From emotional to physical

"I'm still confused by the definition that HPD's are shallow and emotionless. I get why people see us as shallow. I don't understand the emotionless bit. Must talk to shrink!"

Well this answer is really simple and has been all over the forum.

Quite simply victims come to view HPD's as emotionless or at least emotionally cold because they build a person up and you get the sense you and this person are more in love than anyone on earth and you being a natural human being believe that if someone acts like they love you then they must love you.

Only a severe paranoid case, an ASPD (who usually are paranoid personality disorder sufferers as well btw) or 80 year old billionaire would suspect some young beautiful girl of having a sinister hidden agenda for why she is acting so in love.

Well anyway of course once we fall for the game the HPD withdraws and ends the relationship and we immediately think of her as a pathetic piece of lying garbage who manipulated us for some sick thrill of hers because well we don't know that she isn't a normal girl but an HPD doing this as part of her pathological behaviour and that is the HPD game though being HPD still doesn't excuse one from their harmful actions as HPD's are sane like normal people but have disordered non normal ways of thinking and interacting.

So many of us normals chase the HPD after she ends it telling her we really love her but she just brushes that aside and acts like we never existed to her at all and laughs in front of our faces with mutual friends or her new victim like we aren't even there hence our believing HPD's have very little to no emotions.

She built us up did all that work then we are in love and left holding the pieces of our broken heart and for what we ask?

Why would a person do something like this, something so utterly cruel and all for nothing?

Well HPD is one answer and the second answer is HPD validation and the 3rd answer is HPD lack of empathy which brings us to the fourth answer of why she could do this. The lack of empathy that inability to put herself in our situation and feel how much we truly love her keeps her from identifying with us and feeling this love and she thinks we're not really affected at all so she can do this with an almost clear conscience so thats why we get the idea of an HPD being emotionally bankrupt. The lack of empathy. So answer 3 answered 4.

Anyway...

The truth of things is HPD's do have emotions but only allow themselves to experience their emotions and don't share them with the new man they are involved with to create an emotional bond unless the guy is someone who has managed to figure out the game and win it and thus capture the HPD though the cheating and lying will continue even still if she's severe enough. Severe or not though this bond is shallow as HPD's like BPD's have a hard time giving their hearts to others for fear it will be trampled on. Diseases of emotional intimacy I believe both these disorders are for sure.

So anyway yeah we come to think of HPD's as emotionless at least towards other people because you exhibit all that incredible loving behaviour but then turn it off like a light switch once we fall for it and fall in love and its like you women expect us to be able to do the same. Just turn off our feelings of intense love for you like a light switch too but that is not possible for a normal healthy human being to do.

Well I hope I've explained it well enough noinsight and sorry for any harshness just trying to get the viewpoint across as always.

Oh and one last thing I believe the diagnosis papers describe HPD's as having labile and shallow emotions. Labile means subject to change and in the HPD's case it probably means on a whim as even normal people's emotions are subject to change its just that HPD's emotions change easier and well we all know what shallow means I'm sure.

KontrollerX wrote:"I'm still confused by the definition that HPD's are shallow and emotionless. I get why people see us as shallow. I don't understand the emotionless bit. Must talk to shrink!"

Well this answer is really simple and has been all over the forum.

Quite simply victims come to view HPD's as emotionless or at least emotionally cold because they build a person up and you get the sense you and this person are more in love than anyone on earth and you being a natural human being believe that if someone acts like they love you then they must love you.

Only a severe paranoid case, an ASPD (who usually are paranoid personality disorder sufferers as well btw) or 80 year old billionaire would suspect some young beautiful girl of having a sinister hidden agenda for why she is acting so in love.

:

Wow, that is so true.

It's weird how the way something is worded can make all the difference in the world.

How can you tell if there just stringing you along though, you want to believe them even though your paranoia say's otherwise.

"How can you tell if there just stringing you along though, you want to believe them even though your paranoia say's otherwise."

