How exactly should I or would I feel sorry for you?

Hmmm, are they really showing interest or appearing to? Are they really seeking help, or is the forum just a good source of already primed supply?

Undt alzo...

Placing myself in her shoes (which I can do, having empathy), the last thing I want is to visit a forum where everybody's going to unload on me and tell me how terrible a person I am. Freshly wounded victims aren't the most receptive audience ya know...
Finally, speaking as a freshly wounded victim myself, the last thing I want to deal with is another HPD. (No offense, Digital. I value your perspective...just that I no longer want the act and certainly don't go looking for it).
No, the idea that they're just 'cruising for chicks', as it were, just doesn't add up.

If you google HPD and try to find an HPD you will be hard-pressed to find many...they dont exist. But BPD forums are everywhere! I could go to a BPD forum but they dont have the same issues, or at least on the same level as I do.

I come on here for advice and to vent. I am trying to recover, but its hard...like any problem in life, HPD is a tough habit to kick, sotospeak...

I also think that I have given good advice and insight to people who are trying to deal with or get over a HPD.

What is wrong with us getting reassurance and validation? Everyone needs that and deserves that....we might as well get it somewhere that people understand that we "crazy". Imagine if I asked for dating advice on a "regular" dating board??? They wouldnt have a CLUE what to say to me....

I do feel sorry for victims of HPD. I can say that personally, I have NEVER wanted to hurt anyone - EVER. Most of my actions are deeply concealed so that I do NOT hurt anyone - yes, I know I am hurting them even with what they dont know - but I dont mean to. I have issues - BIG ONES.

Also, as a HPD, it is helpful to know that we are not alone. Listening to others stories helps me identify and also recover from my own stuff. It is beneficial for me to read about how HPD's hurt people, because it helps me reevaluate my own messed up actions and inflicted pain on others.

What is wrong with us getting reassurance and validation? Everyone needs that and deserves that....

No, not everyone "needs" that. You do, but the rest of us can get by without it.
When we don't get it, we may feel under-appreciated and lonely, but we still feel okay about ourselves.
When you don't get it, you feel worthless.

What's wrong with it is this: It's interfering with your ability to have a normal life. Of course, you recognize that, which is why you're here

gnange wrote:

It gives me some reassurance that this was not all my responsibilty, but also partially my HPD's.

I'll pass on a bit of wisdom from my therapist (you are seeing a therapist, right?)...

One of the main tools employed in keeping a victim engaged is guilt.

And another from the same source:
You're the one with the problem. You're still treating her like she has empathy.