I am HPD and have some thoughts

to be fair to everyone here,
I should say
that there is a distinct differentiation
between
different types of attention seeking.
And
as far as know
there is no one specific way
that hpds evolve.
If anyone wants to typecast hpds in certain ways
they are welcome
but I don't think that they are so easily categoricalizable (if this is a correct word).
KX knows that I suffered a lot at the hands of a hpd suspect.
Yet
I very much doubt
that one can so easily categorize people
and even say
that they are 60 % hpd
and 20% npd
and 20% avoidant pd.
In real world it is not so.,
Please don't be so American.
You no longer are Americans anyway.
Indians do it for you
in an outsourced way.

Please, let the shrinks do their job.
Please do NOT diagnose people here.
Esp. if you don't have the qualifications for it.

Well we don't and can't actually diagnose anyone anyway as to have a diagnosis label one has to get it from a professional but we can speculate and guess especially if someone comes here asking for our take and opinion on things.

Also the 50/50 thing is just another guess of mine that people here ask for all the time and with the information you provided in this case thats all I can guess on it needlessus.

So it should also be noted the word "probably" is used a lot when someone comes here asking if they have HPD or a victim comes here asking if they were involved with an HPD and the "probably" is then given after we are provided a symptoms list and general outline of behaviour.

Everyone has to remember that most normal people like we victims (at first) are unaware about these conditions and even those aware of them tend to be poorly educated on them and aren't aware of how horribly hurtful these people can be ie what they are capable of.

That is so true! Society is fooled into believing that hurtful people come at us in a menacing/threatening/destructive way. Rarely are wolves-in-sheeps clothing ever discussed and if they are it is NEVER to be understood until it is experienced. I have been hurt by both types and I will say without a doubt that being hurt by someone who comes off as a harmless/pitiful/innocent mormon farm girl (no dis to the mormon's) (I am simply trying to paint a picture) is far more harmful/mind-bending and insidious than any person who presents themselves in public as either 'normal' or aggressive. The so-called normal and the aggressive are at least portraying themselves to the world as multi-facated in their personalities. HPD's come across as one-dimensional never-do-anyone-ever-any-harm-to-anyone-do-gooders. So when they start to reveal the deep-dark hidden side of themselves (that only the unfortunate people that got close to them can see) it is damaging on an unknown scale. It is like having your mind-soul raped. But, they are just cowards. Oscar Wilde had it correct when he said "for every man kills the thing he loves. the coward with a kiss. the brave man with a sword." To be hurt by a HPD feels like being emotionally harmed by a kitten or a ken/barbie doll. The outward public actions/underlying 'real' personality and motives are quite the opposite. Now that I look back I remember the hurt/confused looks on many faces around me. It's funny how we can always see things in prespective after they are over. I have to say with all honesty that my experience with this woman will go down in my life as the worst experience of my life.

So for you to start telling your mutual friends that it ended because the girl or guy was mentally disordered tends to come off as sour grapes moreso than the truth.

True. I am 100% unable to discuss this experience with anyone because no one would understand. The only ones that would understand are all her ex-boyfriends/friends and others that have dealt with HPD's. That is why I am thankful for this forum. Just being able to read about the experiences of others helps me understand what happened. It's weird because when it's happening you kind of know somethings off but you just can't put your finger on it. You think this woman is just too perfect. Nobody can be that perfect. Attentive, thoughtful, hanging on every word, the constant staring (which I find out now is a targeting ploy and not actually really sexual 'in the normal sense' at all). If it looks too good to be true it most certainly is.


Well if you remain calm and persistent in your version of the story being true and hers being false you are usually vindicated as the mutual friends observe and experience her cruel peculiar behaviour over time as well and gradually come over to your side and then sometimes she even loses those friends and her friend base entirely and has to move on and rebuild among new unsuspecting people beginning the horrible cycle all over again.


Yes. People will find out eventually. I know quite a few know something is not right. But, most aquaintances think she is as harmless as Mother Theresa. The ones who do know something is amiss...well I haven't talked about it with them...but I have seen the 'look' in their eyes. I've seen the looks and the resulting effects she has had on others. I have seen looks of suspicion/shock/hurt/disbelief and many others with a spaced out awe-struck expression all over their faces when she talks to them. I am almost positive that none of them knows she is an HPD. But, that is ONLY because nobody (I'd say 99% of the population) has heard of HPD.

I am really afraid that one day she will mess with the wrong person and something bad will happen to her. It's too bad her family can't see what she is up too. Maybe they could help her escape a potentially harmful experience in her future. All it takes is a HPD to mess with someone who is not-all-there and they may/will not take the full-force-expert-manipulation as lightly as I did. While I find my solace in reading/understanding someone else may strike out.

