the savior

starz wrote:Funny about digitals post.

I was wondering this very thing myself.

Would a male HPD feel the need/want to play the 'knight' perhaps as a way of receiving love and attention that they needed?

Digital, in playing the role of knight - I presume you used manipulative behaviours??

I.e. perhaps making out that certain things or beliefs you had or knowledge/wants etc to fit the bill??

Did you appear completely un-needy when in fact you are needy, secure when insecure??

How far did you go?? And what was the upshot.
What did you get out of it, and, how do you think that this would work out longterm, once the damsel realised that her hero had some serious probs of his own??

Yeah well, I think the 'knight/damsel' system extends beyond NPD. It seems to be more of a social value, possibly an instinctive one too (Though it's practically impossible to discern). As such, you are right to assume that a male NPD would be inclined towards the 'knight' role (I suppose). So, how did it go in my experience...

Well, it depended on the girl. If it was one of my 'little girls' (my nickname for those I had no respect for, used up and tossed away) I generally didn't play the knight role at all (I guess they weren't worth it). For them I usually played 'the-bad-boy-daddy-doesn't-want-you-to-see'. My 'knight in shining armour' only happened when I was genuinely interested in a girl (If I felt she met my standards). As you guessed I would pretend to be the wise, levelled headed, and well grounded saviour. I had sense, percieved honesty, and a (seemingly) good heart. Did this all crumble as she realised I had my own emotional-vices? Generally, no. The fact is that most 'Damsels in distress are too fixated upon whatever is putting them in distress to meticulously analyse their supposed 'white knight'. Instead they use the white knight as some kind of a stress-release, a get-away, if you will. When they are with him, they have no problems, all is gone and the only thing which exists is the two of them. Quite a lovely, innocent kind of love. Also a fantastic role for those who seek unconditional appreciation.

What usually ends up happening is that the problems eventually go away, and suddenly the relationship loses it's simplicity. The girl had an idealised version of her white knight as a wonderful being who could do no wrong, and the white knight actually has to assume the ordinary doldroms of responsibility asscociated with a relationship (especially one as serious as both parties built it up to be). THis is where the relationship plummets back to the cold hard surface of reality and usually shatters upon impact. NPD has little to do with that demise.

The ironic thing about having NPD and using the 'white-knight' cliche, is that you are in effect reversing roles. Usually, girls (especially HPD girls, though mos girls have a bit of HPD in them) will find a foolish man wanting to play 'protector/whitekinght' and use him for his sympathy. They stuff him around (not me, but a friend) and make him pity/love them to ease their stress. When it's all over (or if they are HPD, when he openly loves them) they then toss him away and go for a more attractive, and less 'knd' mate. However, in these circumstances, I've flipped the coin, and I am in fact using them (while they agonise in guilt for using me). I bribe them with insincerity for their NS. One of the longest and mutually beneficial relationship I had was with a girl who suffered HPD. In the end I became a little to convincing and she tossed me away in the way those wth HPD do when they encounter percieved adoration. I got to gloat recently when she came sniveling back (2 years after the breakdown) upon hearing of my long-term happiness with anther girl. 'Twas most satisfying.

Currently I am also playing the white knight. However this time I am doing it with painful sincerity. You see the girl I am doing it for I actually love (and respect, if that was not implied), and is in an actual crisis (as opposed to a BS emotional one). While I thoroughly enjoy playing the part of the white knight, I believe this has more to do with my masculinity (social or instinctive) than my NPD. The main drawback to this situation is that my girlfriend's problem is related to her visa, and that she no longer resides in my country :'( . Most uopsetting, as well as inconvenient. This means that instead of offering symathy, I instead must offer solutions. Much harder. I'm rambling.

