HPD's...what goes on inside of your minds?

i am curious about what goes on inside the mind of a woman or a girl with HPD? i have done a little bit of online research and it all seems to say the same things over and over. what i really want to know is how do you feel about love, friendships, relationships and loss? what does it mean when they say you are shallow? is it because you choose to be this way or is it because this is how you really feel deep inside? do you know when you are manipulating people? do you fake love and attraction just to get attention? it takes alot of effort to 'be on' all the time...isn't it exhausting? i have so many questions but i can't think of them now...i would like to hear the female prespective on this issue, thanks.

what i really want to know is how do you feel about love, friendships, relationships and loss?

Love is what my life centers around, so for me it's essential. I'm nothing without it. That's mainly why us HPDs constantly need to be in a relationship. We need it.

Then, friendship, isn't really important to me personally, as opposed to love. I can dispose of friends no problem, and not have any remorse about it. Since all I need is love, and love acts as friendship as well (if with the right partner), I don't need friends (unless they are of some use in the current time).

And, loss. Depends. Loosing my love partner is something that affects me greatly. Loosing a friend is no big deal. I create bonds quickly, so I see friends as easily replace-able.


what does it mean when they say you are shallow?

I guess shallow in the sense that sometimes we appear as empty shells with no personality, appart from the ones we mimic. We're there to be pleased and please, but aren't much on our own.


is it because you choose to be this way or is it because this is how you really feel deep inside?

I don't think we choose to be this way, it's how we feel. I get caught myself in believing I have a personality (because I want to have one), but I realize I don't when I try to "be myself", as it doesn't exist. We do feel empty.


do you know when you are manipulating people?

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I know when I'm manipulating people when it's the purpose of my actions, to get what I want (in place of need), but I don't realize I'm manipulating people when I do it to get what I need (in place of want). A bit like how you don't realize you're breathing until you stop to notice it. It's unconsciously. We're not always aware of it on the moment, but we know we're doing it.


do you fake love and attraction just to get attention?

I did in the past, so I could do it again if I really needed it and had no other option. But it's not something I like to do and don't need it now. So, yes we can do it, but it's not a first-choice option. More like a last resort.


it takes alot of effort to 'be on' all the time...isn't it exhausting?

Not at all.

What Genevieve said is pretty much the truth.

The only thing in her post that varies from HPD to HPD is the being on thing.

I've talked to HPDers who have told me they must rest every few months in between searching out new partners and partying it up lol.

Hello Genevieve...thanks for your insight...still don't quite get the 'why' of the situation though...not necesarily with you but with all women with HPD. i guess the reasons must vary from person to person. i understand the need for love. most people in the world desire love but i just can't grasp the manipulation part of HPD. i'm wondering if it is the same as when an alcoholic sees a drink in front of them and they are craving a drink. they will manipulate whoever to get that drink because their desire is stronger than their will or their morals? i don't know...i guess i'll always wonder why...thanks again for the reply...

"i'm wondering if it is the same as when an alcoholic sees a drink in front of them and they are craving a drink. they will manipulate whoever to get that drink because their desire is stronger than their will or their morals?"

If a guy an HPD is "in love with" gets tired of the ups and downs of the relationship and withdraws that HPD will do pretty much anything with the exception of murder and violence to get that guy back with her.

I've heard from one of the HPD's I met on the forum through PM's that when this situation occurs the only thing on their mind is getting the guy back, morals don't even cross their mind or who they will hurt in the process of trying to get the guy back with them.

The fulfillment of the desire is all that matters so yeah it does seem like your alcoholism analogy is spot on.

KontrollerX speaks the truth. Couldn't have said it better.

KontrollerX wrote:"i'm wondering if it is the same as when an alcoholic sees a drink in front of them and they are craving a drink. they will manipulate whoever to get that drink because their desire is stronger than their will or their morals?"