Finally, I just want to say thanks for the forum. It will help me quickly get over this by allowing me to understand what it means to deal with an hpd/bpd/sociopath. I am looking forward to the day when I won't need it anymore and the memory of her will be no longer in my heart or mind.

"I find out now is a targeting ploy and not actually really sexual 'in the normal sense' at all). If it looks too good to be true it most certainly is."

Ahh yes the sociopathic reptilian stare.

Well know that its not so much a targeting affect as it is their natural state of being childlike and without shame.

Shame of course and embarassment and picking up on subtleties and not wanting to cause discomfort is of course what causes normal people to look away ie break their stare at a person.

However yes indeed whether Cluster B's know it or not the stare especially when its from a beautiful young woman makes one feel special like she's looking at you so intensely because she's in love with or enamored by you or so you think.

In the reality you don't yet know she is actually staring at you because she's personality disordered and in a big way has the innocent yet at the same time selfish and wrecklessly cruel mind of a child and what do babies and very young children do except constantly stare at mommy and daddy depending on them for everything they need.

In Emotional Vampires Al Bernstein tells us one of the most dangerous mistakes a person can make with one of these people is assuming they are just like us when in fact they are very different and in fact still babies.

So very true.

A young child will play with an expensive toy and if they happen to break it they might have a half sad look on their face knowing they've done wrong but the look quickly fades when they realize if only they act a certain way mommy and daddy will not blame them but in fact pick up the pieces and get them a new toy.

HPD thinking is quite the same way.

They view us as objects where once the purpose for us has worn out and they have broken our lives by conquering us and getting us in love they may be sad for a short time about not being able to get joy out of us anymore but no worry!

Another toy is around the corner. In fact we are easily replaceable she soon discovers in her disordered mind.

Never mind the brokeness she's left behind after all someone else will clean up the mess and possibly put the object back together again.

Of course the object is a person not a toy who she is responsible for breaking and should take responsibility for helping to heal from the wound she inflicted but anyway yeah you can see how destructive this HPD kind of thinking is to them and others.

I completely agree with your logic.
And i understand why saying HPDs 'are still babies' semi-makes sense
but it certainly sounds as if from and angry point of view
(with good reason...but it is certainly not accurate)
yes, when it comes to knowing how to treat ppl and being considerate and conscious, HPD's may be at a childlike 'gimmy' stage
Did you ever think they don't want to think that way, and they have good intentions, but the HPD takes over?
I don't think anyone asks for a personality disorder, i certainly didn't.
Don't you think i get tired of the same played out situations over and over again?
Don't you think i might want something real...until i get it and my mind just basically says no, like i'm soo over that person...if they care then they can't be 'the one.'
But to what i was saying, in interpersonal relationships the HPD is like a spoiled child, but that doesn't mean that they cannot grow mentally and spiritually in all OTHER areas of their life.
I certainly don't believe that and find it a ridiculous accusation!

"yes, when it comes to knowing how to treat ppl and being considerate and conscious, HPD's may be at a childlike 'gimmy' stage
Did you ever think they don't want to think that way, and they have good intentions, but the HPD takes over?"

I think the few that become aware of their disorder or that something is wrong do but I think many other HPD's are lost in their condition and the research backs that up.

A ton of HPD's are lost in their own dramatic world and selfish HPD desires unfortunately.

"I don't think anyone asks for a personality disorder, i certainly didn't."

Likewise none of us asked to be born so if something doesn't go our way and we blame it on "well we didn't ask to be born" thats a pretty big copout as regardless of whether we asked for this life or not we are responsible for it and how we treat others in it and I think the same applies to HPD and all of Cluster B as therapists are convinced that though disordered in thought you all have a good enough degree of control over your conditions where you can choose not to do most of your harmful actions if only you would stop and think about whether you should really do a certain thing or not.

Apparently the professionals believe you all have this ability whether treated or not.

"Don't you think i get tired of the same played out situations over and over again?
Don't you think i might want something real...until i get it and my mind just basically says no, like i'm soo over that person...if they care then they can't be 'the one.'"

I think you do want whats best for yourself and others lostHPD but I truly think many of your other sisters with the disorder ie those not on the forum or those not even trying to figure out their HPD do not care at all and simply love all the perks their disorder brings while ignoring all the bad through any distraction they can find.

I'm not necessarily saying these cases are proud of their disorder just that they revel in it rather than do what you're doing now and that is stop and take a look at themselves and ask if its really the right path.

"But to what i was saying, in interpersonal relationships the HPD is like a spoiled child, but that doesn't mean that they cannot grow mentally and spiritually in all OTHER areas of their life.
I certainly don't believe that and find it a ridiculous accusation!"

Heh heh well I never said HPD's can't grow in other ways and they can even grow in relationship maturity too with therapy or just learning critical thinking skills as thinking critically is pretty much a huge part of what cures or greatly diminishes HPD.

