the savior

This question is going out to advanced ppl educated on HPD or ppl who are overcoming it. So, the hpd's savior character. This "knight in shining armor", life-saver, immaculate type hero. The HPD will never find this hero because they can devalue anyone, even the most hero-like individuals. Am I correct in assuming this?

ps- it sucks that ppl are trying to get back at Hpd's by making them feel like a small person in a big world, sub-standard, or uglyt in comparison to other ppl. When you push the HPD into their true fears and into a deep, persistent depression, you are only insuring that the disorder will never go away. So in doing this you are actually supporting HPD in our world. Because then, they will just need all of the attention and whatnot they needed before, but to a greater more elevated level. someone needs to have a heart! be a hero!

"This question is going out to advanced ppl educated on HPD or ppl who are overcoming it. So, the hpd's savior character. This "knight in shining armor", life-saver, immaculate type hero. The HPD will never find this hero because they can devalue anyone, even the most hero-like individuals. Am I correct in assuming this?"

Well there are two types of HPD.

The most dangerous kind to themselves and others being the disingenuous anti social type of HPD.

And

The appeasing passive aggressive HPD type.

It is my belief that the most severe type of HPD that being the disingenuous anti social type of HPD will usually only devalue her hero if she senses he has fallen deeply in love with her.

A severe HPD cannot tolerate this for some reason and they begin to think of ways to end the relationship either for a while or for good so the devaluation phase kicks in. That is their solution.

What brings the HPD back to wanting the guy in the cases where she wants him again is usually if the guy can seem to move on right away and is seen by her with another new beautiful woman.

She devalued him and ended the relationship and had validation a thing which HPD's love that she had made the right decision because her feelings for him had changed when he fell for her game and loved her too much.

His moving on invalidates her belief that he is now worthless because clearly another woman did not think so and also the guy being able to move on quickly makes her believe she wasn't all that great after all as he would be busy mourning her loss if she meant as much to him as she believes she did so an emotional storm starts in the HPD about how to correct this and at first she gets jealous, then she plots ways to get the guy back with her who has now gained back his worth in her eyes because another woman saw worth in him who she previously viewed in a way as her property alone to be discarded or picked up at her leisure and for no one else to touch regardless but when someone does she realizes that she never owned him and once again she wants to validate her beliefs that he is hers, she is loved by him etc, etc so the game begins again of her trying to get him back.

Sometimes an HPD succeeds in this and sometimes she doesn't.

The relationship a second go round only lasts if the guy has wised up to her game and constantly keeps her chasing him for more.

Now I used love as an example here but really I've been informed by other HPD's that it can also be a sense that an HPD has conquered a man that makes her lose interest for a while or forever.

"ps- it sucks that ppl are trying to get back at Hpd's by making them feel like a small person in a big world, sub-standard, or uglyt in comparison to other ppl."

Well as part of their disorder HPD's do many ugly things to people as the result of it.

They must be called out on this and taught better ways of being towards people as the HPD diagnosis is no excuse for the bad behaviour.

It is an explanation for sure but not a pass for treating people like garbage and of the BPD's I've known and HPD's I've talked to indepth they've informed me that this lesson I've learned from psychologists is absolutely correct.

No they didn't ask for their HPD the same as none of us have asked to be born but it is their responsibility to deal with it.

Even the ones who cannot be cured by treatment can still be a little less hurtful if they stop to think through some of their actions.

A great leader once said this...

"If you cannot do good, at least do no harm."

I think HPD's and all people are capable of following that rule.

"When you push the HPD into their true fears and into a deep, persistent depression, you are only insuring that the disorder will never go away."

The disorder will never have a chance of going away without therapy.

Also to not push an HPD into depression the main person the HPD is targeting will have to put up with cheating and lying and not dump the HPD for this and I don't know any good person who will put up with such behaviour who isn't blinded by love or possible mental problems of their own that make them as dependant upon abusive behaviour as the HPD is dependant upon them for attention and love and validation.

"So in doing this you are actually supporting HPD in our world. Because then, they will just need all of the attention and whatnot they needed before, but to a greater more elevated level. someone needs to have a heart! be a hero!"

A person that turns an HPD away who is hurting them is doing a good thing for themself and that HPD as maybe just maybe if that HPD gets turned away enough she will begin to realize that the problem isn't the inability to find the perfect guy. The problem is 1. A perfect human being doesn't exist and 2. The real problem causing all her relationship crumblings is the HPD and her only hope of stopping this is getting therapy for it, if its severe or if she hasn't got the money for that to find a place offering free therapy sessions and there are many of those places in the U.S and even still if that isn't an option for an HPD doing whatever she can to learn critical thinking skills and thinking before every major action can reduce a lot of the pain to herself and others.

yes, the 2 types of HPD's certainly makes sense (though i think the passive agressive type is probably less commom, at least, i am certainly the more severe...i am not usu. this nice, lol, or in-manipulative; but i'm here for the help i need)
As for the quote "If you cannot do good, at least do no harm." This is a beautiful and inspiring quote! (who said it???) But, the HPD feels harm, for anti-logical embarassing reasons ppl without it can't understand, they are sensitive to a whole range of imagined slights, even from ppl they haven't even met yet! they see their deep pains in everyday situations. and those who feel pain, often reciprocate it, right or wrong...clearly wrong. i believe HPDs have some kind of deep anger and need to rebel vindictively which communicates it self thru seduction and destruction. I see it as an 'emotional sadism', that is persistent. (I know this is no consolation, and i cannot understand the pain i or other HPDs have certainly caused)
and you're right about the need for therapy, it definitly cannot be cured by the HPD themself...if it can be cured/eliminated at all
i just can't imagine this hellish cycle ending =(
For those who have been hurt by an HPD I say this: If you have experienced the kind of destruction and turmoil and HPD can cause without a blink of an eye, then it is only logical that the destruction and turmoil they are feeling within themselves, constantly, is infinitly worse.

