Husband's ex-wife has HPD, uses kid's against him

My husband's ex-wife has HPD and I believe she emotionally abuses their children. She rarely lets us see them, and on the occasions she does, she calls and makes them feel guilty for being with us. She asks them all kinds of questions about what they are doing, who they did it with, what they're going to do later and with who, however when they ask her where she's at, she will either try to change the subject or not tell them at all. She also tells them how much she misses them as well as how much their baby sister misses them as well, and will then come up with something more fun for them to do if they come home to her house. I know this sounds very minor, however it goes deeper than that. After convincing her son to come home after an argument with my husband, his son called, crying, that his mother had promised to take him to get something to eat, but after talking with his dad, she won't because she did not anticipate having him, and therefore did not want to spend money on him, since he was supposed to be with his Dad (she doesn't work, lives at home with mom and is 37 years old!). She always assures my husband that she never says anything bad about me (projection, as why does she feel the need to even say that?), however her son now refuses to come to our house because he says I'm mean and his sister feels that she cannot say anything because everytime she does her mother tells them that she's a better mother than I am. When my husband attempts to have a conversation with her, her response is that it's his fault because he doesn't spend enough time with them (she NEVER accepts responsibility for their separation). She left him with no money in their account and had not paid bills for several months, and wrote a bunch of bad checks to drive across the country to live with some man in Kentucky that she met on the internet. My husband had to attend bad-check school, and went without seeing his kids for 3 weeks. She kept them out of school for 6 weeks, leading her son to start a grade behind when he did go back. He is very impressionable and believes everything his mother tells him (why shouldn't he, she's an authority figure), so is constantly yelling at my husband that he's never been a father to him, he throws tantrums, is overly affectionate, has no close friends, and at the age of 13, still cries! (I believe he is well on his way to HPD, although I know they do not diagnose in children).

However, when she is having a problem with their son, she'll call my husband, sweet as pie, and let him be the bad guy. I have read in a prior post, the advice that the Non-HPD sue for custody, but is there any other option other than taking them completely away from her? My husband is a good person and we both know that that isn't the answer, but what do you do when even the time we do get to spend with them is sabotaged? How are you supposed to communicate with madness? She told my husband last night that he needs to get over them, that she's trying to move on with her own life and he needs to do the same (clearly projection, as she has also told him that by his marrying, it has hindered her from having a social life). What I also don't get, wouldn't she want a break from her kid's every once in a while? It seems more important for her to cut off her own nose to spite her face, why the constant power struggle? How does one deal with all of the lying? Especially when these lies are also being said to the kids and in front of them? How do you argue with madness, when one minute they say something and the next conversation it gets denied that it was ever said? Will these kids be okay when they grow up? I would really love imput from not only mates of HPD but from grown children, if possible, as well. Thanks in advance for any responses!

"I have read in a prior post, the advice that the Non-HPD sue for custody, but is there any other option other than taking them completely away from her?"

If she won't get therapy or be reasonable in any way no there is not I'm sad to say.

Fight for custody and save those kids!