Wow...but how do you know when its too much

I just read this whole definition and I am saying "WOW...but everybody has some of those tendencies in today's world..." ! So how do you know if you are too concerned with: appearance, dependance, relationships? At what point does it become a full blown disorder?

In a world such as ours...in a marriage of this world with personal lives...how is this label possible? And for the therapists to be "snookered" by this particular personality...that's scarey.

Isn't it a "nornal" thing to want to be recognized by peers for accomplishments...or to want to be attractive to others...or for that matter to HATE the idea of getting old?

how much is too much then?

huh?

It becomes a disorder when the activity involved with the disorder which is exhibited by most people in healthy small doses becomes large doses for the disordered person that allow them to live and feel good about themselves but unfortunately for them and others they are eventually themselves hurt by the behaviour and it hurts others.

In short it becomes a disorder when it brings a signifcant amount of pain and distress to the sufferer of the condition and those they interact with.

True, dragonsR_us, those motivations and behaviors do sound somewhat normal. At one time, I would have agreed with what you wrote.

For those unfortunate souls with hpd, their behaviors and motivations are inflexible beyond reason and profoundly so.

I mean *inflexible* too. And, that's for any and all situations, no matter the cost to themselves or others -it's very much like a selfish 5yr old child who hasn't learned to respect others yet.

You kinda have to experience it yourself. No offense, but I can safely say you haven't.

These unfortunate souls have /zero/ empathy interlaced into their personality. It's usually caused by some awful thing that happened to them when they were very young and their personalities were developing. It's a cognitive dysfunction. And, a treatable one, if you can get them to stick to the therapy.

When I say /zero/ empathy, I mean zero. An hpd can be dangerous, so to speak, for mental health of those who get emotionally involved with them.

One might conclude that some instant of HPD behavior was simply evil! No kidding here. ("How coud you possibly treat me like that! I've never experienced anything so awful! Can't you even say you're sorry! AAAAAAGGGGHHH! ) But the reality is that the HPD isn't even aware of your feelingsl -zero empathy. Sure, the behavior was just /incidentally/ the most treasonous, awful, embarassing thing you've ever experienced. But, there was not intent and therefore not evil. But, it'll seem so. They won't even apologize. Lack of empathy has profound ramifications.

It's tough to love a person with HPD. It might just destroy you.

You hpd's need to stick to the therapy. It's hard, but the alternative is far worse on the people you love most. And, God bless you.

Hey, I sure had some things on my chest, huh!?

joe

Hey. I tried to argue that about my NPD! Yeah, but seriously, my HPD is only distinguishable from being a general 'attention whore' in that it causes problems for me. I find great difficulty in performing the most basic of tasks without some form of attention garnering to motivate it. It is, as joenashville astutely put it, like being a 5 year old child. I need to be showered in attention to do anything well. This usually isn't a problem, because I am pretty damn good at most of the things I do (why else would I do them), and as such win surplus attention to fund these ventures. The problem for me lies in being in an attention-free environment (Wherein I simply cannot for the life of me do anything, I last cleaned my house/room/dishes 4 months ago, I eat once every day or so). It sucks. However, I am interested to hear whether or not the way your behavior impacts upon others actually matters. Because my alleged NPD has no negative impact upon myself, and yet many people can't handle somebody who isn't modest. Surely, if I am happy, then that is all that matters (In terms of a disorder). If somebody has a problem, then it is theirs, not mine. Which brings me to my final point. Joenashville's observation of zero empathy is pretty well true. I really don't give a flying f- about anyone, or their feelings. If they get upset, it is because they chose to do so in their own pathetic weakness. People don't upset me, because I don't let them. Individuals choose whether or not if they want to be upset by something, so if somebody starts harping on about their feelings and my impact thereupon, they can get stuffed. Maybe they should try sucking less. As you may have noticed, I don't beleive this to be a problem of mine, or a problematic aspect of HPD.

Hahaha!

Digital.noface, you must really SUCK to live with, but I sure do enjoy your presence here on this forum and no doubt we could have fun getting totally sh*tfaced on a night out together (I think - one never knows how PDs react to alcohol, of course).

It's refreshing to hear someone being so arrogantly open about their HPD side (praise the lord for your NPD superiority-trait I guess!), and it puts a lot of things in perspective for me. My HPD-ex has this very sweet lovely poor little victim nice girly demeanour over her so you tend to want to overlook the way she treats you, or put it down to her status as a victim of a cold youth and upbringing. This really SUCKS, because you're constantly being torn between knowing that she treats you like $#%^ and her proclaiming that "she really want to love you better, but she just doesn't know hoooooow..."

And then you think: "Oh, the poor little thing... She's trying soo hard, and even then she's panicking because she never had the right example at home. Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on her..."

Grrrrrrrr.

And then there's Digital's blunt style of phrasing . And you know what? The end results are just the same . My ex doesn't do any chores at all, but she plays the victim, saying "I'm in a heavy depression, I just can't make the effort"... Oh, the poor thing. That's why her house is never cleaned! Two explanations, one result. The same goes for the rest D.NF says.

I see exactly the same behaviour in my ex, only she says "I don't know why I did that. I didn't mean to hurt you. It happened before I even knew what was going on (right: you stumbled and before you knew it landed on his p***s - sorry 'bout that folks). I really want to do what you ask me, but I'm afraid I'll get hurt". Buuuuuuullshit! My emotions are no concern of her. She just makes up excuses so she comes out as the sweet emotional hurt one.

Thanks for your candor, Digital. Do you live around Europe? If I ever drop by near your place I'm buying you a beer.