"yes, the 2 types of HPD's certainly makes sense (though i think the passive agressive type is probably less commom, at least, i am certainly the more severe...i am not usu. this nice, lol, or in-manipulative; but i'm here for the help i need)"

I'm glad you are trying to get better the best you can and I am glad you have made the first step by coming here to do so.

I hope you stick around and continue to offer your input and ask questions as needed.

"As for the quote "If you cannot do good, at least do no harm." This is a beautiful and inspiring quote! (who said it???)"

Well I looked it up. I guess it was the Dalai Lama LOL.

"But, the HPD feels harm, for anti-logical embarassing reasons ppl without it can't understand, they are sensitive to a whole range of imagined slights, even from ppl they haven't even met yet! they see their deep pains in everyday situations. and those who feel pain, often reciprocate it, right or wrong...clearly wrong."

Correct.

As Al Bernstein said in Emotional Vampires about HPD's "Victims victimize" and many of the more severe HPD types have been made victims early in their life by physical, sexual, verbal or abandonment abuse which helped make them HPD in the first place and as such. As a severe HPD, as a victim themself they go on to victimize many people who only want to love them but who they often fear for this love and push away similar to how a BPD does it but the HPD might not always know she is afraid to be loved and that is the core of her relationship's never working out.

"i believe HPDs have some kind of deep anger and need to rebel vindictively which communicates it self thru seduction and destruction."

Again, you are correct.

Al Bernstein says in Emotional Vampires that HPD's will admit many things. Many things except that they are really angry.

"I see it as an 'emotional sadism', that is persistent. (I know this is no consolation, and i cannot understand the pain i or other HPDs have certainly caused)"

Well HPD's are very capable of thinking just like a normal person but yeah the HPD disorder causes most people with this to forgo thinking deeply for living in the moment and this isn't necessarily a bad life philosophy per se but it is when used all the time which sad to say is how it is used by the most severe HPD's out there.

Thinking will save HPD's, not another partner.

"and you're right about the need for therapy, it definitly cannot be cured by the HPD themself...if it can be cured/eliminated at all
i just can't imagine this hellish cycle ending =("

Well thats understandable.

Living with something your entire life it can be an incredible thought to think that you could be something else but you can you really can and you have made the first steps in that direction by coming here.

"For those who have been hurt by an HPD I say this: If you have experienced the kind of destruction and turmoil and HPD can cause without a blink of an eye, then it is only logical that the destruction and turmoil they are feeling within themselves, constantly, is infinitly worse."

Perhaps for some HPD's.

Perhaps for you even.

I know HPD's certainly do have their brand of pain but indeed like normal pain it does vary in severity but I am glad you have shared with us and continue to do so.

If you need someone to talk to at any time feel free to PM me your AIM or MSN name.

My friend on the forum Genevieve and I would be happy to talk to you whenever you need help with anything.

I don't know whether it is an HPD thing, a NPD thing, a guy thing, or just a feature of my character, but I like playing the hero. I love being the white knight. In the past I liked being the white knight in an evil way, where I 'saved' the damsel and kept her on the threshold of depression to prolong the importance I played as the 'rock' in her chaotic life. But in the most recent of cases (the only one so far) I actually enjoy 'saving' this girl. Maybe it's because her crisis is circumstantial, and not emotional (and thus repugnant). I don't know. I respect this one O_o. It's great, though, genuine gratitude for genuine ... genuinity. I like it. It's 'clean' attention. I don't want any damn hero. I am the hero.

..

....

Funny about digitals post.

I was wondering this very thing myself.

Would a male HPD feel the need/want to play the 'knight' perhaps as a way of receiving love and attention that they needed?

Digital, in playing the role of knight - I presume you used manipulative behaviours??

I.e. perhaps making out that certain things or beliefs you had or knowledge/wants etc to fit the bill??

Did you appear completely un-needy when in fact you are needy, secure when insecure??

How far did you go?? And what was the upshot.
What did you get out of it, and, how do you think that this would work out longterm, once the damsel realised that her hero had some serious probs of his own??

lostHPD wrote:When you push the HPD into their true fears and into a deep, persistent depression, you are only insuring that the disorder will never go away. So in doing this you are actually supporting HPD in our world. Because then, they will just need all of the attention and whatnot they needed before, but to a greater more elevated level. someone needs to have a heart! be a hero!

Actually the pushing of the HPD person to face his/her disorder is the best way for that person to seek theraphy. Don't most of the literature on hpd suggest that hpd person would in general only seek therapy after a failed relationship?
The downside of this method is, I guess, the acceleration of the deterioration of the relationship because the hpd person may more easily devalue/discard his/her partner whose challenge and push making them less desirable.
So, the bigger loser is the partner, not the hpd I believe.

many HPDs cannot afford therapy
who can? 100+ dollars for 1 hour session
(i'm beginning to believe free clinics don't exist)