Interesting...

Hello,
I originally started looking at the forums to figure out what was wrong with my AsPD GF. I figured heck, while i'm here, I'll give it all a go.
It weird when you read something, and it's like you are reading a short bio about yourself. Kinda awkward talking about it really but hell, no one knows who I am so whatever. I'm not quite sure...actually that's a lie. I'm pretty sure I am narc HPD. I fit into a lot of the categories, but it seems a little different in some aspects. I have a twin brother who is completely opposite of me. He was always in the "skill positions" in sports, I was always in the "support" ones. It forced a lot of issues inside of me. I felt like I was always trying to compete to gain some sort of attention growing up, as these "skill" positions gain all the glory. He was also incredibly popular when we were kids. Dad beat the $#%^ outta me when I was little (he was alcoholic, amazing man after he kicked it) Of course I was also molested randomly by some dude I didn't even know once. Just trying to maybe figure out the source. I digress.
I don't know. A couple of things: OKay im just going to fire these off...
--My family always complains about how she doesn't understand how I can blow up, or be sad, or show some sort of emotion, etc, then be totally fine 30 seconds later. Of course, that was odd to me. Why hold on to that emotion? The fight is over... situations like that.. its like you get so pissed or so upset about something then...OH LOOK, SHINY! ....what fight? lol.
--I need attention, but its a bit different. I mean yes, I do like attention from girls...but its more like throwing a bobber out in the water and seeing if they bite...if not, I just move onto a new location and throw it again. The fun part is the reeling in. Being mysterious. Seeing if you could get that ONE girl to notice you...when she had 20 guys hanging on her already. Another thing that caught my attention...its like... I have a knack for sticking around for the most destructive relationships... but if I don't feel like I am getting what I need, I FREAK (aka relationship now with the dang AsDP) but I had a perfectly fantastic non ...sweet, caring, etc. which things were great...but then I just got annoyed.. I cheated multiple times on her... I broke it off multiple times..didn't care, but in the end of 2 years.. she left ME. And for whatever reason, that send me into panic mode. In the end, I did a lot of damage to her I guess... I didn't understand it...
---When in groups, I have to be the leader, have to make the decisions... I use humor a lot to gain attention, but my close friends... if I don't feel like they are following.. I get bored and discard.. the friends I do have are fiercly loyal, and Ive always been the "best friend or your worst enemy" kid of guy.
----I don't feel like im easily swayed. I will say that. If you don't like my view, then screw off. This is my mind. Not yours, and hopefully you agree.
---Also, I'm smart you are dumb... then don't waste my time. If someone with intelligence appears, im giddy as hell.

Pretty random stuff I suppose. Had more planned to tell in detail but lost it. lol. Perhaps ill rem or open up more...this is my 1st post..and to be honest im not too excited that I stumbled across this. I found it 2 days ago and it has been giving me panic attacks (that plus the AsPD gf). Anyways...that's it! Any thoughts or opinons would be much appreciated!

rambleman -

Welcome to the forum. 'rambling' can be very a helpful means of understanding ourselves, so please ramble on Looking forward to the rest of what you have to share.