Boredom

I'm bored. is that common for HPD ppl?
Plus to those who have been disgnosed with a PD, how did you get ur diagnosis? Counseling?

is there something relating severe HPD to anxiety that I should know?

lost,

What I kinda find odd is that you and other HPDs can admit all your stuff, you can see it..and know it sucks..yet not get it straight with people in you daily lives. Do you have a friend who you think is intelligent or would empathize and help you? Do you really want help or is it kinda scary to start trying..since you may fail or not like what you find?

If the HPD I was involved with (I believe she's really got a mix of several disorders) but if she came to me and genuinely said..I am so effed up..bla bla bla....I would gladly listen and help her find the help she needs. She has excellent benefits at work..however she's of course smarter than any of her dr's....and isn't being pushed to fix her crap.

If you live in an area that has a suicide prevention line..- I'm certain they would have info on 'free' counseling. Have you ever considered a Church? Many have a bad impression but many church attendees are very understanding and compassionate people.

I believe there is a closely related spiritual issue w/disorders of the mind...even tho it may be at base a physical chemical imbalance/electrical imbalance. I don't think a person w/no spiritual grounding can ever humble themselves enough to face up and grow up. Come on ..just do it! think of all those folks that have life and death situations every day....like ethiopians, rwandans, iraquis....----

Yeah HPD has sometimes been called a kind of solution to the problem of anxiety.

"What I kinda find odd is that you and other HPDs can admit all your stuff, you can see it..and know it sucks..yet not get it straight with people in you daily lives."

Not all HPD's are like the ones on this forum.

Many are trapped in deep denial of their problems as to admit what they do, have done to themselves and have done to people in their past would create a crushing horrible pain for them so they deny to prevent this pain from coming in all at once.

The problem for them is running away through drugs, alcohol, sex and other distractions only creates more problems for themselves.

While other HPD's are so caught up in the dramatics of their condition they have no time to even think about their effects on other people.

"Do you have a friend who you think is intelligent or would empathize and help you? Do you really want help or is it kinda scary to start trying..since you may fail or not like what you find?"

A good question. Most HPD's have at least one trusted friend with avoidant personality disorder or something else that gives them low self esteem and the HPD is genuine friends with this person as she uses him or her as a confidant to tell all her deep dark secrets to and to help relieve some of the pressures of being an HPD.

"I believe there is a closely related spiritual issue w/disorders of the mind...even tho it may be at base a physical chemical imbalance/electrical imbalance. I don't think a person w/no spiritual grounding can ever humble themselves enough to face up and grow up."

I definitely respect your opinion but mine is that spiritual grounding has nothing to do with PD's. Though I am certain if an HPDer can find comfort and stability in religious beliefs or in something else that will be encouraging that can always help in his or her recovery.

For instance I am proof positive that no gods or spiritual belief is needed to get past horrible life crisises.

I have recovered from losing my father and grandmother to cancer and right after those terrible events I was victimized by my HPD. Certainly I still feel sadness here and there over all of this but indeed it is possible to recover from horrible life events and life conditions with no religious or god belief center.

Belief in self and help from others works just fine too.

Just my two cents as an atheist.

*gasps* kontrollerX is an atheist too! ahhh!

What I kinda find odd is that you and other HPDs can admit all your stuff, you can see it..and know it sucks..yet not get it straight with people in you daily lives. Do you have a friend who you think is intelligent or would empathize and help you? Do you really want help or is it kinda scary to start trying..since you may fail or not like what you find?

i told my mom today, inorder to get help: she said maybe when i'm in college (senior h.s.) You don't...um; it's difficult to be completely candid after being manipulative and secretive for so long. (there are some secrets I HAD to keep as a kid) i have one great friend i know, but I'm still not candid with her or with anyone, i always find away to avoid it or i'll miss the right moment. see, when i finally disclose this information i want it to be 'no holds barred,' every evil thought, deed, everything. i am waiting for a chance to tell everything to an impartial, professional psychologist. listen, i can't tell my friend how little i value her, see her as a pawn, and all of the evil and unsympathetic ways i think. she would think me evil and never look at me the same way again. she would be so struck by my opposite side, so blind-sighted, it would just rock her world and she wouldn't know who to trust. she's emotionally fragile enough as it is. i don't like telling ppl how little they mean to me and how i use them uncaringly...and they try to expect some kind of genuine sympathy?! can't u understand that?

If you live in an area that has a suicide prevention line..- I'm certain they would have info on 'free' counseling. Have you ever considered a Church? Many have a bad impression but many church attendees are very understanding and compassionate people.

I actually went to a Church associated therapist once. It was stupid and associating the church with therapy is a bad idea. I mean everyone should live life with their morals, don't get me wrong. I am from a "family" of devout Catholics. The problem is when i went in i wanted to talk about my personality disorders and the hell, havoc, and confusin in my mind. But instead of letting me talk and listening; this "therapist" told me to list my friends; asked whether they did drugs or had sex; asked me which ones probly had a bad influence on me; then she gave me a small test which only taught me that my type of personality is Inspiring. What good did that do??? She just wanted to take my personal inventory on sinning (none of her buis.) and assumed the only reason i could be there in counseling was because i had bad friends.
No letting me talk...just preaching and casting blame. i was like screw that! (pardon my french) and have not gone back

My personality disorder is constant and i cannot change it. yes, it influences me to do some evil things...but only when i stop the PD will the need to do them go away. I still have a relationship with God; and God was not the cause of this whole mess. You need to view it as a state of mind that due to something repressed and important; is stagnant and unwilling to change.

Come on ..just do it!

I can't just give up my ENTIRE sense of self and start over. I don't even know how that is done?!!! "Humble myself!" you ppl here just don't understand do u? (i'm not mad at you just the ?) I want to make this very clear to all non-HPD ppl who seem to not be able to comprehend.

I HAVE NO SENSE OF SELF. OUTSIDE OF MY HPD/NPD/ASPD (cluster B!) ...IS EMPTYNESS! You are simply asking me to cling onto that which does not exist. I did not choose this as some kind of defense mechanism which is what you ppl seem to believe. It is my entirety of self. I want it to change but it won't so Deal With It!!!

sorry about that...i haven't been getting a lot of feedback/attention recently ugh.

Only have a moment, but wanted to say that BOREDOM and ANXIETY are my two biggest demons. If I am bored then I am anxious....When I am "into something" I am not bored or anxious. Sucks really. And I am a mental health therapist....slowly working out my issues. But I am basically always bored when I am not having attention from a man....When I am in an actual relationship I have uncontrollable anxiety because I am not "conquering" anything which usually contains the anxiety.

Relationship that is conquered = extreme anxiety
No attention from males = total boredom

Its really a lose-lose situation.