I know I need help....but I'm afraid

I've had an unhealthy amount of people online and in person even within the last month tell me I need help....I've been having more serious conversations due to a few personal problems and I just hate those... Mostly because I think I suppress things and they're just too close to the surface
And then they come out in outbursts..and I act childish towards the person who is trying to tell me I need help (you're mean, you have an attitude, I hate you - I did this to someone the other day in person)

And then I get so upset and it's like in a few minutes it's just gone. I don't even remember what I was feeling or sometimes even what it was about.

The idea of therapy scares me. The questions, how therapists speak to me...I just don't like it. I always go once and then never again. I don't know how to stay because I feel like I'm never being taken seriously because I never know how to tell them

This, this and this are my problem and I don't know how to deal with it
No I just don't even know what the problem is because it's so lost I think...I don't know what I'm saying

Therapists are there for them to help you. They don't judge you, they don't think in terms of 'normal' and 'crazy'.

Just think of them as normal doctors, and what's the worst what could happen?

Hi Pink.

Maybe rather then trying to change too much too fast, there are smaller changes you could focus on?

Regarding therapists, I think a good one understands that each person needs to make changes at their own pace, and on top of that, some people may seek therapy, make a small change, then drop out of therapy until they are ready to make other changes.

I also think there are two sides to our issues. There is how we are affected, and how others are affected. It is easier to start by working on how we are negatively affected because that's what we experience the most intensely.

You wrote that others have told you to seek help, but the question is, how do you feel about yourself? Are there aspects to your life that you are not feeling good about, or not feeling good about yourself in general, that you'd like to change?

They won't take me seriously because i don't know how to describe the problem.

There's things I need to change. Just a few things...not everything at all.

Pink01 wrote:They won't take me seriously because i don't know how to describe the problem.

There's things I need to change. Just a few things...not everything at all.

Maybe think of the things that you want to change and just present those to the therapist, and let the therapist work backwards and ask you questions about why you do those things, and maybe that will better able to see inside of yourself.

Maybe a journal, or even a voice recorder? A way to put down thoughts that might otherwise be fleeting in a personal interview.
Like said above, no judgements in therapy-find one who makes you feel at ease. Sometimes it can take a while.

VE - sounds like a possibility

Orion - I've been trying that...for some reason when I do journals I tend to rip the pages out in later moods and then I have nothing
So I've started one here and I can't delete it/avoid the problem..
It's mostly a trying to figure out the root type deal

Pink01 wrote:VE - sounds like a possibility

Orion - I've been trying that...for some reason when I do journals I tend to rip the pages out in later moods and then I have nothing
So I've started one here and I can't delete it/avoid the problem..
It's mostly a trying to figure out the root type deal

Yeah maybe when you find the right T tell them to join PF so they can read ur entries (not kidding). Or maybe u could set it up so you could email your journal to her/him?
If I understand you correctly, the root of it all is what you are looking for, but we all need a trusted helper to find little pieces of the root at a time. This is normal.

Keeping a non-deletable journal is a great idea.

I also agree with the idea that figuring out little pieces rather then trying to get at the root of it all at once is how most of us make progress.

Pink

I can relate to what you said about suppressing things and having them right beneath the surface. I laugh at my outbursts later yes exactly like a little kid. When my emotions oscillate I can't handle it.

I agree with the others you don't have to tell everything to the therapist, deal only with the issues that bother you. It sometimes takes a while to find someone you are comfortable with. My current therapist is great she calls me out when she thinks I'm not doing my own work (and expecting her to figure things out for me) I respect her for it and feel comfortable with her because of it. I had a consultation with someone before her that was condescending. When I told him I wasn't coming back he wondered why... you have to feel comfortable and not judged.

Xdude made a good point about trying to change too fast. When I first found out about BPD/HPD I drowned myself in reading anything I could get my hands on I just wanted to feel better as fast as I could. What I found after a few months is that I was keeping myself ill. I had to accept that the process was going to take time and I had to be patient- what I was doing felt like I was keeping myself in 24/7 therapy.

I hope you feel better. Take it as slow as you have to.