Thats easy too Jamie.

Your partner proving his or herself over time to you ie most of their actions backing up most of their words as in the most important things they promise or tell you always being followed through on and coming true to what they said wherever and whenever possible is how you even as an ASPD (I think you said you were one or close to being one) can begin to trust a partner.

I word it so that its put in such a way that one's partner doesn't have to be absolutely perfect in following through on what they say they are going to do for you everytime as no one person is perfect.

You really just have to make sure your partner follows through at least 90% of the time on most little things and 100% of the time on big things unless something legitimately comes up like a sick relative or something that prevents them from keeping their big promise to you and this should be freely verified to you as truth to prove they have nothing to hide.

I hope you understood this as its not my best worded post.

Anyway myself and other victims of Cluster B's have reported that we were so in love with what these people said and how they seemed and made us feel with their illusion of the person they supposedly were to us that we ignored their actions not always backing up their words.

Had we only followed this golden relationship rule we could've avoided a ton of pain possibly.

lostHPD wrote:did u love ur mom?

oh god, i am the same way. i was just feeling that residual guilt for all the HPD success i had today...it was a lot, but so many guys look at me with those unsure untrusting eyes....except for the new ones that don't know yet.

but you gotta love the f*cking supply right?

but having a truely cold heart like we do, can feel strange in certain situations. is that what u experience too?

I believe so. Yes I did. Innocent simple childlike love, though. I do definitely feel strange at times. I don't let it bug me, but perhaps that is part of the problem.

Btw, I just remembered I did actually indirectly cry over my mother once. Not because she was gone, but because I was forgetting her. Not really the same though...

"Thanks KX! Yes, this has helped."

Ahh good.

"You have a really thorough understanding of this condition."

So many HPD's have told me.

"I've read a lot of threads here, so I understand your point of view as a "victim". Clearly, you were deeply in love with your 'HPD'."

Indeed I was.

"Do you think the experience has made you biased in your appraisal of all HPD's? I mean, it sounds like you really hate our pretty guts with a passion."

Well I don't hate you or any of the HPD's that post here. As I've explained in past posts when questions like this are brought up my personal belief on things like this is if someone with a disorder harms me I only have hatred for that person not every single person with the same disorder if you get my meaning as though HPD's are all very much alike you are still individuals too and hating all of you just wouldn't make sense for that reason.

I guess I only felt some resentment for HPD's when I first came here as I was hoping the forum would have at least a few I could talk to about my experience and get help from and no HPD was here just me and other victims and an angry thought popped into my mind that you were all cowards like my ex which is why you weren't here sharing your stories but that was clearly not the case. You all just didn't know about the forum and I was just angry at my ex and rightfully so.

Anyway my hatred is directed at others who do people harm so when another victim comes here telling their sorrowful story I establish a common ground with them through our shared pain.

My posts with a hint of anger to them over their victimization I think serve more to comfort the victim than to insult any HPD's reading my posts to the victim.

At least I hope that effect is achieved as it is my intention not to offend any HPD reading it.

After all the HPD's reading my posts to a new victim likely aren't the same HPD that harmed the new victim after all.

Likewise if an HPD came here expressing that he or she had been abused by someone verbally or physically ie beat up or whatever I would express hatred for their attacker as well because once again I don't hate anyone but those who hurt people for whatever reason.

Al Bernstein says HPD's aren't intrinsically evil but their emotional immaturity is fertile grounds for evil to enter in or some such and I'd have to agree with that assessment so I think the key for HPDers as always is to think through every action before you take it and normals simply have to know HPD's better than they know themselves if they want a relationship with an HPD to even begin to approach workability.

"A lot of the conversations here are relating to "how to pay back or manipulate your HPD through understanding of the disorder."

