Males With HPD

Hi, I'm new to the forum, but am interested to hear other's opinions on one of my former friends. I say former because I've known him for a year and we've actually played in a band together, and I was either getting along with him or hating him, and was not sure why until I looked up HPD in the DSM manual.

I couldn't understand why he couldn't just be consistent and normal! When I first met him, he was so charming! I actually had a small amount of romatic interest in him. But as time wore on, I felt as if there was nothing underneath his surface.

There was a lot of chaos in our band because of him. He's in his later 30's and just got out of a rather long-term relationship with his girlfriend, whom he trashed behind her back to me on several occasions, although I've never met the girl. I decided to give him a chance as a friend because it seemed as if he was hurting and needed to talk.

After awhile, he just became annoying to me because it had been a year and he still managed to trash her, when I think a regular non Cluster-B person would get over it already. I think she was the one who ultimately broke his narcissistic bubble or something.

Anyway, he would relate to me in a very confusing manner most of the time. I consider myself a rather independent girl who speaks my mind. One time we were having a discussion about culture and racism, and he told me that my problem was "I thought too much."

It seemed as if he was trying to seduce me one day and ignore me the next. He would often make comments about my body and would kiddingly call me a "slut" and "bitchy" if I asserted myself.

I am the only girl in the band. Please be advised that we are not Fleetwood Mac caliber or professional in any way. We all have day jobs and do this on the side in our spare time for fun in the community. During our practices, I observed him multiple times through the year having "tantrums" about his songs not being interpreted correctly, which would end up in him leaving practice in a huff! He recently quit our band because he believes that we are not good enough for his songs. When asked if he has a direct plan or connections to further in the music biz, he is vague and undecided.

I've read most of his lyrics, and believe me he's no Bob Dylan or anything. But he calls himself a "songwriter" and refuses to take any criticism. He either loves the bandmembers or hates them. When he was in a good mood, which was as I look back only when he was the center of attention or the subject of our admiration, his reactions were more resembling child-like glee than a tempered, adult good mood.

He is self-described as hyper, told me he often wakes up in the middle of the night inspired by God to write his song lyrics and is always shifting his plans. He is obsessed with his hair, and uses more styling products than I do. He also wears tons of jewelry, flashy sunglasses indoors, and these awful fancy-man boots.

Do you all think I am dealing with a male HPD?
Thanks,
Just curious.

"Do you all think I am dealing with a male HPD?"

Yes, and if you're interested in reading about more male HPD's do a user search on digital.noface, jamostrat and Raalmus or just look through the short pages of this forum and I'm sure you'll find them that way here on the HPD board.

Hi Interested Psych Student. As KontrollerX pointed out, I am one of a few Male HPD posters in this forum. (Actually, it made me feel nice to be recognised as such, thanks KontrollerX). I don't know how to diagnose HPD, but allow me to hijack this thread to make it all about me and explain my circumstances for you to compare and contrast :p

Basically all details aside (details can be found in this thread), what seems to be the key factor for me in my HPD is my inability to muster any motivation for which I cannot source an attention reward. This was never a problem in attention-rich environment (like school, home, ect...), and I was barely seperable from a healthy-yet-dramatic teen with a superiority complex. However since leaving home and going to university, I have found daily aspects of life extremely difficult, because nobody cares. It sucks. I am usually an exceptionally dynamic, intelligent, and effective individual, who lords it over his fellow man with awe-inspiring panache (or is it 'panash'?). Now I am indistinguishable from a loser. If you want to test the guy, see if he already does, or you can arrange him to do something for 'free' (no attention). The other aspects of HPD I don't have a problem with, just the one that holds me back.

Also note that most agree that I also have NPD too, so that may influence my case...