there is a HUGE difference between personality style and HPD

i was reading some of the earliest posts on page three in this forum and was struck by a poster who kept trying to bring up the topic of the histrionic personality style...essentially dismissing the HPD diagnosis. the histrionic personality style is a legitimate, healthy personality style...outgoing and optimistic and cheerful and friendly. but someone with this personality style rarely (well, no more than the average person with other personality styles) manipulates others (almost everyone they come into contact with) in a sexual/seductive way or uses others to fulfill their temporary needs. comparing the two is really a mute comparison and seems to have been made by someone who doesn't really believe that the disorder exists or even seem to understand the gravity of the reprecussions of this disorder and the incredible harm it does to the friends/lovers that get close to those with HPD. when all the pieces of the puzzle fall into place and one realizes in hindsight that the person they loved/admired/cared for is really a HPD and is basically devoid of the ability to truly connect with another person in a mutual way it is a very traumatic realization. there is a HUGE difference between the histrionic personality style and the histrionic personality disorder. it is like comparing a casual drinker who drinks on new years eve with someone who is a day to day alcoholic. you have to have loved an HPD to understand the pain experienced by those in this forum. i too would have been skeptical if i had read about the characterstics without having been close to someone with full blown HPD. i have read on other websites (and it is what i truly believe) that casual aquainances think those with HPD are the best people in the world. this is because their feelings are not involved. they have no emotions invested in the person with HPD. but once you become involved on a deeper level with someone with HPD (whether you be a parent/sibling/friend/lover) everything changes and from what i have gathered from the posts in this forum it seems to be the same story over and over and over again. coincidence? i think not. it is what happens when you get close to someone with HPD.

Everything you have said is very true about the severe HPD's out there.

Although casual aquaintances find them to be "the best people in the world" if they become more involved as in simply being the HPD's friend they discover over time that not only are they merely being used as an attention fix and for whatever benefits they bring that HPD by giving him/her their company they also realize that their friendship never really meant much to the HPD at all as in they realize they are thought of as easily replaceable.

The HPD values nothing unique about the person.

They are after the feelings that person can give them and another "friend" that can give them the same is a suitable replacement for you and will be utilized when the HPD has gotten what they need out of you so they can move on to a new friend or friend group.

Note: What I've just said and the first post making up this topic applies mostly to the disingenuous anti social variety of HPD that causes the most problems to the most people.

Passive aggressive histrionics though having similar thought patterns aren't as prone to cheating and will usually only damage their lovers and friends by how much attention they need from those people essentially draining them of their physical energy by the amount of praise and attention you have to give to keep them going.

Of course there are variations to both types and sometimes they overlap with eachother and other personality disorders but if you are dealing with a pure case of either then what I've stated is mostly what you can expect.

wow, i am sorry this happened to you
HPDs are emotionally stupid in any other way besides seducing and tricking ppl into loving and neediing them
this person does not deserve you to give them the time of day

after reading this, I know that what HPDs do really does effect other ppls lives: we see ourselves as passive in an active world, and defective
thus, we think we could never really hurt someone deeply or permanently -just a fleeting pain for them
Like the fleeting pain we feel after years of repressing and ignoring/dissociating any part of us that is 'weak' to emotions

now, i will think twice before i automatically go to play my games
does the person really deserve it? probly not

(but if i'm doing it out of anger or spite (usually the basis of all the games anyway) what is an HPD to do; i mean the games are so easy to play and win; and it seems like my only solace sometimes: if i have no pwer in this world, at least i can have some power over those that actually do...help?! me stop.)

"(but if i'm doing it out of anger or spite (usually the basis of all the games anyway) what is an HPD to do; i mean the games are so easy to play and win; and it seems like my only solace sometimes: if i have no pwer in this world, at least i can have some power over those that actually do...help?! me stop.)"

Simply remember the phrase "If you can do no good, at least do no harm."

Many ASPD's out there who have no emotions or conscience (keep in mind) refrain from doing bad things and themselves living as a productive and helpful members of society unlike other ASPD's (who usually are criminals) because they have come to value self control as a form of strength and perhaps their fellow ASPD sufferers who have no restraint as weak by placing no control over their lives.

Maybe you could employ this line of reasoning too in order to feel powerful because to restrain yourself from doing what you feel like doing that you know will hurt another person but make you feel better...

To restrain yourself from that is a form of power because you have overcome and defeated yourself.

In essence you have proven you are stronger than yourself and yourself's base desires with restraint.

re: the comment about the manipulating/hurting done out of anger:

I am interested in HPDs and anger. I recall often feeling angry..or at the least..frustrated in my HPDs presence. She then came to decide that I have anger management issues.(most of my regular friends say I am laid back and a calming presence)

Mostly I kept it to myself but a few times I rebelled against what I felt as totally anal focus on something I was helping with, criticism or whatevr... But other times where it came from was difficult for me to understand. I think it was in a way possibly my truth realizing the futile mess I was in.
-
She'd also supplied a story that was another red flag..about going on a weekend trip w/someone (an ex) that as she said-ended as usual..'with so and so getting in a mood' ..I remember thinking ..yeah..you probably mislead them to think it was gonna be sex and fun and it turned out to be paying for the entire mess..then sitting around listening to how you don't feel good or you're tired or you may want to move away to a new city or work is awful or ..you really think the new reality show is so interesting'. or somebody else you know is such a great friend...etc.
--- UGH.

"I am interested in HPDs and anger. I recall often feeling angry..or at the least..frustrated in my HPDs presence. She then came to decide that I have anger management issues.(most of my regular friends say I am laid back and a calming presence"

Yeah thats called projection a.k.a projective identification where the disordered put off on you whats really going on inside themselves.

I think to do that makes them feel free of the condition like its no longer theirs but yours.

Really messed up and really untrue about you so be glad about this.