From emotional to physical

Being an HPD, I cannot handle "constructive criticism" at all, in any way shape or form! So when my music teacher was giving me a lesson in which i played a new song, she would correct me along the way. She noticed the strong reactions I had. And I she, being nice, tried to sympathize with me and see it from my view. But then she mentioned how I always said "I don't know" to everything. (something i read was a big trait in HPDs coming from repression and memory gaps) Then she actually said the word histrionic in making a joke. (not at my expense or anything) At this point I broke out into a cold sweat, felt dizzy, and I saw only black. Luckily I sat down before I topplted over. (I have been dealing with this for years.) It is a physical form of repression.

the truth is when i feel emotions strongly and cannot avoid them, I either get dizzy, pass out (a way to attention and help), or feel very tired and go into a deep sleep-then once i wake up i feel like myself again

and in situations where i feel like i am having in emotional breakdown (only 2 to 3 time) I will take nyquil to get to sleep


ps-did u get my pm kontrollerx?

I got the PM and yes indeed "I don't know" is a huge HPD phrase.

really, i didn't know! lol =)

Actually, I don't know if this is normal, or accsociated with one of my two pd's, but when I feel really confronted and angry, I actually get a huge lump in my throat and feel like crying (usually I do). It sucks, because I am not sad, or feeling vulnerable. I am usually angry (very). It makes a respectable arguement near impossible. Luckily this hace forced me to keep my cool in arguements, which has inadvetently made me better at them. But yeah, if I start getting personal, I lose it and start crying. Only when I'm angry. This never happens if I'm feeling how others do when they cry (In which case I can't cry). That also sucks. I can't cry from sadness. Liek when my girlfriend is leaving the country because her visa's expired, and I know I won't see her for at least 6 months or a year. She's crying her head off, and I feel doubly terrible because I can't even express my sadness to the one I love. Instead I have to lie and say that I did when she left (She didn't believe me I love her for that). Another one is my mother, she died when I was 5 years old. I haven't cried a single tear for her. I want to, I feel like doing it, but I can't.

All in all it is most odd. I can't cry when I want to, and I do when I don't.

That's Definitly a PD thing...which I hope KX or somebody can explain.

Whenever I leave someone I think I care about I feel NOTHING. I just don't seem to care when they do. No emotions hit me until I realize that I will never see them again. Then I become depressed Edgar Allan Poe style. Luckily this is far from an everyday experience as I usually don't relate or care about most people. Unfortunately, when I realize I am temporarily with a group of sincere and caring ppl (which i guess most are), I actually 'attempt' to let my guard them by telling them some of my emotions (ones which hit me like a brick wall because I usually avoid them in one way or another)

Yea, I find when other ppl are crying or feeling weak I just feel embarressed for them, and a few times I have had to control laughter in order to not get caught by others in a wildly inappropriate emotion.

But I remember when I used to get really angry crying even though I wasn't sad. I think this is an HPD helpless reaction brought on in order to receive support and nurturing from other (which I actually didn't get when this used to happen to me) Now if I can't avoid anger, I know to leave the room. If I have to feel a (bad) emotion, it will be in private where I will eventually try to repress, sleep, or intellectualize it away.

Heh, I also laugh when others cry. It's involuntary, though. Not at all related to my respect for the individual. Actually...yes it is. I only laugh at those I respect. If a worthless person starts crying I can offer sympathy and all of that.

You are completely right in my opinion, and i have recently had a similar experience where emotions (which i was wondering if i even had anymore) hit me like a brick wall, that's the only way i could describe it to myself. Funny, how it only seems to happen at a random moment when no one else is around?! It's like we've been waiting to do it, though our conscious mind tells us not to and that we don't need it.

Sounds about right. I haven't cried a single tear for my dead mother. She died 15 years ago when I was five. I sometimes faked sadness, to get homework and assignment extensions (It was like a neverending box of sympathy, so much so I grew sick of it), or because I knew I was supposed to. Basically, at first i was too young to understand, then I was too cold to care. I felt incredibly guilty about it for some time, now I have just come to accept that it is too late to grieve. I think this may be the only thing I truly feel (residual) guilt for. Heh, residual guilt, for a lack of guilt, for a lack of care.

did u love ur mom?

oh god, i am the same way. i was just feeling that residual guilt for all the HPD success i had today...it was a lot, but so many guys look at me with those unsure untrusting eyes....except for the new ones that don't know yet.

but you gotta love the f*cking supply right?

but having a truely cold heart like we do, can feel strange in certain situations. is that what u experience too?