Well sadly the alternative would be for some guy who really loves his HPD to watch her slip away and run off with another guy or get away with humiliating him and I think its ok for all of us to give a person advice on how to be on even ground with the HPD ie fighting fire with fire as it were. As a person who meets an HPD unaware of the condition is very much like a deer in headlights. So awestruck that he doesn't see his downfall is fast approaching. To arm him with knowledge is to put him on even footing with an HPD as even with the knowledge you HPD women have many tricks left for us LOL.

Also about the paying back well I would agree it could be childish or illegal depending on the level of payback we're talking about but then I also agree with the book Emotional Vampires that says if an HPD doesn't learn that there are consequences to every action she's never going to learn anything.

I suppose the only thing I worry about with my advice is I don't want some jackass either male or female to come along and read it and start using whatever I've wrote to help capture and abuse an HPD in whatever way or to borrow lostHPD's more dramatic way of saying it "torture" an HPD.

As my advice is intended simply to help victims recover from their experience or guys or girls just getting involved with an HPD to be able to fight fire with fire and have an edge especially if they really love this HPD as following the advice here is the only thing that is going to get the HPD for them.

Also I don't worry about giving ASPD's any tips for capturing HPD's as they are built for that already lol so I have no guilt over them reading my posts on HPD's.

"I'm not an evil person. I don't come across as some pathetic, screaming, manipulating shrew. I consider that I was the one treated badly by my ASPD boyfriends or partners and that my reactions to the treatment were typically HPD."

Did you treat your normal partners (if you had any) as well as you treated the ASPD's or were you disrespectful and cold when they became naturally loving towards you for your HPD behaviour that invites that to our normal minds?

"Thanks KX, you cleared up all my misconceptions!"

No problem.

"My first serious relationship was with a 'normal' person. He was a local rock star. ha ha."

Haha, yep status and fame attracts an HPD very well. Extra attention by being the girlfriend of....

"I turned 21, married him and had our first child in 1980. He cheated on me when I was pregnant with our second child. As soon as I found out, I felt nothing for him from that moment. I left him and persecuted him for 10 years until I dropped it."

Persecuted as in harassed him or teased him with the idea of getting back together often but never having that come true?

"My next live in relationship was with the lawyer I have mentioned previously. He was a 'norm' and a nice guy. After a year, I hinted at marriage, he hinted 'never'. From that moment I felt nothing for him emotionally and left him. Yes it was easy to treat them both coldly and emotionlessly. I think that I really f*cked the lawyer up. He's seeing a therapist, obviously discussed me and came up with the HPD diagnosis for me. After me, he had a lot of bad
relationships with BPD's. He told me yesterday that I am the "love of his life" and I'm guessing that he found the BPD's in an effort to find another me. But he hasn't. He found a whole lot of psycho b*tches who really were mean to him."

Yeah I definitely think he got PTSD from his experience with you like I did from my HPD and something else that is similar to a thing that sometimes happens to victims of rape where after the experience they seek out dangerous sexual encounters or just many meaningless sexual encounters in general and I think therapists have said doing this is that persons way of regaining control of their body and control over their rape in some way.

So for him to seek out women as close to you as possible is not surprising and yes I felt my ex HPD was the love of my life too and I thought those words about her.

Cluster B does this to normals who haven't given themselves enough self love over the years. Its not actually you women that we loved so strongly but ourselves through you which you were mirroring. We were truly the love of our lives we just didn't know it.

"We have remained friends for more than 20 years. I called upon him constantly for the first 10 years to bail me out when I was in trouble. I stopped doing that and for the past decade we have been good friends."

Well thank you for this. At least you were kinder to this man than my ex was to me. What hurt me more than anything was her not even allowing me to be her friend. I loved her so much that I would of been happy with just that just to have her in my life forever.

"After that, they were all ASPD's and that's when the trouble really began. And yes, I treated them all like GODS."

No doubt there. They are master players in the game of human chess lol.

Also you might want to do some reading on NPD to see if any of your men had that instead of ASPD as there is a razor thin line between these two disorders at times much like there can be for HPD and BPD.