty,

i just have no idea what to do.

any guidance would be most appreciated.

might want to post this under it's topic.

I am not sure if this is the proper place to post this, Apologies if not. I will make this as short as possible.

I am not sure what I have went through over the past several months, I did research it online but would appreciate any opinions.
I met a woman In June of 2010 and we seem to hit it off rather well. Between June2010 and Sept 2010 she had broke up with me 2 times.
I called her my GF one time and the next time I seen her she said you know that GF term lets not use that then she said my daughter keeps asking if your my BF and I tell her no just a friend.
on another occasion where she got angry over something small and told me to leave her house.
She just seemed perfect in the beginning and then when we hit some bumps in the road she just took off like I meant nothing to her.


We always ended up back together, She was always into make up and told me how lucky I was to be with someone as beautiful as her. I found that to be a little strange. She was always looking for meaning in everything, Gifts most of all.
She would always tell me "you don't compliment me enough" or "you don't tell me I am pretty enough"
She never apologized for anything, and when we broke up she toyed with my emotions horribly.
She broke up with me and was with someone else in just days.

I begged pleaded everything to get her back, And she would keep giving me false hope and i would bite only to be smacked down over and over like 5 times. She even called me once and said she was having doubts about what she was doing and told the new guy that she did not know if she wanted to keep dating him and said i dont know if you would even see me again.

then i texted her a few times the next day and she called me later that night. And said you know all these texts am I gonna have to block you. I was so confused.

Then she told me no more contact and I have done my part but she keeps breaking contact with me
there are so many more things like her getting really angry at such petty things.
She actually got angry with me because I was on vacation and there was a ice storm back home that I did not know about and I did not ask if she made it to work ok. when I said I did not know she said that I should have.


These are just some of the things that happened to me
Does this sound like Histrionic traits to you or is it something else
thanks for your opinion

I agree with the other poster who is upset at how yall make HPD SUFFERERS look. I have HPD & I DO have empathy. Lots of it! I also feel shamed and severely unhappy at this diagnosis so to prove and confirm what I think people will already feel about me makes me even more depressed. I am not a monster. I SUFFER from a mental DISABILITY like anyone else who SUFFERS from one. We can't really help how we act because as yall already know, there's not much treatment besides therapy that's available. Maybe try being a little more empathetic yourselves? Just sayin... It's kind of prejudice to catorgorize everyone with HPD as a non-empathetic, insensitive, cruel monster. We're human too...

Hello everyone,

I don't know where to start, but joined tonight and was reading what living with me was like for my non-husband in the non room and feel so hopeless and a bit confused as to what to do? We have been married for 9 years and he became physically and mentally abusive because he says he was in such pain and frustration over my ignorance of my disorder. I was misdiagnosed with BPD until recenly and had intense CBT training for about 1 1/2 years, this really helped me deal with my changing and heightened emotions, my self harm and my self hate, it has been 3 years and through these 3 years I have felt good and on top of things at differnt times only to be told I am not doing well and down I would fall and work hard to pick myself up and forget about the verbal diaharea he would spill and forget that he threatened me or actually did reach out and smack me one, but it was justified because it was in response to my disorder? I left him about 2 months ago and I would like to have a healthy relationship, he says he will never let himself go to those bad places with me again because he has learned why they happened and now I need to sort myself out because he has sorted himself out in the past month or so. I feel utterly tired and empty, I feel I am okay, only to be told I am not. I recognize I have HPD and will have to fight my whole life to not play the games that we want to naturally play, and I accept I am human and will sometimes fall, but if I make myself vulnerable and open then that will lead to understanding and forgiveness. He keeps telling me I am not aware, I am lying and fooling myself and then I read these posts from non's saying to run away and really just don't know what to think or do? Do I end it with him because he feels I am 100% unaware, even though I believe I am pretty aware? But then does that mean I am being selfish and playing games? Do I keep doing what I'm doing and reading, looking at myself with open eyes and fight my natural insticts only to be yelled at that I am failing? What do you think a healthy response would be? I don't know whether I am coming or going wit him, I dig deep into m heart and write out a letter detailing where I believe I failed as a partner and even that causes him to get upset saying it is only words and what am I going to do to change the behaviour? Well from reading there isn't much I can do outside of reading and relying on myself to learn to change? Are there specific therapist that specialize in HPD? I'm almost 40 and allot of my old patterns are dissapearing as I get older, I think because our relationship became so toxic and filled with abuse and yes I accept I mentaly and emotionally abused him to, that perhaps there is too much water? I get so frustrated at times because on most things I am truely not aware and he will point that out and get upset that I am not, I do try with all that is in me to act in healthy ways, but he says I am not and I just feel so utterly lost and spent most of my marriage in absolute confusion, but struggling so hard to understand because I love him, don't want to hurt him or anyone for that matter and want only healthy interactions. I hope I haven't jumped around to much and I appreciate you taking the time to read this. Any advice you can give would be so helpful.

Thank you,
Rose

Is anything HPD women do genuine? Was is all a lie or were there a genuine desire for a relationship that was just sabotaged by the disorder?

Whats the difference between a BPD and HPD? Can you be diagnosed with both?

Hello Heidi

Welcome to the HPD forum.

In my opinion, HPD seems like a more refined version of BPD. Like BPD's, HPD's get depressed, dissociate, and often have suffered some sort of significant psychological trauma as children, but beyond that, HPD behavior also seems to be the result of some sort of childhood training, in which the child was rewarded for being something than she (or he) fundamentally wasn't. Essentially the child acted out some theme that was appealing to the parents, other adult caretakers, or sometimes the entire family - in the process often reducing some kind of potentially disruptive tension within the family - and hence holding it together. Or, the child alone thought that the acting would bring her love from one or both parents. HPD's are often considered physically attractive, which in and of itself primes them for being utilized as child actors for the various needs of dysfunctional adults.

There have been several members on the HPD forum who said they have been DX'd with both BPD and HPD. In general, it seems to me like HPD has a strong (genetic?) connection to BPD, probably stronger than to NPD, and almost certainly stronger than to AsPD.

A researcher named Millon has described a subtype of HPD: Tempestuous, in which the affected person is prone to BPD-like emotional lability - outbursts...perhaps the 'blame storms' and other persecutory rants that some BPD folks have had to experience. So maybe Tempestuous HPD is a cross between HPD and BPD (?)

But although we like cautious, intelligent discussions about such matters, this is still only speculation. Professional psychotherapists and others trained in Personality Disorders see many, many disordered folks in the course of their careers. That is why we at PF always recommend that a person not diagnose themselves or others, and instead let a trained and competent professional give a person a final opinion of what's going on.

Beside the great folks you can interact with here (some of whom might be BPD X HPD), there is also the BPD forum, which can provide you with more information by those affected by BPD.

So again, welcome

Best,
orion