Don't you think i might want something real...until i get it and my mind just basically says no, like i'm soo over that person...if they care then they can't be 'the one.'

LostHPD this notion you have of 'the one' is really the crux of your problem. There are many, many 'normal' (whatever that means) people out there in this gigantic world that we live in that will love you the way you want them to. Example: not being a push-over, etc. I really think this the concept of 'the one' is the main focus of what you have to work on to protect yourself. Right now I am not talking about victims of HPD's. This forum is full of that. Right now I am specifically talking about how you can beat this disorder.

I tried to explain to you before what happened to a 'platonic' friend of mine who has HPD and how she ended up being destroyed by a man I suspect strongly of having ASPD. And noinsight's story also shines light on this phenomeneon of HPD's seeking out ASPD's and suffering great abuse by them. These stories are not just words they are true and for you to continue dreaming of the 'ASPD one' is dangerous for you and your life. What you should be focusing on is finding someone who is not disordered but is strong in ways you can find attractive.

My friend who has HPD threw away a marriage with a non-disordered guy for a life of destuction with an ASPD. I can't get into great detail about what they have done to themselves in their lives. But, needless to say it is like a horror story! Now she will be damaged goods for life thru the ASPD. She has become paranoid. Her and her ASPD boyfriend have lost everything and are both now kind of 'crazy' because they allowed their disorders to conquer them. So, basically there are two things HPD's conquer in their lives. First - they conquer unsuspecting, unaware people around them but ultimately the game reverses and they turn it back on themselves and conquer what is left of their own souls.

The word 'unaware' is very important in the concept of HPD. The reason so many people fall for HPD's is because HPD's magically mimic the exact body language, words, sexual innuendoes, etc. etc. of how a 'normal' person acts when they are (not just in love)...but madly, madly in love. So, it's not even that the 'normal?' person is even aware of what is happening...but the actions of the HPD feigning intense interest in the 'normal' person triggers subconscious emotional desires within them and hence they then believe they are 'in love'. LostHPD...imagine if everyone you met say, tomorrow, from the minute you woke up to the minute you went to bed pretended/faked you out. Putting something over on someone when they know it is happening is hard to deal with. But, when it is all pretense and play-acting it is a very 'weird' thing to deal with.

Again...think about your concept of 'the one' and you won't go wrong. Maybe if you meet a 'normal' guy you like explain to him upfront your desires for games/challenges etc. He might be just as into it as you are. But, don't purposely seek out disordered people. That is writing your own death wish...emotionally speaking.

I know, but...yeah. I really don't know what to say to that. See I have played ppl all over my school, the attractive ones anyway, so they are all very wary of getting close to me and with good reason. And if i actually let myself believe that i did care about someone, and they were't just a tool to my ego, where would i go from there? you know? i'm really not an 'emotionally vulnerable' person who just can't wait to spread the love. I try a little sometimes but the feeling of weakness and sadness i get from that causes me to get really nervous, and the only way to get back to normal is to be myself again. i really just can't tell, face to face, ppl i care about them. i don't trust ppl enough to do that, i fear criticism like the Black Plague, and i don't even know if i will feel the same way about them tomorrow so it's not really fair to them anyways. It seems to me like i just can't figure out who i care about, besides myself which i invest so much in. and if i don't know if i care, why go out on a limb and embaress myself and potentially shatter my own ego...at least temporarily.
and by and by, i think 'the one' is just someone that i imagine that does not exist. since i will never meet them, i can use other ppl and treat them like sh*t because, who cares? ...u see no one cared about me as a child. it was never about me, always my parents super-involved in themselves and my melodramatic mom, and my dad who loved me then abandoned me. i internalized that abandonment because i saw him as perfect, a god-like figure. so the fault must have been mine. maybe there was something about my personality that made him not love me as much as i loved him, because i knew i loved him so much that i could never leave him, even if i had the option. that's where things like narcissism sets in, if no one's gonna love me i'll love myself! and i was highly praised as a child for my advanced musical ability, so the grandiose images kept coming in by the barrels. maybe they are all the love i have? i mean i'm sure other ppl love me by the way they act, but i know it's only teporary.

I suppose lostHPD for you to truly love someone it might be best for you to take the very true mindset that in doing so you will be a stronger person than your father was for you in doing so.

Admittadly though this still has its difficulties as like you said your feelings for people seem to shift against your control.

Still though I'd recommend for you to explain to your future love interests what you have first and if they don't take the time to understand it after that then it is their problem if they get hurt and in that way some of the guilt can be taken off of you as hey at least you told them before hand.

I had a BPD friend who did this and it didn't stop men from wanting to be with her and continue the relationship so don't be afraid of not being able to keep a man if you start to tell all of them what you believe you have.

alright
"Are you tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...by the way, i have mental issues..."