If a guy an HPD is "in love with" gets tired of the ups and downs of the relationship and withdraws that HPD will do pretty much anything with the exception of murder and violence to get that guy back with her.

I've heard from one of the HPD's I met on the forum through PM's that when this situation occurs the only thing on their mind is getting the guy back, morals don't even cross their mind or who they will hurt in the process of trying to get the guy back with them.

The fulfillment of the desire is all that matters so yeah it does seem like your alcoholism analogy is spot on.

Totally. I went to the ends of the earth just to 'win' and get one of my ex's back. We broke up when I moved to a different state. We only went out for a month, but I idealised the relationship into this phenomenal thing that it wasn't. I decided I had to win her back (I was kind of cruel at the final parting, for her own good. Anyway, she was somewhat cut by the experience). I was like a man posessed. I knew only her name, and city. I scoured the internet, phonebooks, eventually tapped onto her family, then her immediate family, then her. I put hours of phone work in until I eventually got a long-distance relationship happening. The rest of the relationship is a different story altogether, but that definitely demonstrates the alcoholic analogy made earlier. I felt like not getting back with her would be the supreme failure of my entire life. It wasn't an option.

Pursuing an ex-lover seems pretty much the standard. I wonder what digital.noface and genevieve think happens after the ex-lover is conquered once again. Most people on this forum suggest that as soon as the re-conquest is achieved the "victims" are dumped. I wonder when the hpd person decides to give up the pursuit of an ex-lover? Is there turning point, a limit to times after which they'd stop pursueing ex-lovers. When does the urge of re-conquest die?

needlessus wrote:Pursuing an ex-lover seems pretty much the standard. I wonder what digital.noface and genevieve think happens after the ex-lover is conquered once again. Most people on this forum suggest that as soon as the re-conquest is achieved the "victims" are dumped. I wonder when the hpd person decides to give up the pursuit of an ex-lover? Is there turning point, a limit to times after which they'd stop pursueing ex-lovers. When does the urge of re-conquest die?

Actually, I was the one that was dumped. I think the poor girl was HPD, or at the very least batshit insane. In any case it was a big break in rhythm for me, and resulted in a lot of re-evaluation. I am now in a relationship of almost 2 years with a lovely girl. The girl in question unfortunately had to return to her home country upon finishing university, so we have been going out long distance for about 9 months whilst working together to save up for a visa. I am a little lonely, but completely loyal. This is the girl I plan to spend the rest of my life with.

target_of_histrionic wrote:how do you feel about love, friendships, relationships and loss? what does it mean when they say you are shallow? is it because you choose to be this way or is it because this is how you really feel deep inside? do you know when you are manipulating people? do you fake love and attraction just to get attention? it takes alot of effort to 'be on' all the time...isn't it exhausting? i have so many questions but i can't think of them now...i would like to hear the female prespective on this issue, thanks.

Well, loss is a constant state for me, maybe many hpd's fell that they were lacking on the receiving end of love, which is surely a loss. But love, friendships and, relationships are just weaknesses that other ppl have that I don't. I mean, if i found the HPD "savior situation" I have been dreaming of, then that would be love. (it probly cannot exist, another contributing factor to the constant 'lovelessness')
What genevieve said about knowing when ur manipulating ppl was spot on! sometimes yes, sometimes a habit, basically it's ALWAYS there
yes, i fake love and attraction to get the positive attention, it's a thrill and an ego boost. I don't really understand how someone could be sooo vulnerable to me to be deeply hurt by this. I just assume it will be a fleeting pain for them. The worst part, for the ppl the HPDs don't really care about, is when they keep coming back thinking the HPD has changed...that's what they want. That's just another ego-booster, unless the HPD has gotten help and no longer has HPD.
And it's funny that you call it 'being on.' Though it may appear as being on, it is not that way to us. It is our personality, it is who we are, it takes no energy to be an HPD, you just are one or you're not! It's never exhausting, just ego-boosting and reassuring.
Sorry this reply was sooo long!!! I get carried away!