Anyway, I am sure you would have gotten the gist of it if you read all of that crap.

lostHPD wrote:many HPDs cannot afford therapy
who can? 100+ dollars for 1 hour session
(i'm beginning to believe free clinics don't exist)

I hear that meditation calms the hpd person so that emotional ups and downs are less frequent. losthpd, you might wanna give it a try.

i think you're onto something
and i have had experiences like that when i have tried before, just haven't made it part of my schedule
it will at least relieve some symptoms until i can get rid of this HPD

As a layman, I believe that (short of actual theraphy) one can also benefit from various confidence and motivation building methods marketed on the net and elsewhere. Most are supposed to be useful vis-a-vis panic and anxiety attacks, but could also -- I assume -- help the hpd symptoms.

I find learning from mistakes combined with an objectivity sequence most helpful.

I have this thing called 'the green room' I made it up myself, and it is an imaginary space in the back of my head where I go to gain objectivity. Inside this 'green room is a table with an open shoebox on it. If you look into the shoebox I can see a diorama of the room I am standing in, with all the people active inside. It is like 'playing' reality from 3rd person perspective. I can also rewind, and look at past situations, or 'zoom out' and view my life (or individual aspoects therefo)as a series of events.

This was most useful in overcoming my arguementative aggression problems (Man I used to be vicious, I just used to lash out, not physically, and destroy people. Even friends, sometimes by accident). However I have also found it great as a way of gradually modifying destructive tendancies I have. I have mostly overcome the worst aspects of my HPD/NPD before it was diagnosed using this method.

The trick is to make a pattern of reminding yourself to do it even when you don't need it. That way, you're more likely to remember when you do. Otherwise you just won't use it until after the damage has been done. Just do it. It is the closest thing you can do to watching yourself on camera, sometimes you feel stupid for how foolish or unreasonable you are acting. Soon you will be more restrained, and thus a more likable human being. Give it a shot.

i will and thanks
I sense I have hurt the confidence level in my family members because of the nasy, vicious, and hurtful things I have said it's not cool

See thats the hing, even if we have little or no regard for others feelings we still have an innate sense of what is 'not cool' as handed to us by society via our value system. As such, it's easy enough to know what is and isn't 'right', we just don't feel as beholden to it as others. If you can control how closely you orbit this social truth, you are actually at a marked advantage to the rest of society. Kind of like an accidental ubermench (I don't know the exact spelling, but I am referring to the ultimate human of Nietzche's design).

I'm into philosophy and have read about Nietzche, Descates, Kant, Plato, Socrates, , etc. you name it. And I'm convinced that Nietzche was one of the quacks who was onto something until he veered off into his "God is dead", mentality. What happened with him was his father was a pastor of some kind and he had a very religious backround. Then when he had a horrible breaking away from his family and left for college he became, in my opinion, massively depressed; believeing that the pain he felt from the family betrayal or whatever was so horrible, and he was so sooo depressed he could not see any goodness in the world. He could see no good and no God. Kind of like Edgar Allan Poe after EVERYONE he ever loved died of TB.

But if you admire Nietzche/or agree with him, whatever, so much, then you should know that he believes in God. To propose that God is dead, one would have to believe that he existed in the first place.

And in believing that God had in fact died, he of course lived out a miserably confused life (much like an HPD), eventually becoming insane and dying in a mental institution. =(

It is my understanding that Nietzche's famous phrase "God is Dead" was not meant as an angered insult at the deity father figure worshipped in so many religions but a commentary on what he saw as society no longer being as deeply effected by the spiritual side of things as in he saw religion and god belief no longer having a genuine effect on all people like in the past rather in the world he observed people who worshipped and went to church were moreso going through the motions than actually believing and following their god's commands.

A sort of societal go along to get along mindset rather than true belief.

very true

but i also think that in the fact that he could see no good...well it is a reflection of a depressed state of mind

i know i could see no good when I left my camp that was full or Narcissistic suppliers...didn't want to eat and couldn't feel that anything was good or worth a thought

just big-time sadness at a sense of a loss for the only thing that made me happy-but that's what i've been dealing with: gotta find something else to make meh happy i guess