Attention seeking/overthinking

Hi all

After months of thinking what could be wrong with me, I narrowed it down to two things.

1. always looking for attention
2. too concerned about what others will think of me

For the first problem, some situations might clarify this:

When a party has been organized with some of my old friends, most of the time I arrive a couple of hours late, just to make them wonder what the cause was of why I arrive so late. The weird part is, I don’t have this with relative new friends. When I arrive I tend to say nothing at all, just to let them talk to me.
When somebody leaves at the party and they say goodbye, I basically ignore them and don’t say anything to them (this depends of the person though).
2 months ago, one of my friends moved in with his girlfriend and I haven’t seen him since then, during this party he was there and so I saw him again for the first time in these two months. I didn’t talk to him (or her) just to let him ask or wonder why he hasn’t seen me or heard of me in this period.
In a couple of weeks this person is giving a homewarming party, I’m actually thinking of not going, just to let them wonder more and just asking me why I don’t come.

When I was on holiday a couple of months back with some of my friends, I didn’t say anything or very little for a whole day and was always doing something alone, just to make them ask what was wrong.

The second problem

This is more of a problem with new friends and even people I don’t know at all

I tend to overthink everything, is everyone having a good time, am I fun enough, am I even good looking enough to be around them. What will think of me if I don’t say anything for a couple of minutes, what will they think of my hair, what do I have to say, etc…
This leads to me not acting myself and everything I do seems forced. I just want to be liked by everyone.

My question is, does anyone experience this too and more importantly, does anyone has a solution?
Will acting different, even though something is always holding me back of not seeking attention or not overthinking, help me get over it?

Things you wrote about don't seem that HPD, not that I'm an expert.Of course, you could have other symptoms for all I know.And how old are you, if I may ask? Things you are experiencing are quite normal for young people, in my opinion. I'm leaving my teenage years behind soon and I think some aspects of me will get better with time.For now I'm just jumping from one forum to another trying to find a new shiny label for myself.

Anyway, I can relate to everything you said, especially the part about wanting people to wonder, ask questions, etc.Other similar thing I do is refusing to go somewhere so everyone could "force" me to go because that way I'm sure they really want me there, plus, it makes me going a big deal.Also, then I can blame them if something goes wrong.
I also constantly worry about what people think except I don't care if they like me or not.I actually hate being liked in a traditional sense.

As for a solution, I don't think I can offer you any as I'm still not in a stage when I actually want to fix my problems (don't ask).For what it's worth, I think that wanting to be happy is a big step towards being happy.

I'm 25, but this has been going on for a couple of years, but I have the impression it's getting worse.

Thanks for the advice!

What do you mean when you say "couple" of years? If it's really like 2 or 3 years I think that a personality disorder is probably out as they start to develop way sooner.You said you seem to be getting worse and I scanned some of your previous posts to see where you generally stand.I think it would be best if you talked to a professional if you haven't yet, just to talk through some issues, remove concerns and fix things that need fixing.

RestUnknown,I am definitely no expert either,but I have a sibling who is histrionic,and you definitely dont seem to fit her bill.Infact you sseem quite the opposite of her.Im not quite sure the exact meaning of histrionic,but I think drama and theatrical are somewhere involved.My sibling has always bgeen extremely dramatic,making sure she draws every ounce of attention to herself mostly in negative manners.There are no boundries respected by her and she is extremely sexual aand also makes aquaintences more then what they are.Have you gonne through the signs and symptoms of HPD?(sorry for my typos!)You actually do sound very normal to me andd maybe do you think you could be just hesitant in unsure situations?Maybe reserved untill you get the feel of the mood or feelings of others ?We all worry about how we look from time to time.Or what/what not to say.And there is nothing wrong with wondering if others notice us at times.I think we all feel the need for validation and worth of our existence from time to time.Its nice to be important and important to be nice.XX

I agree with starbright.I don't know what made you think you were exceptionally attention seeking.I'm like 10 times more attention seeking than you judging by what you've written and I'm still not sure if I'm like that to the point of disorder.Plus,you seem to know you aren't being yourself whereas I have no idea what I really think and if I'm saying things just because.You are judging yourself too harshly.

I agree too that near everyone wants (arguably 'needs') some validation that they are wanted/desired; it's when the need becomes extreme that it is a problem. Also everyone may feel a degree of discomfort/distance/awkward in certain social situations (especially those where there is a lot of competition to be noticed). Still, yes, that alone doesn't strike me as particularly unusual, but if you are feeling unsure, also agree, please talk to a counselor or therapist. There still might be areas of your life where talking with someone could help you live a happier life.

RestUnknown, I'm curious, could you please tell me if there were any other things that made you think you were histrionic?

The couple of years is about 4-5, when my latest ex broke up with me.

There are no other reasons why I think I would have histrionic, the 'sexual seductive' symptom is not applicable to me (and is even, in my eyes, even less than 'normal' people). I'm a very silent person because I will not say anything as I think I will be boring or just plain stupid.

I do think I'm highly suggestible, if I just read an opinion on the internet I immediately relate to that, if in a next post someone gives a counter argument I comply with that...

I do use physical appearance to draw attention to myself. I frequently buy stuff (like bracelets, scarfs,...) just to make them notice me, even though I don't like them and will only use them once.

Starbright333, your sentence about being reserved until I get the feel of the mood or feelings from others is probably right. I immediately get more talkative if the other person is in a good mood or talk to me. I have a hard time starting a conversation and keeping it going.

I don't know, I seem to have so much (small) issues that it just piles up to be one big problem.

Thanks for the responses, they do help!